Party of Five

I don't care how big it is....

2009-05-18T14:30:00.003-05:00

I have always been one of those girls who thumbs through magazines and instead of finding clothes or shoes I would like, I find boobs, thighs, abs, and buns I would kill for. Healthy habit hunh??? My latest indulgence (Oxygen magazine) had the body of a woman on the front that was nice, maybe on the thin side for my taste. Then I saw the caption that she was a MOTHER OF 6!!!!!! I almost fell over. Then I thought, if she can do it....I can too.

I saw that she was an inch shorter than me an weighed around 129. So I arbitrarily made a number that has been my sole focus. I became a little obsessive about being "skinny" like that. In fact, the Duke mentioned I needed to hang out with my chic friends more because he is tired of hearing about skinny/fat/cellulite/etc and isn't that what chics talk about??? LOL I was obsessed with a number on the scale...135.

In walks Stacy. Stacy is a brilliant instructor at my gym who teaches class different than any instructor I have ever had. We do HUNDREDS of reps...and we always work every muscle group to failure (meaning that you can't do one more, your muscle just stops working) And she gets results...incredible results. The people that have been taking her class for awhile look amazing. I have taken three classes with her, and my arms are starting to cut up. She offered to train me through a system known as gravity training. It was the hardest workout of my life. 1 and 1/2 hours of pure torture...I almost puked. But hey, I'm still here to type about it.

Gravity® small group personal training is the perfect option for those individuals that seek the motivation of a personal trainer and the dynamics of a small group class. Designed using one modality, the GTS® (Gravity Training System) targets muscular strength and endurance exercises for the total body – including unique core and stretching exercises – all done while the body is positioned in various angles against gravity. This is a must for those wanting a total body workout in a very unique and time efficient manner.

We weigh in every Monday and she writes it down in order to keep us accountable. When I told her what my current weight is, an what I thought I wanted to be she said she felt that I wouldn't be able to lose that much weight without sacrificing muscle. Hmmmm....that stinks I thought to myself. But today in class I noticed changes in my body. Muscles peeking out from under that insulating layer I don't need for summer. It was empowering.

I have now officially adopted the brilliant philosophy of an old aerobics instructor I had. "I don't care how big it is...I just don't want it to jiggle". My body is pre-programmed to have a certain size limit. I don't want to lose the muscle I have worked so hard for. My current plan is to do her class once week, cardio 3 times, and some other form of weightlifting during the week, taking two days for rest. And no obsess about the numbers on the scale, or pics in a magazine. Wish me luck.

Baking soda deodorant...without the mess!

2009-05-14T16:02:00.004-05:00

So I was in the grocery store last week, perusing the aisles for some organic products to introduce into our family lives, and I stumbled upon this:

Arm & Hammer Essentials deodorant.

I picked one up, and have been using it religiously for several weeks now.

It has the Arm & Hammer seal directly in the center of the container, which reads "The Standard of Purity" just below it. Although Arm & Hammer makes other styles of deodorant, in various scents, my store only carried the Essentials Natural Deodorant in the fresh scent.

Product Claims-

Provides natural protection*

Aluminum free*

Paraben free*

Made with Arm & Hammer Baking Soda and natural plant extracts to absorb and fight odor.

IngredientsDipropylene glycol, water, propylene glycol, sodium stearate, sodium bicarbonate (baking soda), coriandrum sativum (coriander) fruit oil, rosmarinus officinalis (rosemary) leaf oil, lavandula hybrida (lavandin) oil, fragrance, tricolsan, tetrasodium EDTA, allantoin.

Have you ever been confused by the chemical names ingredients go by these days?

The label pulls back to reveal a list of ingredients, how they are derived, and what they do! This alone gives it a royal thumbs up! I am trying to be keenly aware of what goes into my body these days, and this is just great!

Taken from the package:

Glycol (dipropylen/propylene): Derived from natural gas from the earth

Water: Purified water

Sodium Stearate: Derived from palm nut/fruit

Baking Soda: Natural mineral deposits from the earth

Coriander Fruit Oil: Coriandrum Sativum (Coriander fruit)

Rosemary Lea Oil: Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) leaf

Final thought???? It is a bit sticky when you first put it on, just wait until it dries before dressing. The fresh scent is nice. As for the deodorant properties? I have been very pleased with it's performance...even after a 1 and 1/2 hour grueling workout!!! I love this product and it has now replaced my usual favorite!

Remember my search for a "healthy" deodorant?

2009-04-15T16:27:00.002-05:00

This is my next thing to try. This is from a natural health tips newsletter I get a few times per month.

Ever seen an open box of baking soda in someone’s refrigerator? It is to help deodorize the refrigerator. While I’ve never cared about deodorizing my refrigerator, I have looked for a safe, healthy deodorant. Baking soda is the least expensive, most effective deodorant around.

Here’s how to use it: Put a small covered container of baking soda in your bathroom. In your morning shower, using soap and a washcloth really handles a lot of the germs that contribute to odor. After drying off, put at least 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda in the palm of one hand. Then put a few drops of water on it to mix it up. Apply under both arms. Let it dry and you’re good to go.

A healthy deodorant is crucial because what you put on your skin goes straight into your bloodstream and other body parts. Cancer research has found deodorant chemicals in breast cancer tumors.

Can I get a heck yes???

2009-03-30T12:42:00.001-05:00

Did I mention that I bought jeans a size smaller than what I have been wearing this weekend? Yes, they have a little stretch in them...but they make me feel amazing. I would wear them everyday if I thought no one would notice.

And....they make my rear view sensational! WOOOT!

Total confusion

2009-03-24T10:00:00.002-05:00

Well, I had the "thyroid panel" done last week and got my results back yesterday.

In the mean time I went to a D.O. that specializes in natural therapies. I spent a couple hours with him and we looked at my exhaustive list of symptoms and discussed when these changes may have started. One of the tests we did was an analysis of a live blood sample. Most doctors draw blood and run "tests". We took blood and actually looked at it on the cellular level. It was amazing. I saw my white blood cells engulf an invader and destroy it right in front of my eyes. The invader???...Candida albicans (aka yeast). But wait....you say...blood is supposed to be "sterile". Well, that is what we are told, but clearly my blood is not sterile. I have many invasive yeast in there. We saw a red blood cell that as parasitized by the yeast. It was absolutely fascinating.

So I am on a few natural supplements to aid in digestion, heal the intestines, and destroy yeast. I am to cut out all refined sugar and stay away from refined processed foods. Easy for you to say. Imagine feeding a family of five with no packaged foods. I can't imagine doing this with my severe fatigue and mental cloudiness.

My blood tests from the FMCF center came back flagging a potential thyroid issue (as was expected). I have low T3, sub-optimal T4, and too much reverse T3. To understand what this means you have to understand how your thyroid works. The thyroid together with the pituitary and adrenal glands control all the metabolism in your body. When you think of metabolism, you think of processing food and weight gain/loss. But metabolism is, at the cellular level, all the processes your body goes through in taking up nutrients from your food and turning them in to nergy. It takes up iodine from your diet and makes T4 and T3. T4 has 4 iodine molecules, T3 has 3. T4 is not bio active and needs to be converted by the body into T3 before it is used. Here's the problem. My body is making "reverse T3" which is biologically inactive. My body can not use it. RT3 binds to the cells so you can't take up thyroid hormone. You normally have RT3 in your system, but too much can be a sign of a problem, especially when accompanied by symptoms of hypothyroid and low blood values of thyroid hormone (both of which I have). Now you can see why I have no energy, and am gaining weight. No metabolism.

The Center said I need "more testing" that would cost between $800-$1200. Yikes! I sent the blood results to my D.O. and he said I did NOT need more testing, I have "Wilson's syndrome" (not to be confused with Wilson's disease) and it's a very hard thing to treat.

Naturally I wanted to understand this Wilson's thing, so I looked it up online. Here is the problem: Wilson's disease is not recognized by the medical community as a real thing. It's more formally called "Wilson's Temperature Syndrome". Dr. Wilson who claims to have discovered it has supplements designed to help these people. But the medical community and the American Thyroid Association say it can be dangerous to treat a false condition. So....who is right? I've read testimonials of people who feel better after treatment. And that is all I want. So what do I do? What would you do?

I don't have health insurance that would cover these tests, so the $800 would be out of pocket. I SOOOOOOOOOO want to get better. But I don't know if I need these tests. I don't know which way to go....who to trust.

Could your thyroid be causing you grief?

2009-03-05T08:33:00.003-06:00

When talking to the folks at Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Centers, I discovered that most people fall into "normal limits" on their routine thyroid screen. As many as 40% of people with hypothyroid go undiagnosed with the blood tests your neighborhood Dr. orders And many of these people feel horrible and don't know what is wrong inside. It's a ghastly feeling to have.

Here is the online test I took to see what my thyroid function might look like. Remember this is only a test, but if you have a result that raises questions, you might want to look further into this.

Thyroid Test

The website this links up with has great information on natural remedies and resources. I am a firm believer in not just medicating the problem, but eliminating. Many people think I am a quack because of this....but think about it. Does Motrin get rid of the reason you have headaches? Probably not, it's more of a bandaid. Necessary at times? Yes! A solution? No!

A moment of brilliance

2009-03-03T16:28:00.003-06:00

So as you can see by the last post, I have been feeling irritated for some time. There are other things going on too that are troublesome (health issues)...and I am beginning to realize they might all be related. I received a random email on Monday with a subject line "Your thyroid may be causing your heart disease". Well, I don't have heart disease, but I read on. Turns out, your thyroid (or lack of it) can royally screw you up. So I googled hypothyroid and found all of these sites with natural remedies, symptoms, cures, causes. I have been hooked for the last two days reading them all.

After studying, it turns out that I have EVERY SINGLE hypothyroid symptom:

Less stamina than others
Less energy than others
Long recovery period after any activity
Inability to hold children for very long
Arms feeling like dead weights after activity
Low Grade Depression
Often feeling cold
Cold hands and feet
Hard stools
Constipation
No eyebrows or thinning outer eyebrows
Dry Hair
Hair Loss
Dry cracking skin
Requires naps in the afternoon
Air Hunger (feeling like you can’t get enough air)
Inability to concentrate or read long periods of time
Forgetfulness
Foggy thinking
Inability to lose weight
Always gaining weight
Moody periods
PMS
Excruciating pain during period
Nausea
Swelling/edema/puffiness
Aching bones/muscles
Bumps on legs
Acne on face and in hair
Breakout on chest and arms
Hives
Exhaustion in every dimension–physical, mental, spiritual, emotional
Complete lack of motivation
Slowing to a snail’s pace when walking up slight grade
Extremely crabby, irritable, intolerant of others
Handwriting nearly illegible
Broken/peeling fingernails
Dry skin or snake skin
Major anxiety/worry
Ringing in ears
Lactose Intolerance
Joint pain
Varicose Veins
Dizziness from fluid on the inner ear
Low body temperature
Tightness in throat; sore throat
Swollen lymph glands
Allergies (which can also be a result of low cortisol–common with hypothyroid patients)
Headaches and Migraines
Sore feet, painful soles of feet
a cold bum

That's an exhaustive list of symptoms said to be experienced by people with hypothyroid...AND people on medicine for it. Nice hunh???? Not really treating your thyroid problem...are they?

Then I found a site that links mercury poisoning to a shut down of the thyroid gland. AND the biggest cause for this is dental fillings. I have fillings...and they are metal. I could have this.

I searched for, and found, some natural remedies for both mercury poisoning and thyroid problems and happened across the Fybromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Centers in Dallas. They are offering free thyroid screenings for anyone who "qualifies". My last thyroid check was "within normal limits" but most Drs only do a 3 point test. These Drs use a 6 point test. I was also informed that to not be "within normal limits" and throw up a red flag to your physician on a standard thyroid test you have to be the sickest of the sick. These were my qualification questions:

Have you have an unexplained weight gain of 10 pounds or more? Check!
Is your body temperature low-97.8 or lower? Mine after exercise yesterday was 97.2
Is your hair dry or thinning? Oh yeah! Just installed a new shower drain to catch it.
Are you extremely fatigued? Yes. I got 9 hours of sleep last night and am still beat.
Are you on thyroid medication? Nope. Remember I am "within normal limits"
Do you have muscle/joint pain? Does a bear poop in the woods. Um, yes.

So I qualify for this test. I will get my blood work done and find out within a week if anything is wrong. I am sad that something could be wrong with me, but happy to know I am on a path to nail it down and get better.

Rainy days and Mondays....

2009-03-02T15:14:00.002-06:00

It's not rainy, but I am unusually grumpy today. I shouldn't be. I had a lovely retreat with wonderful ladies this weekend. Got sleep, ate well, rested, prayed.

So why the grump?

Last week I took the Duke to a fitness evaluation with a new trainer I met. We have not received our final printouts that score our Polar age, but I saw my weight and body fat. I have gained 5 pounds, and my body fat % has gone up. WTH?

I know I have not been able to work out as consistently as before, but I wouldn't consider myself sedentary nor a terrible eater. I was crushed. All the hard work last summer and fall, for this.

In hindsight, seeing as that a friend prayed for me this weekend to keep my temptations for brownies at bay....am I really surprised? NO. Sad, angry, irritated? You bet your Reeses pb cups I am!!!!

He gave me many reasons that my goals are "not being met". My cardio is cycling and I am most likely working too hard thus burning sugar and no fat. That's something you want to hear after 4 months of bi-weekly cycling classes. No wonder my thighs still touch.

An added blubber bonus: Apparently I am lifting weights incorrectly as well. To shock my body and "shred", I need to weight train 3 times per week, never do the same exercise for a given body part, and keep my heart rate in my fat burning zone. Who said women could multi-task?

I think I could do it if I had him as my trainer permanently. I am just so frustrated with the gym right now, I need a good month or two of someone else kicking my butt. But who can afford this luxury on a SAHM's salary? Thus I am pissed off at the world. The Duke even asked what it would take to get me training with him even once or twice/week...when I told him he said there is no way we can do it right now. And to make it worse I had to stand by the mirror in aerobics today watching all the fat blob around. Do you know that I outweigh my spouse by 20 pounds? Isn't that fun? Maybe I can borrow his "fat" pants.

I know some of you who think me "thin" are rolling your eyes right now. I am not saying that I am overweight or disgusting. In fact, I think I can pull off a pair of jeans as good as any 33 y/o mom of three. But think about when you started not being able to fit in your jeans. Or when you work so hard for something, and the opposite happens. Thin is relative. I don't want to look good in clothes, I want to look good naked and I will die trying.

Thank goodness it is Lent, or I would be drowning my pissed-offness in a pound of chocolate right now....

Dirty diaper diaries

2009-02-23T13:21:00.002-06:00

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. They were kind and made me think a lot about what to do regarding my blogging situation. I was completely sold on ending this blog and moving all my random rants over to the family blog, and was OK with that, until something ridiculous happened this weekend that made me want to scream and explode in all directions. And I don't think I would feel comfortable venting it on the family blog with necessary expletives, because my entire extended family goes there to ooh and awe over those aliens we call offspring.

Last week, on trash day (Monday) a diaper was dropped across the street and one house down. It was more on the other side of the street than ours, but one could perceive it as being in the "middle of the road". When driving by said diaper on Tuesday, I made an effort to glance at the offending trash to see if our trash had been flung down and over yonder. It was not our diaper. The diaper was very obviously a Luvs or a Pampers. ...and we are 100% Huggies Supreme users. I didn't think much about it aside from noting that I would pick it up next time I'm outside without babes in arms (usually never), because it would be bad for an animal to get hold of it and get sick on the inside little balls of stuff. But I forgot about it, and went on with life.

Fast forward to yesterday. Previously mentioned stinky diaper, complete with tire tracks, shows up on our lawn inside a Walmart bag with this message. "Dispose of your diapers properly" (obviously in female handwriting). WTF?????

What kind of people do this? What kind of freakish neighbors do we have that pick up other people's trash and hurl it into a neighbor's yard with a nasty note attached?

Let me point out here that we did look at the diaper AGAIN to confirm the brand and size. It was a size 3 Pampers. (My children wear size 4-5 Huggies). So, again....NOT OUR STINKING DIAPER!!!

What really pisses me of is that this person thinks so highly of their neighborly skills....to the point of hurling other people's poop on our lawn, just assuming that since we have the majority of the kids on the block that it must be ours. What grade are these people in? Did someone in high school wrong them?

Let me also say that if I had been close to the diaper and noticed someone dropped it, I would have kindly picked it up for them and tossed it because:
A. They most likely dropped it on accident
B. New parents are busy and could use any hand they can get

So back to my first point. Who does this? And what can I do to avenge my pride? The Duke says just drop it...but that is like accepting that it was our diaper and we purposely dropped it in the middle of the street just to be spiteful non-Earth loving people. I am so angry I could scream....but that would just make me a noisy neighbor. And then I would be JUST like my next-door neighbor (who BTW I could bet money did this in the first place).

The nerve of some people!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Something to think about

2009-02-16T21:46:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I'm a mom of three....and I'm busy. I started this blog as a way to vent all the frustrations of the world of mom in a private, annonymous environment. Yet, it quickly became not so annonymous. And then I felt like I couldn't really vent because people would come to know me as a complainer. Or an unhappy person. And I don't want that.

I love my life. I am married to my best friend. I have God in my life. I am healthy. I have a great family. I have 3 beautiful children. I have friends around me at every corner I turn. Why in the world would I need to complain?

I have also noticed that I don't keep up on blogs as much as I would like to. Not that I don't have anything to say, maybe I have too much and can't put it in words on a page. Life is coming at me too quickly. I am going here...I am going there.

I looked over at my beautiful Tinkerbel today sitting in the chair, watching TV ever so eloquently and I saw this 6 year old girl in her place. Not that she's going on 6...I know that, but she looked so grown up. I could see her 6 year old face shining through, and these intelligent knowing eyes. It scared me. It was an all too painful reminder that they grow up too fast.

Sorry.....tangent.

My point with this is that I am considering halting this blog, and moving it over to my family blog. There I would have the mommy blog, complete with cute pics and great funny stories of my three caballeros...but I could also be me a little more....maybe.

I have also thought about supplementing that blog with a diet and exercise for real moms blog complete with all my food planning, grocery lists and weight loss ups and downs. That would help me journal, and may serve as an inspiration to others.

Any thoughts?

Getting away from it all...bad for your saddlebags....great for your marriage!

2009-02-02T20:20:00.005-06:00

Hello royal subjects. It's been forever....and it feels like it too. I have had at least one sick kid/husband since Christmas, and finally Tinkerbell ended up with bronchitis which took all the rest of my free time giving nebulizer treatments. I am happy to say, we are all healthy now. Phew! (fingers crossed)

Life on the healthy wagon was going quite well. Despite sick children I have averaged 3 times at the gym per week. Most of our meals have been healthy, and I have felt like my jeans are getting loose. This past weekend my husband whisked me away to the Texas hill country (without children...courtesy of Mom and Dad) to the town of Fredericksburg, and all hope was lost. Since the Duke is teaching our children to speak German, we thought it would be fun to immerse ourselves in German culture. Despite the rave reviews of steakhouses and Mexican restaurants, we opted for German food the whole time. And it was wonderful.

The first night we ate at Der Lindenbaum. It is said to be the "most authentic" German food in the town. We were were weary and hungry from road travel and were welcomed with a smile and a warm cozy table. The only thing on the menu I has ever heard of was sauerkraut. I ordered a beef and bell pepper dinner that was served with warm red cabbage and German potatoes. It was amazing! The flavors were unlike anything I have ever had. So I even agreed to eat German the rest of the weekend.

We stayed in a nice B&B in the heart of town, but was also very private. The whole day Saturday we shopped in the historic downtown shoppes, and enjoyed more German food, leisurely had afternoon coffee together, shopped some more, then went out to dinner together again. I don't think we have been together that much since our honeymoon. Most of you married folk are surely groaning, but something wonderful happened. We got each other's undivided attention all weekend. We enjoyed awe inspiring silence (we have 3 kids) and knowing glances. We got giddy like newlyweds. Where has all this been??

It's easy to get carried away in our roles as parents. But much like we are called to put God first in our lives, our spouses are to be right there at #2. Reconnecting has made us happier, better parents. We are very thankful to have had time like this. Hopefully we will be able to do similar things more regularly. My NY's resolution to put more care into my husband seems to be having a positive affect on me. He actually went to the gym with us as a family today. What a great surprise!

Cleansing for a healthier you

2009-01-13T15:21:00.002-06:00

Ever feel toxic? I do after I eat a lotof junk, or visit my home state of CA where the air pollution has been known to give a non-smoker lung cancer. We live in a toxic world. Everything is modified from it's natural state to be "better". But it's hurting our insides. Before we start looking ugly on the outside, a process is starting inside. Fatty fried foods can cause gallstones and "fatty" liver. Our skin becomes oily, cloudy, broken out. Finally we start the bloat and weight gain that comes with eating bad things.

To combat this process, I recommend a product called Mega-cleanse by Body Dynamics. I have used it for years (except when pregnant or nursing) and recently started back on it. The first time I took it, (back in 2002) I lost a total of 10 pounds. Since then I have not been using it to lose weight, but just a maintenance dose of 1-2 tablets a day to feel great. Now I am starting back on the regime to help lose the weight and clean up my systems.

If you decide to try, read the warnings on the web about how you may feel in the first few days. It's normal, and can be helped by backing off on the dose. I usually break out and have headaches the first few days I start back on it. It has helped me get off the sugar and caffeine crutch before. Give it a try!!!

You can buy Mega cleanse at most health food stores, but I have not found it before at sprouts. My favorite store to purchase from is Healthkick Nutrition in Flower Mound. They not only know their products well, but are a wealth of health information regarding supplements.

Plans for the week of Jan 12

2009-01-12T13:04:00.002-06:00

Here is the accountability part. I am planning on posting my plans. He he.

For this week:

Workouts-
Mon- Weight workout (push* muscles) + 20 mins of cardio - completed YAY!
Tues- Pull* muscles before spin class
Wed- Day of rest
Thurs- Spin class
Fri- 75 min Total Body conditioning class or barbell sculpt
Sat- Walk with family (weather permitting)
Sun- Day of rest

*Some people/trainers prefer working out alternating upper and lower body muscles on different days. I prefer the push/pull method. Day 1 you work out all the muscles that "push": Chest, triceps, leg press, lunges, quads, etc. Day 2 you workout muscles that "pull": back, biceps, shoulders, hamstrings

Meals-
Still working on this for the week, but today I have had a protein smoothie for BF, will eat a salad with grilled chicken for lunch and broiled tilapia fillets for dinner with quinoa and salad w/ fresh tomatoes.

Will get back to you on the rest.

Peace of mind-
Had coffee in a sunny window this morning (too cold to actually go outside) with no children or husband around. It was nice. While pumping gas, I stood and faced the sun so my body could produce healthy vitamin D! I feel good today. Muscles a little weary, body a little fatigued, but I feel good.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-07T12:46:00.003-06:00

Yes I know....long time, no post.

I love the new year! Aside from my B-day being in January (and thus the cringing at being 1 year older) I feel like it is a new start. A fresh slate. We clean up the glorious Christmas celebrations, pack them away for another time, reflect on the year past, and then we wonder...what now?

As I mentioned awhile back, I started a new business venture. All the necessary training and teacher interviews have been completed and this year I get to start having classes meet! How fun! I love watching kids absorb information. While I am not teaching class myself (I require my teachers to be fluent and prefer them to be native speakers), I will sit in on the first few classes to see how my teachers are doing, how the kids are reacting, if the parents have any concerns, and just enjoy. So, that is one of the peaks of this year. Now, if I could just get any students....

The theme of my new year is about health of body, mind, and soul.

Health of body

I have decided that enough is enough...the baby weight has got to go! I have a plan! I have the motivation. I just need to commit. I took the plunge starting Sunday. I went shopping and decided I would plan meals every weekend for the following week. There would be one day I would consider as "free" and that would be a macaroni or eating out day. Problem is that my children (and husband) do not need to count calories or fat grams...and I do. So we many times will eat different things. Plus, the Duke works late on most evenings and I can't keep the kids from eating for that long. So, if I make broiled fish....the children usually get broiled chicken tenders several hours before. Another pitfall: last night was free night since Duke was out of town...and we had pizza. Bad choice.

I plan to enroll each of my children in at least one activity that requires them to move. Drama is already in swimming and a member of his school's basketball skills team. The girls will take Mommy and Me French classes as soon as I get them started. The classes have them dancing and jumping all over the place. I want them to learn from young age that exercise can be fun. Weather-permitting I would like to take a walk or two a week with kids in tow. It's wonderful to watch them explore on these "nature walks". The diabetes gene looms in my family DNA. I also had GD while pregnant with #2 so staying healthy is of key importance for me and my family.

Health of mind:
Organization. Cleaner house. Less clutter. Stay on top of the messes. Get more help around the house.

I need a 2009 calendar in front of me to start scheduling things. The one thing I have found is that if you schedule something in advance, you are more likely to do it. Too many times I have told a friend "Let's do lunch next week"....and it never happens. Plan ahead. I found a friend who enjoys spin classes as much as I do and we meet at class every Tues/Thurs afternoon. Knowing someone is holding me accountable has made me show up at that class more often than any other I have planned on.

Another area of focus: count to 10 before exploding (we taught Drama how to do this. Mom should practice what she teaches!). Angry parents teach angry children.

Health of soul-

Another thing I am hoping to do is go to bed earlier and wake up before anyone gets up. There is nothing like a quiet cup of coffee while the sun is coming up. It's good for my soul.

It is great prayer time, and refocusing time. I feel a deep need to refocus some much-needed attention on my marriage. It's not that we are having problems, but everything we do is for and with the kids. A healthy marriage is a key ingredient to a happy home, as is healthy relatinship with God!

My plan: (In random order)

Schedule healthy fun meals, plan and shop. Keep healthy snacks around.
Schedule workouts.
Workout at least 4 times a week.
Accountability- take before/during/after pics.
Rewards for sticking with it- Non-food things....like skinny jeans, jewelry, new workout clothes.
Put as much time as I can into getting the business up and running.
Schedule fun time with family and friends.
Schedule dates with the Duke.
Schedule God time.

My blog for awhile will probably be focused on the daily life of a mom balancing life. Hope you enjoy the reads, and maybe find some inspiration of your own!

HAVE A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

Made my week!

2008-12-16T16:05:00.003-06:00

Just wanted to say that while I was at the gym the Duke cleaned the kitchen for me. It's the little things in life these days that just brighten my day! :)

Also, for those of you who are not from around these parts, we had our Annual service of Lessons and Carols. The Duke directed a small ensemble that I was allowed to sing in. It was the most fun I have ever had singing. I got to help pick out all of the music. Between us and the big choir, we offered music from the 10th century to the 20th! How amazing is that? There were a few parts that didn't learn their music well, but some of the pieces were so pretty and moving.

The Duke and I sang a duet together for the first time ever 'There is No Rose of Swych Vertu'. It's a medieval piece of music that is just beautiful in text and harmonies. I had a god friend today tell me that it was really romantic and sweet when we started singing together, and another friend told me that she actually got teary at that moment the other night.

I had a great time and wish we could do it more often! It was very fulfilling for me at a time where I really needed something great. Thanks Duke.....YOU ROCK!

Can I get a freakin' hand around here?

2008-12-16T11:16:00.002-06:00

Have you ever realized that everything you do around your house is magically reversed...within a matter of seconds. Then you finally resign yourself to just living in pure filth?

My husband had the nerve to ask me this morning when we were going to put up the Christmas tree. I smirked, then kindly said "When this family decides they can help get this disaster cleaned up". When I get stressed about the house he always says "get a maid to come over". Well, right now she wouldn't even be able to get to the filth. They don't pick people's crap up....that is every one's own job.

When I kindly asked 9 year old why he has not cleaned his room (after weeks of being asked) he said "It's too hard". Hmmmm, I might give that same response when people ask me why they don't have Christmas presents.

Also having a ridiculous hard time with the job. With the Duke working on harpsichords nearly everyday, I don't have the time it needs from me. There are also a number of financial issues I won't even bother to address on here.

Let's just say....stress is in the air. I need a kickboxing class.....quick!

Everything I ever needed to know about life I learned from a turtle

2008-12-09T17:53:00.005-06:00

My girls are obsessed with the Wonder Pets. We watch it several times a day. The littlest runs up to the TV clapping and yelling "Ming ming!!!" (one of the characters). Each episode these pets; a guinea pig, a duckling, and a turtle save the day when they rescue an animal in trouble....AND they sing operatic tunes while doing so! It's actually one of the more tolerable shows on.

Last night they had their Christmas special, "The Wonder Pets Save the Nutcracker". I was rolling my eyes as the girls asked to watch it for the 4th time today. But, I found hidden meaning in it.

Some of the quotes from turtle Tuck during the show:

"So you're down because you have 1 present just 1...well 1 present is better than none!"

"If you have a warm place to sleep in at night, you really have it alright"

"Be happy with what you have"

Hmmmmm....a theme here? They are quite brilliant cute fluffy things. Maybe they should have the Wonder Pets "Save the Economy"

Strange but true

2008-11-19T14:31:00.002-06:00

I can't stand pumpkin pie. I know I'm not American...but I don't like the smell, the texture, the taste. Well, I can't say I have actually tried it, because the smell makes me want to vomit.

What's weird is that I love pumpkin cream cheese, pumpkin spice coffee creamer, pumpkin scented candles, pumpkin muffins from Starbucks....

Does anyone else find this to be total bizarrity?

Mother of the year?

2008-11-18T17:08:00.003-06:00

In the past week I:

-forgot to bring cookies to a teacher appreciation banquet at 2's preschool. It was my first function to help out with since she started. Yay me. Way to make an impression.

-let my toddlers eat sweet potato fries and natural cheetos for lunch

-forgot to take 1's lunch to school after promising

-turned the monitor off in the middle of the night when 3 was whining

-gave 3 adult anbesol for cutting teeth just to get some P&Q (baby oragel is a joke)

-fed family pizza twice

-procrastinated on making a ticket box for #1s carnival. It was taken to the booth 15 mins late. They were using a paper bag....(Did I mention that I am the room mother for his class? This was my first task.)

So sign me up for mom of the year! Do I get a trophy with that?

In honor of our projected new president...and the Halloween post that I missed.

2008-11-04T20:43:00.003-06:00

Business as usual

2008-11-03T16:05:00.014-06:00

Wow, has it really been that long since I posted? Things have been crazy. We have been through two rounds of runny green noses...and I'm finally starting to recognize that Sunshine's is most likely allergy related. This girl LOVES taking medicine...but not Claritin. She can even tell it's the Claritin before tasting or smelling it and starts slowly backing away from me. So the noses continue to flow.

I stepped in at the 11th hour to sing for a friend who is the new director of our local community chorus. They were a little short on altos, and I was happy to help. But...I was very disturbed by the audience...or lack of it. For a church that is a "proud sponsor of..." there was no one there except our music director and a few choir members. No clergy, no vestry, nothing. It was just wrong. Not only does the church "support" this choir, but the director is a member of the church. Certainly if not to support the group...why not him? Oh well. Par for the course lately. I'm starting to sense that no one has time for anything but themselves these days. In fact, I have trimmed my friend list accordingly. Sounds rude right? But seriously, why waste time over someone who always takes? We all should take time to give. Good friendships have a little push and a little pull...give and take...and of course SHARE!

Anyway, enough of that. It was so nice to be genuinely thanked and appreciated for once. The members of the group were so kind and generous saying I will always have a place to come back and sing. Being a SAHM, feeling appreciated for something I did is a concept from my past. I loaded the dishwasher 10 times last week (and unloaded), took out 7 bags of trash, changed hundreds of diapers, washed 12 loads of laundry (that no one has bothered to put away)...all without anyone saying "Hey MOM!!! Thanks for the clean undies! It's nice to not go to school smelling like dirt." LOL Does anyone ever really hear that? Ha! I'm not complaining...I chose my path and I enjoy being here for my kids....but it is a thankless job of never-ending to-do lists.

Another reason I have been busy is that I started my own business. Not really. It wasn't my idea. I'm just taking someone else's idea and bringing it to the Dallas area for the first time. It's a foreign language program for kids. And...it's very exciting! I work mostly from home, but I do venture out to check out sites for holding classes, and to interview teachers. I think I have amazing candidates. Just wish I could find more qualified Spanish teachers. Who would have thought that would be so hard in Texas? I can't wait to see them actively teaching little ones. It's a fun job....but highly stressful at this point since I don't know how the idea is going to go over in this area. Most parents I talk to want for their children (and themselves) to learn a second language. But sadly these same parents are feeling the stress of a slow economy.

So wish me luck. Our classes kick off in January!

6 unremarkable things about me!

2008-10-02T07:43:00.004-05:00

I've been tagged by Elastigirl.

1. I HAVE to start my morning with coffee. Usually 2-3 cups. I have tried to go without, and it just doesn't work. I like the taste, the smell, the texture....and especially sitting on the back porch watching the sun come up while sipping. All of these things signal morning to my brain. The oldest child will sometimes come ask if I have had my first cup of coffee yet before he asks question of me. How thoughtful.

2. I skipped 4th grade. I don't know exactly what happened, but near the end of 3rd grade I was tested and sent to a shrinky and they moved me on up into a 5th/6th grade combination LEAP class. Talk about a kick in the butt!!! I struggled for 2 years to get caught up and start making decent grades again. Anything I can't answer these days, I smirkishly say under my breath, "I probably would have learned that in 4th grade".

3. I have an unnatural fear of Santa Claus. I have always thought of him as quite creepy. I don't even take my children to sit on his lap. We wave from a distance. Whoever thought of children sitting on a creepy fat man's lap...was out of their mind!

4. My face is extremely uneven. I have worn glasses since 8th grade (the same time I got braces...man I was soooo good looking) but I rarely wear them because of this. My left ear is lower than my right which makes the glasses lean. The bridge of the left side of my nose is flatter than the other side which adds to the problem. And to make matters even worse, my left eyebrow is higher than my right. Which creates the illusion of them being crooked even if I have the glasses corrected to fit properly. I have found a way around the crooked glass look with sunglasses....just buy ones that are so big they cover my eyebrows. But wearing regular glasses, as much as I love them, is a pain!

5. I hate using a top sheet. I have tried using a top sheet over and over, but it always ends up bunched up on the floor. I can't stand the feeling of my feet being bound while I sleep. They have to be on top of the blankies. I also have to have a "knee pillow".

6. I too have a few movies I will watch over and over again: Ever After, The Princess Bride, Sound of Music, Pride and Prejudice, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Love Actually, Dangerous Beauty, Anchorman (The Duke and I quote that movie daily)....."When in Rome....". He he. I still cry at sappy endings....even if I have seen them a million times.

I tag MB, Dana and Dawn Michelle.

Insanity hits the burbs!

2008-09-29T16:26:00.002-05:00

Today, in a lovely suburb of large metropolitan area, in a small shopping center, in 90 degree weather...Christmas lights were being hung in the trees with care.

SOOOOOOOO not ready for the fat man in a suit just yet. Let me have fall first please!

Even yuckier Saturday

2008-09-27T09:42:00.000-05:00

I wanted to go to a craft show today and buy shoes at Macy's. Like retail therapy will help with sadness...right? Maybe I will still try.

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of my brother's passing. It kind of snuck up on me. No anniversary has hit me like this before.

To make matters worse, we lost a beloved choir member this week, and I will have to sing at her Memorial...exactly 5 years to the date (Tuesday the 30th) since my brother's service. If she weren't a choir member, I would have to pass. But, I know C would have been there for me, and she also sang at my brother's service. It's the right thing to do.

Yuck Friday

2008-09-26T20:24:00.005-05:00

I've probably never mentioned this on the blog, but about a month ago a corporate giant fitness company bought out our small home town, family-oriented gym. I have been a member there since Drama was a baby. The staff there was caring and the programs and atmosphere were geared towards a family environment (i.e. no showing your belly in the gym, it must be covered).

So they came in and stole our gym, said we would have to move over to Lifetime (the corp. giant), then hiked our rates more tan $70 a month. Our rate went from $42 to $108 a month. Naturally, over 300 members left and went other places. The gym was also a place for rehab patients that were covered by Medicare. MC paid their dues...Lifetime is not a partner in that program. Where will those seniors go? Then they made the employees "try out" to keep their job. I know of 3 instructors that will go with us to Lifetime, but the others are gone. And those going with us have had their schedules cut way back, AND I can't take class with any of them because they teach at times not convenient to my schedule.

We went ahead and made the switch though. LT is the closest facility to us that does not mak you pay per workout for childcare. The second nearest decent club is LA Fitness. I tried driving to all 3 of them in the area and all took around 20 minutes in traffic. I know I wouldn't use it if I was busy and waffling on whether or not to go. So, we followed the masses...which is what LT wanted everyone to do (eliminate the competition...get more members....make more money).

Today was the last day that formal classes will be taught at HAC. I went to lift weights, but took time to walk through the halls. I won't be able to work out here anymore since the childcare center is being closed. The walls were bare, the pool stripped of all it's toys, the cycles being wheeled out and loaded onto a big truck, the office windows darkened. All the signs of my family health club...gone. It was so sad to walk through and see the staff, maybe for the last time. What a shame that corporate greed has led to this. I realize the owner of HAC agreed to sell, so it's not all LT's fault, and I know I will grow to love my new club (they make a great smoothie and I already have a friend to work out with on T/Th)...but it will take time to get used to it. Ugh....I hate change!

Sad but true

2008-09-25T09:35:00.003-05:00

I am appalled at the immaturity of seemingly normal educated people during this election.
This is something a middle schooler would do:

TV anchor who resembles Palin gets 'hate mail'

Seriously??? Why don't you guys spend your time learning about the huge financial mess that is going on instead. Maybe you would learn something important, like who is actually responsible for the crisis.

And another absurd headline today:

Palin Syrah: Wine Drinkers Balk at a Chilean Wine With Hints of Alaska

Come on people. Over wine? Really??? What if they had switched the label. Would it have hint of moose in it then? I think not. For Pete's sake grow up!

Barf!!!

2008-09-24T16:51:00.005-05:00

Ok, I'm really trying to make this new eating plan work for me. My trainer recommended protein (with low fat and no sugar) at bedtime. She prefers a can of tuna. Have you ever eaten a can of tune without anything on it? Ugh. At bed time? That's just fishy gross.

My favorite health/fitness magazine, Oxygen, calls cottage cheese the "perfect" bedtime snack because the high protein and slow to digest curds feed your muscles through the night. So I tried it last night. I even added Stevia (a natural no calorie sweetener), then some vanilla extract, and I still could not stomach it. I got halfway through it. The taste isn't really that bad, it's the curds that make me gag. Ya know, the things that make it so valuable to your training diet.

You can check out Oxygen fitness magazine here! I do NOT endorse all the ads for fat burners and other dangerous supplements, but hey, you've got to pay for a magazine some way....right? The women on the front are GORGEOUS. Not model skinny, but not huge body builders either. Sleek, muscular, and shapely. They are an inspiration to me!

The good, the ok, and the smelly

2008-09-22T16:18:00.003-05:00

Well we've been on this "eating clean" plan now for a few weeks. I like to think of it as more of a clean lifestyle really (except my house...eww). I have bought SLS-free shampoo for myself and the girls. The boys are much more resistant, but we'll get there. I also have SLS-free body wash for us girls (lavender and vanilla-almond just don't really inspire those guys). We eat more veggies and fruits than ever, and I am proud to say my husband and I have both dramatically reduced our soda intake...well the bad kind anyway. The Duke has replaced DP with Hansen's and Jones colas sweetened with pure cane sugar instead of HFCS. We are still looking for a filtered shower head, though, and I have to admit that we ate at Chik-Fil-A this weekend. (Shhhhhhh) It's a work in progress.

So what's it like?

For the most part, I love it. Here is the low-down on our experience going organic:

The Good-
Jason's Deli (offers a lot of organic choices on the menu now....and they are YUMMO! My favorite is the Cibatta Bing sandwich)
Maria's Safe Salsa- The best salsa I have EVER had!!!! http://www.mariasfreshfoods.com/
You can buy this at Sprouts!
Ezekiel Breads- Sprouted whole grain bread that is a complete protein
Avocados- Who knew healthy fats could be so yummy on nearly everything?
Burt's Bees Papaya face scrub- Reduced the size of my pores within the first two uses. I LOVE this stuff.

The OK-
JASON- SLS free shampoo (doesn't do much for my hair, but I don't hate it
Kefir- Much stronger than plain yogurt flavor, but generally not bad
Stevia- The natural sweetener...um...no so sweet, but then again it's not a chemical and it's calorie free.

And the smelly-
OK, I HATE aluminum-free deodorant. I guess I can pass it off as the weather gets cooler, but I will be reaching for my Degree anti-perspirant. Yowza! I have only tried one brand (ABBA enzyme deodorant). Anyone out there use the Crystal????

Wow...

2008-09-21T14:46:00.005-05:00

Just spent some time catching up on other's blogs. It seems I am going to need a break from reading blogs until after the election. I am absolutely sick ...stopping now. Why do people attack the individuals that run? The only reasonable discussion I have had about this election was with a friend who listens to both sides instead of looking at the party affiliations. We both want a non-partisan candidate. Not just a dem or rep dressed in "libertarian" clothing.

She says the candidates try to mold themselves into the D or R groups "platforms" so they can win the party nomination. I could't agree more. Then they back-peddle everything they have said to win the "swing states" to the point where no one stands for what they really believe in...just what they think people want to hear. And who knows what anyone stands for with all these stupid ads? The back-stabbing, mud slinging....make it stop. Just say what you stand for! I say F*** partisan politics.

But while we are all shopping...why not??? My new bumper stickers and T-shirt, inspired by Obama's new tax plan, and Biden's comment "Paying taxes is patriotic". No, it's a duty. Flying the American flag, being proud to be an American no matter what, and praying to God to hold your country in his hands during these tough times is patriotic. You lost me there big guy.

Wild boys

2008-09-18T17:00:00.002-05:00

What is it with boys (and grown up boys fall into this category as well) that they can sit and watch 2 spiders (or 2 of anything really) fighting for hours. And be mesmerized...

I'm getting a play by play from a 9 yo and his buddy. It's like fight club for arachnids here. Here's hoping the girls wake up and want to play dolls. Much more my speed!

Ladies and gentlemen...my son (part 2)

2008-09-17T08:11:00.002-05:00

This morning Drama demanded that he take his lunch. He couldn't be bothered to endure the horror of corn dogs in the cafeteria. All I have at home is "clean eating stuff" which he also refuses. I made him a peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat (which he refused to eat because of the 'seeds' in the bread), gave him a couple cookies and told him to buy the rest when we went to the gas station. I gave him $5 while I put gas in the car.
Wanna know what is in his lunch???
A Sunkist (drink, not a real orange)
the sandwich
the cookies
a baggie of goldfish
and drum roll....

a brown sugar pop tart!

I think my child is going to turn into an 85 pound bag of sugar. We'll just call him carb from now on. Yes it is my fault for allowing it. In my defense...I didn't argue with him since I had already forced him to wear an itchy shirt and gel in his hair for picture day.

Toxic friends

2008-09-16T08:13:00.002-05:00

I've been wrestling with some things over the past month, and the only person I've had to share them with is the Duke. He is a dude, so he can't make much sense of my feelings. Also, he could do without the rest oft he world and be just fine. He would be happy with our happy family of 5 living on a small tropical island...as long as it had access to FIOS TV! I tend to be more social, but I am trending away from that. Here is why. Maybe one of you all can help me make sense of these awful ugly feelings. I have to be really careful too, since most of my friends read this blog. These feelings aren't directed at any person in particular, just a general feeling of waterloo on the friendship battleground.

Let's go back to grade school. I didn't have any girl friends at my school. Any kids that lived on my block went to public school. I was at a private school up through 8th grade. I would chat with friends at recess, but no one would come over and play, or spend the night the way girls do. I skipped 4th grade and was moved into a 5/6 grade combination LEAP class...which was extremely intimidating!!! I didn't have friends again for a short time, then connected with a girl I danced with. We'll call her A. A and I danced together 4-5 times a week for most of our childhood years. She was the most popular girl in school. Rich, pretty, smart...she had it all. We had so much fun together...sleepovers, carpooling to ballet, parties. Then she stayed at private school for high school and I went to public. She dropped me like a hot potato. That sucked.

My best friend in high school was a boy. We'll call him S. S and I were in most classes together, but really had the most fun in Drama. We were bff's for all 4 years. Though every time I had a boyfriend, or he had a girlfriend...things would get weird for awhile with our other peeps. We were an odd pair. He was the witty dark Thespian, I was struggling for an image at all. A cheerleader, choir member, swim team, drama person....I had many friends. But none were as close as S. Until my senior year where I got close to T and R. (They were girls). T and S and I were in Jazz Choir together. R was a cheerleader with me. Quickly me, R and T became a threesome of bffs. But we would often argue as hormonal girls do, and generally R and T were closer. S remained constant....always there. The last week of school S told me he had been in love with me since our freshman year. WOAH! From that moment I questioned the validity of our friendship. Was it because of that? Or were were actually friends? To this day, we have not spoken since graduation. How sad is that? (I am still in touch with T and R, and visit them often when I am in town, but they are still closer to each other just like in high school).

Thus started my 3-somes of friends. In college my bffs were D and D2. We were all bffs. But they lived together, were in the same sorority (not mine). We are still friends, and they are both Godparents to my children, but they are still closer...they always have been.

I told B when I met him that I have a lot of friends, but not a single close girlfriend. The gf that you call everyday to ask what she is doing. The one who you can call at 4 am. The one you always get a call back from. He was happy to take on that role. And now I am proud to say, that my husband is my tried and true BFF!!! Since we have been married we have found couple friends that we become close to at times, but then things get crazy and we go months without hanging out at all.

I do long for a close girl friend. I always have. Why do I seem to always have boys for bffs? Can I relate to them better? Am I lacking in estrogen? Do I smell? Is it my small boobs? Do I not listen well enough? Am I mean hearted? Shallow? I really am looking for answers here.

Here is what I have wrestled with:

1. In my life I have been in 7 weddings, but have never been the maid of honor.
2. We have 10 people in our lives that we felt strong enough about to be God parents to our children. Yet no friend has ever asked that of us. (I am Godmother to my brother's children, but he lived with me...he knew how awesome I would be to my God babies!) Do we look irresponsible? Is our relationship with God seemingly not strong? Who knows. Should I care?

This all came on strong this weekend when I invited a bunch of girls to go see Mamma Mia. I invited everyone. I bought the tickets. I had a pre-party. I was so busy making sure everyone had food and drink, that I missed the call-outs on cars. Not that it was a big deal, but everyone went in other cars except my mom. She wanted to ride with me. But no one seemed to. And I know it wasn't an attack on me, but after struggling with all of this baggage, that didn't help my case. Mom and I eventually rode with my friends D and D and had a great time.

This book I am reading talks about eliminating toxic friends from your lives. The ones who stress you out, or leave you angry, depressed, irritated. How do you know which are just the daily ups and downs of a normal friendship, and which are really just a bad relationship? Especially when most of my bffs have been boys? Am I out of touch with the ladies? Is there a course for that? Somebody help me out here.

Pastics information anyone?????

2008-09-05T08:58:00.001-05:00

After reading my post last week a friend sent an email about plastics leaching poisons into the beverages we drink. She then said "Don't even get me started on what those little triangles mean".

Does anyone have any more info about this??? I'm intrigued...and worried.

Why I heart Sarah Palin

2008-09-05T07:38:00.007-05:00

I didn't vote in the last presidential campaign. I couldn't stand either person running. Watching them both made me want to stab a pencil in my eye. They say if you want change....then vote. Don't complain if you don't vote. I said....give me something I can work with.

I never get true, honest, un-biased opinions in my arena. My family (husband, parents, in-laws, everyone I am related to) are staunch conservative Republicans. All of my friends are liberal Democrats. What's a middle-of-the-road girl supposed to do? I can't ask someone to help me make sense of the issues, because they are all speaking with conviction for their cause. What about my cause?

Fast forward to this year. I watched the primaries go by just watching the candidates make their cause. I actually thought I would vote for Hillary. What an empowerment to have a woman in office! But thank goodness she didn't win, my husband would have left me on the spot. LOL! There's a reason those voting booths are private! I really enjoyed some talks by Huckabee because he talked about something that is a HUGE issue for the Duke and I. The Duke owns his own small business. And, I aspire to own my own very soon. We are the little people. Raising taxes for government programs puts small businesses out of business. But Huckabee was quickly defeated by a man I wouldn't even give the time of day. Why? I saw McCain as "the establishment" and I don't want any part of that.

Then there was Obama. Hmmm. I thought, well he is a great speaker. People seem to love him. I could vote for him. But the more I watched him, and the more I heard "Hope, hope, change, change" and "let me generalize that subject" I grew tired of that cause and decided to just not vote. (Though I do like Joe Biden).

My husband MADE me watch Giuliani's speech the other night, which was pretty funny. He's a funny guy. Then Sarah walks in looking sweet and innocent. Then she started talking. WHOA she is feisty....like me (my husband refers to it as bitchy). What a cool lady!!!!! She has a great name ;) and a good head on her shoulders. She is (sort of) from my generation at only 44 years of age. I loved her accent, and her lipstick joke. She also mentioned lowering taxes so small businesses can survive. She is a pro-lifer...like myself, but more importantly...she is a mother. I respect any mom who can look that good after 5 children, who can pull herself together to go to work defeating "the establishment" because she knew it could be better. She is a woman who was just like me at on point....a soccer mom who signed up for the PTA.

I think this is cute:

Granted, I don't much about Palin or her background and people may call me shallow for just going with the woman, because is a woman. But hey....I'm voting! How much do we ever really know about candidates? You can't believe what they say...because they say what you want to hear. You can't believe what the media says because they have an obvious agenda. I jut like her personality, spunk, and positive attitude. I would feel so much better having a God-fearing mom in the White House who has my interests at heart: education and family values. I am finally excited about this election. I went from not voting, to wanting to be the first in line at my precinct. (Now if I could just find out where that is LOL).

*disclaimer*
This post isn't intended to piss anyone off. After all, all of my friends are Dems...my family Reps. I don't care who they all vote for...that's what makes our country great. We have a choice! Amen. God Bless America!

Toxic Friday

2008-08-29T10:51:00.003-05:00

I bought some new vitamins last week and they came with a free book. The book is called Perfect Weight America by Jordan Rubin. The book really upset me a first. They first take your BMI. Mine is 23. A healthy BMI is one which falls into the 18-24.5 range. So, I am at my healthy weight right? No exactly, according to this book. I then had to measure my wrist where the hand meets and divide that measurement into my height in inches to determine my frame size. You may be surprised to learn that I have a very small frame according to those measurements. But I bet you will be even more surprised to hear that I am not at my "ideal" weight. I would have to lose 12 pounds at the very least to even fall in the range of my ideal weight. So naturally, I turned my brain off to these crazy ideas and tried not to think too much about it. Who needs another diet program anyway?

Then I happened upon another book at my parent's house. This book is totally insane! In fact I was rolling my eyes the first few chapters....but I couldn't stop reading. It was about natural cures. In this book they state that the sun is a natural healer of disease, and by keeping yourself from it, you disturb this healing process. Then it goes on to say that sunscreen, not the sun, causes cancer. Hmmmmm.

The main message behind the book is to avoid chemicals and chemically -altered foods, medicines, water, etc. As I read this I started feeling sick. #2 on the top 5 list of things to avoid is aspartame...a known carcinogen. Nice. I've actually known this, but I am addicted to diet sodas. And now I know why. Apsartame and other artificial sweeteners are highly addictive. I might as well be doing cocaine. I felt sluggish, greasy, and dirty after reading this book and asked my mom to watch the kids so I could walk through Sprouts (a local "whole" foods market). I picked up some things there to help ease my family into this huge transition. I had already decided to start "eating clean" last week after purchasing 2 of Tosca Renos cookbooks:

Now I am feeling the need to take this a step further. Both books were sending the same message. Eat clean, get rid of processed foods, and reduce the chemicals you expose your body to. They go as far as saying if you can't eat it, don't put it on your skin. It all goes into the same bloodstream. I know I can't rid my family of all chemicals and micro-manage everything they eat. But I can give them the tools to make the healthier choices. And maybe that weight range isn't so off target if I were to actually get rid off all the toxins trapped in my fat cells, and al the bloating that comes from eating processed chemical foods.

So today I am letting my kids and I clean out the toxic food. Drama had a chocolate Pop Tart for breakfast. Mmmmmmmmmmm......gotta love that high fructose corn syrup. And the girls are happily munching on goldfish as I type this. I will drink my last cold Diet Dr Pepper today...and then I am officially done with artificial sweeteners. If people can quit smoking....I can stop drinking poison.

I know this new lifestyle will come with a cost. And honestly, that scares me. I bought 5 things at Sprouts last night and my bill was over $40. But if we will all be healthier in the long run...even live longer...can you put a price on that?

Fried!

2008-08-25T21:26:00.004-05:00

Can't type...must sleep.

Drama started 3rd grade today. He had a great day! However, getting kids ready to send them off to school is exhausting. I noticed when looking at the first day of school pics that we missed that all-important before school haircut.

Which I was going to do today....BUT...

Sunshine has been sick since Saturday. We were out for a friend's Bday when we got the text that she had a 103F fever. UGH! Just got Tink and Drama over that icky fever/throat thing. It sounded like croup, so I treated it like croup. We had the right diagnosis, but today she really seemed to go downhill. By the time I got her to the Dr she had stridor (a high pitched sound resulting from turbulent air flow in the upper airway...audible on SS during inhalation and exhalation). Just sitting in the Dr. her fever went up a whole degree and a half and her breathing deteriorated from oxygen sats at 100 to 98 (which is still ok from what I understand).

The Dr. was worried enough (since croup tends to get worse at night and she was sounding that awful at rest...what if she were crying...or coughing) that she decided to skip the oral steroid and go straight for the IM shot. She said it would work faster (within 6 hours as opposed to 24) and hopefully keep us out of the ER tonight.

She also warned us that croup is highly contagious. Weeeeeeeeeeee! Since SS and TB share a room, there is really nothing we can do but pray. The poor thing sounds awful. She has no voice and we have to keep the monitor up super loud to be able to tell when she is crying. Drama (being dramatic and loving of his sister) actually tears up every time he hears her talk because it sounds like she is "so sick". I keep assuring him she will be just fine with a little humidity, fluids, and rest.

Meanwhile... the Duke is frantically typing his dissertation paper that is to be turned in Wednesday. Pray pray pray.....

So painting, haircuts, cleaning, and organizing has taken a backseat for a bit.

It's beginning to look a lot like...September???

2008-08-21T14:47:00.003-05:00

There's something about the start of school that makes me want to get the house cleaned and organized. In the past I have had one child's room and closet to go through and toss the old, and find places for the new things. Now there are three. I know thing 1 and 2 don't have school yet, but I still feel the need to organize.

The clean drive was ignited last week after a shopping trip to Wal-Mart. I found the perfect "ammonia remover" powder to sprinkle in the cat's litter box so it can stop stinking up my bathroom. The plan completely backfired and we came downstairs the next morning to a mountain of poop on the girl's freshly laundered clothes and a huge pee stain on the couch. The cat PEED on or dry-clean only couch. I'm sure you are wondering why in the world we have a dry-clean only couch with 3 children. Easy answer. Couch was purchased BG. (BG in our house refers to "before the girls"). We got the house that is too small, the couch that is too hard to clean and a multitude of other idiotic choices before we knew they would grace our lives.

So we found the couch we want...leather. We have a leather recliner and the thing looks brand new every time you condition it. Best choice for kids. If you are looking for a sofa, chair, car, anything and you plan on having kids....spent the extra money on the leather. Barf, breast milk and blood all wipe up nicely! Couch is back-ordered until end of month so we have a little time to think about what it will look like in the room. This has spurred craziness in Casa de Insanity.
We have decided to paint three rooms...and have already started on one. Most of the walls to paint are the original builder's white complete with kiddos fingerprints, cat barf, and crayon. What a shame to cover all that history up. *sigh*

Now my house is a disaster as we try to clean up and move things around to paint and then make another mess painting, only to clean that up, etc etc. The good thing is when you paint a room you have to move things around and vacuum, clean floors, etc. And painting (to me) is very calming. That will be awesome. But do you know how impossible it is to paint with little people around? I can do 2 hours a time during naps. That's it. I don't think we will be done in time for school to start. So I will have to settle for being organized somewhere in the vicinity of 2010...

Things that make me even happier!!!

2008-08-19T20:40:00.002-05:00

1. Tomorrow morning, my car will be in the shop to get it's instrument panel cluster replaced. We received a letter about a class action lawsuit against GM for the speedometer failures happening in 2003-2005 models. In response, they have decided to extend the factory warranty on the instrument cluster for 7 years or 70K miles. Thank goodness we are under it! No costs...no worries. So, after tomorrow, I will once again know how fast I am going!

2. N Texas is having some unseasonably cool temps for august. There is a lot of rain...and humidity. But who cares when it is 76 degrees??? Keep 'em coming.

3. I sang at church on Sunday with a group of friends. It is always fun to do this, but even more helpful to me when the Duke is around to hear. His opinion matters more to me than anyone since #1- he is an amazing musician, fully educated in the style of the music I prefer to sing and #2- He will always tell me the truth. Brutal or not...he is honest. And he said it was the best singing he has heard me do so far and recommended to Mr Choir Director that I do a solo next. I told him he has to pick it.
I've never really cared for my voice. In high school I was known as one of those altos who didn't really have a great voice, but could read anything cold. So I was in choir... 3 of them! But I wasn't that great. I didn't like my voice, and it seemed others didn't either. I've never had a big voice. I was rarely (if ever) chosen for solos. Then, after singing alto for years, I was told I could possibly be a soprano. I have never had any formal vocal training except 4 lessons with an Early music soprano, some coaching by Duke, and mostly ear training. After being married to Duke, I have found a place where my voice fits. My clear, non-wobbly sound has found a home. I have found a new confidence in the sound I hear coming back at me, and have really enjoyed singing this past year. And it feels really good to be told by my husband (who by the way is extremely critical in a good way) that I sounded like a professional. Yay!

4. Did I mention school starts on Monday???

Things that make me happy!

2008-08-11T20:30:00.002-05:00

USA Olympic swimming
My new coffee maker (a thermal carafe pot as suggested by many friends)
Drama's artistic ability and love for his little sis'
Tinkerbel's low, raspy, yet very sweet voice
Singing great music this coming Sunday at church
A nice hard rain on a hot summer day
Ezekiel sprouted grain bread, English muffins, and NEW tortillas! YAY!
My CW Dream Hair shampoo and conditioner
The sweet sugar I get from kissing my babies' heads
My husband telling me how "beautiful and young" I look lately
Sunshine saying "I miss you Mommy" and "I love you" and "Is Sunshine a princess?"
My new Sharkie steam mop. It cleans floors (sterilizes even) without chemicals!
The work we did in Iowa. Hard labor, but it felt amazing!
Laughter...from anyone

It continues...

2008-08-05T15:46:00.002-05:00

This morning my coffee maker broke. It's not old, or new really. We got it for our wedding...4 years ago. My coffee maker is to me like a pacemaker is to someone with a bad heart. I hopped in the car and drove to Starbucks that minute...no make-up, hair disheveled, pjs on. When I walked in from SB, skinny latte in tow, my soon to be 2 year old Sunshine said "Mommy got coffee?". It's almost like she was as relieved as I was. Tink is cutting top teeth and last night was horrific.

Must buy new one today. Any suggestions on best brands for that perfect perk me up???

Under siege!

2008-07-28T23:37:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like a little black rain cloud is following you around?
Having a professional musician as the bread winner in the family means that summers are slim around here. Students drop off for summer vacation, and the University rarely has a summer school enrollment for harpsichord 101. Every thing has to fall right into place to make it work. Well, the short story version is that things have not been in place. Not at all...

On our blissful drive back from the beach we noticed our speedometer seemed to be reading high. Maybe 20 mph high. Now, it is stuck on 120 mph all the time. I have no idea how fast I am going unless someone is driving close by. Cost for a new instrument panel??? $600

Two weeks ago, our dryer broke in the middle of two loads of towels. I had moldy towels for a week until my "I can fix anything" dad came over and saved us from buying a new dryer by rigging up a small fix. The real part would have to be ordered. If he weren't around...we'd be screwed. Our dryer is only 3 years old.

The day after, our garage door broke. (I'm not kidding about this). Dad came over and changed a small part and it was working again. But by this point I was asking the Duke what could possibly go wrong next? I should not have asked. Two kids got a nasty throat virus with fevers as high as 104F. It was a long miserable weekend...but I had clean towels...

...until the rigged part died and the dryer stopped working again. Thank goodness above mentioned part was in! Dryer worked again....things were good. I had no idea how fast I was driving, but life was good.

Then the Duke's car died. The alternator was bad. Replacement cost: $300. Dad fixed the car. Car ran well. I kept thinking this was over. I have no idea how fast I am going, but at least D's car is running again.

But tonight in the middle of driving to work the car died again....WITH it's new alternator. And when the D came inside he said the garage motor was sounding "funny" again.

I swear I feel like our last month has been right out of some sitcom...or a cartoon with a little black cloud over my house that follows me around. I'm ready for the storm to blow on through. Let's see a little bit of sun!

Where in the world is the DOI???

2008-07-20T21:31:00.005-05:00

Hmmmmm,

I feel lately like I am being pulled in a million directions....
Let me 'splain in short detail since Army Wives is on and all God's children (at least the younger ones that reside here) are in bed. Not necessarily asleep, but in bed.

We went on our fabulous beach trip, and up until that point I had a mission and a wonderful commitment to changing my family to a positive, healthy, and active one. We are not an "inactive" folk per se, but I think we are so darn worn out after caring for 3 plus the two of us that we choose the easy way out. Like tonight....it was 7pm....didn't want to make dinner so I drove to Sonic. Bad bad bad choice. I even feel like a grease ball after eating it so much that I am making a stop at the shower before I watch AW.

Since we have been home my mission has imploded, my focus waned, my mind feels mushy and my thighs squishy again. I have not been to the gym since July 9th. Up until now....that was unheard of in my house unless a babe or I was sick. My grocery trips have been random spurts of "we need bread", "must get beer", and "our milk expired". It's like something has to be wrong for me to drag myself to that place. That horrible place. I HATE grocery shopping. I would rather iron for 3 hours than grocery shop. No kidding.

I also had a trip with a few friends that was planned for the week after we returned. No kids, no boys, just friends and shopping at outlet malls. Well, that feel through but something wonderful happened. I decided in it's place I would go on a mission trip for my church. I have never been on one before, and it seemed like the right call at the time. I am still very excited, but nervous about being away from the girls for 3 1/2 days. I have never been away from them for more than 21 hours at any given time. Yes it's time...but it is hard.

Which brings me to another point about where I have been. A friend (Tink's Godmother) just had a baby. She so much wanted a natural birth experience, but after nearly 24 hours of labor without progression and baby having decels, they ended up with a C/S. Every friend I have known who this has happened to (including your truly) had a really hard time with this and I feel the need to support her. It is her first baby, and she was having a difficult time with the weepiness. She has been told by many that it is completely normal, but it's nice to have someone to cry with. So, I sit with her and offer to hold baby so she can...fill-in-the-blank....whenever I have free time. By the way I would love to add here that as adorable as my friend's new babys are....holding them has affirmed my choice to end my childbearing years. Don't get me wrong...I love the smell and feel of a newborn...but thank GOD I can give them back when I am done.

Speaking of free time, the Duke and I were blessed by my parents who kept the girls overnight so we could get away for our 4th anniversary. What a treat. We stayed at a fancy hotel in the city and had yummy Italian food without anyone screaming, throwing food, spilling water, etc. The next day we had a couple's massage before picking the kids up. They had a really good time, but my parents looked exhausted. It's nice for them to re-visit this part of their lives so they can thank their lucky stars I grew up and moved out....twice!

I feel sort of like a Roomba. Have you seen these things? They quietly go about their business cleaning floors without any help from another. Once they are done with one room they go to the next and the next, only to come back and do it again. My housework is eating my lunch. I spent 2 hours in Drama's room today (at his request) to help him organize. I just went in to tuck him in and it is a disaster yet again. The upside is that he is quietly reading an enormous chapter book quietly to himself. What a change from the boy who wouldn't read just a year ago. He is now writing his own chapter books. How inspiring! Maybe he should start writing this blog....

The Duke is on a mission to become the best harpsichordist in the world, or something like that. So, he is now practicing 3-4 hours a day. He wants more. I feel that since this is his career, I should let him have the time and make it happen. If I had a salesman husband and he had to finish a presentation, there would be no questions. He would have to get it done. And in all honesty, him performing great recitals will help him make a name for himself. But it is so hard to give him the time. It takes away from my time (to get my housework done) and from our time (when the kids are in bed). So what do you do? He also has informed me he wants to put on a private recital in our home. Now that inspires me! We could have so much fun with that. But our house is small, and space is limited. What to serve? Who to invite? He is, by the way, sounding awesome!

The beauty of multiple children

2008-07-01T12:27:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we moved Tinkerbel's crib into Sunshine's bedroom so we could reclaim our office. There's something about moving furniture around that gets me all gung ho about cleaning and organizing. We have family coming over for Tink's 1st Bday this weekend, so that may also have contributed to the craze.

Anywho, I had Drama place all of his "too young for me" toys in a box located in his bedroom. Since they were boy toys, I figured I wouldn't save any of them and we would take to CCA. However, Tink and SS found said toys and have been playing with Buzz Lightyear for about an hour now. I am pretty sick of hearing "to infinity and beyond", but they are peaceful, quiet, and happy. This is good after the horrific morning of temper tantrums!

WTF??? (and other random thoughts)

2008-06-18T17:44:00.003-05:00

-The other day in the grocery store a man commented to his wife "hey honey...it would actually be cheaper if we could put milk in our gas tank". Sure enough I looked at the price of 1 gallon of milk ($3.29) and compared it to the $89.95 it took to fill my tank the day before (at $3.89/gal). I remember an ad in the newspaper several years back to keep people from complaining about gas prices and they used milk as an example. If you think gas is expensive, imagine if you had to fill your tank with milk. That would be nearly $3 a gallon. I would gladly fill my tank with milk. Could I use the expired stuff in my fridge?

-Also the other day, at a local Starbucks (around 9:30 AM), a mom walks in with her obese daughter. Daughter looked to be maybe 9 or 10. Mom wasn't thin, but not huge. Anyway, she orders herself a tall non-fat latte, then proceeds to order her daughter a grande hot chocolate...extra whip. Then says "oh and a donut". Hunh??? Why don't you just order her a side of diabetes and a heart attack with it lady...you are killing your offspring.

-My 11 month old and 22 month old wear the same size in clothes right now.

-My 8 year old is almost as tall as his best friend's mother and is one shoe size away from men's footwear. Do they put miracle grow in Fruity Pebbles?

-On a random day at 2 pm in Texas, in the middle of June, it was 72 degrees. Sweet!

-I'm getting a bikini wax this Friday. When I made the appt. they tried to sell me a .5 oz vial of "numbing creme" for the pain for the bargain price of $17. I said no thanks and proceeded to drive across the street to Wal Mart and buy the same stuff, in a 6 oz bottle for $3. Highway robbery at best.

Holy canoli!

2008-06-16T21:01:00.002-05:00

Has it really been 4 weeks since my last post? I was catching up on Elastigirl's blog, and saw that it had been awhile since an update. Since most of you read my family blog...you know I have been busy with 3 kids at home this summer. If you don't read it...and want to see the babes, check it out here. What is my excuse for not blogging? I don't really have a good one.

My baby started walking, and climbing which could be it's own post... complete with expletives. One day while sitting inside amongst a few girlfriends, I looked out at her and she was standing on the kid's patio furniture. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...how did she get up there, I wondered quietly to myself??? Before screaming at three adult males (including her father) "someone get the baby!!!!!". Do they not see these things? Do all parental skills fly out the window the minute you put a beer and a grill tool in their hands? Do they see an 11month old dancing on a chair and dismiss it as normal? Are they normal? Don't answer that.

I have also been going to the gym everyday (not weekends) to make up for my complete lack of commitment to my goals and thus, my jello-like physique. We leave for the coast this weekend, and I wanted to be solid. As my trainer always says, "I don't care how big it is, as long as it doesn't jiggle". I know here are people out there rolling their eyes at me right now as they read this... I am hard on myself when it comes to fitness. It's my only hobby right now since my choir totally went defunct. Fitness is all I have outside of my family duties...and I feel like I have failed. Here is my take on it. People will spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on cars, shoes, jewelry, etc...but many spend very little time or money on their body...their health...their livelihood. You get one body to last your lifetime. How long will you keep your car??? House? last year's Coach purse??? Exactly. I DID get the Duke to sign up for the gym, and we have been training together. That is a lot of fun and I am so excited he is working out for his health and well-being. What a great thing for couples to do together!!!

My third and lamest excuse is that my 3 children at home, and the chores that come with them...are exhausting. The floors....OMG the floors....!!!! Did you know it only takes ants 5 minutes and 24 seconds to locate a dropped piece of waffle on the floor. They are everywhere....the floors....did I mention I hate them??? My brain does not work so well right now. Thoughts are mostly garbled junk, interspersed with a random brilliant idea...that fades silently with the lack of motivation I feel right now. I have not forgotten about you, all two of my loyal readers...I'm just lazy.

Shouldn't bloggers follow the lead of prime time TV and just show repeats during the summer? How would that work? Highlights from the past year? Low lights? Crap...I need to get my hair done.....

We are each other's angels

2008-05-13T18:45:00.006-05:00

The whirlwind that was last week is finally winding down. The Duke got home in one piece...but brought home friends. I have had his nasty Peruvian cold virus now for a week. I thought I was getting better Friday, but now it's descended into my lungs and I just feel awful. Along with the homecoming, I had a baby shower I was co-hosting this week. It is always fun to plan parties for friends, but after co-hosting 5 showers in the last 2 years...I am officially retiring. I don't care WHO of my friends gets preggo...they are on their own. It's kind of sad because I have become quite crafty at making diaper cakes. Sigh....maybe a business venture for the future???

Anyway, I never got around to officially thanking all of my "angels" from the 12 days Duke was gone. I could have never made it without all of my support from family and friends.

Mom, who watched the girls so I could pick up items at the store without an entourage and attend a nice dinner with friends. I always feel comfortable leaving my children with my parents. They also watched the girl the night before the Duke left so he and I could have our first date in a year. how sad is that??? It was wonderful. We need to do that much more often.

MB who brought pizza (and wine!!!) and helped watch a child so I could put the other in bed without her being unattended. Also gave me much needed adult time!

Elastigirl who offered to watch the girls Friday so I could have a "me" day. When the Duke heard about this he bought me a "day at the spa" to use . It was amazing! I had a facial, massage, and aromatherapy steam shower. I also came home to a clean floor, and freshly washed dishes. Thanks EG... you rock!

Friends Miles and Riegers, who came over one Friday night just to hang out and give me company.

Super-dad T who watched the girls so I could escape to get a haircut and lunch....then hosted Mrs Swizzle and I for adult time while kids played happily on back patio.

Friend Mrs McG who called several times and invited me to tag along with the fam just to get me out of the house.

Friend DM who droped by just to say hi several times.

The Swizzles who had the most wonderful Tequila Rockband Extravaganza one night despite my very unhappy children (and my cranky self).

Dad, who took Drama to school everyday and picked him up so I didn't have to wake up the girls.

I know I am probably leaving someone out. But you can get my idea. One of the reasons the Duke said he felt comfortable leaving us for so long...so far away...is because of our awesome support system. We are blessed to have such angels in our lives. I hope I can return the favor for a friend in need one of these days. It brings to mind a song I love by Sara Hickman.

We Are Each Other's Angels

Well, I hope I see you later
Cuz it's time for me to go
And my ride has just pulled over
But it sure was good to know you
Go answer your calling
Go and fill somebody's cup
And if you see an angel falling...
Won't you stop and help her up?
Cuz we are each other's angels
And we meet when it is time
We keep each other going
And we show each other signs...
Sometimes you'll stumble
Sometimes you'll just lie down
Sometimes you will get lonely
With all these people around
You might shiver when the wind blows
Yea, you might get blown away
You might lose a little colours
You... you might lose a little faith...
But we are each other's angels
And we meet when it is time
We keep each other going
And we show each other signs...
Well, I reached my destination
Yea, I finally made it home
God sent ten thousand angels
To make me one of his own...

A completed chapter of my life

2008-05-10T08:48:00.000-05:00

Last week while the Duke was gone, I decided to do some spring cleaning. I still have a long way to go, but on thing I accomplished was cleaning out the kids' clothes that are too small. I've boxed and bagged them up, along with my leftover maternity clothes, and they are awaiting decisions as to where they will go. So sad to pack away those baby things. So tiny...so cute! I kept most of the newborn clothes for the girls to use as doll clothes, and I kept all the sentimental things to cherish.

The biggest closed chapter, however, is the end of my breastfeeding career. I have nursed all three of my children as long as they wanted, and now...my baby has decided she is done. She nursed the longest of the 3 by far. Drama was 6 months, and Sunshine 4 months (cut short by pregnancy with Tink affecting the taste...she doesn't seem any worse for the wear). A part of me is sad to know that chapter is over.

The big boobs of pregnancy and nursing have given way to the saggy, mismatched, water balloons of motherhood. But at the same time I feel like I have regained a portion of me that has been missing for quite sometime. I have been pregnant or nursing a child since December of 2005. I have not been able to take any good medications for colds, headaches, etc...or drink in any great or regular amounts. Not that I drink that much, or take many OTC drugs...but the point is that now I can. I can go away for the weekend and not worry about pumping, storing, or engorgement. It's a liberation that is refreshing. Last night I actually slept through the first night time feeding in 2 1/2 years...and the Duke took care of it...and I never knew it until I saw a bottle in the sink this morning. How sweet is that??? And I can always look at my beautiful children and know that I gave them the best start in life, with a sacrifice that was more than worth it!

Goodbye 32 DD boobs....hello mini-freedom!

Today is the day!

2008-05-05T08:23:00.002-05:00

In about 1 1/2 hours, the Duke's plane will land...and assuming I can wrangle the children...we will be waiting at the baggage claim. I've been really curios to see how each child will react towards him. Sunshine has been having serious separation anxiety crying out for me at odd hours of the night, yet Drama said "wow, already...that was a fast trip". Tinkerbell seems no worse for the wear. She does say a lot of words now when prompted, so it will be fun to show him her new skill. Her words include da-da, ma-ma, uh-oh, baby (doesn't sound very much like baby), ba-ba, and no. Sometimes I can't tell if she is saying na-na, or just two or more "no's" in a row....so possibly another word. I was hoping she would have been walking more, but I guess it's a good thing that he didn't miss much. She did take 5 steps towards me on Wednesday, but has yet to repeat the process.
Sunshine has also picked up some interesting words. When Tink cries she says "she go nite-nite". REALLY cute....unless SS hits her first and then says that. Um, no SS, she is not crying because she needs to sleep, she just needs you to stop hitting her.

Do you all have any experience with dads/moms being gone long? Should I expect SS to react negatively? My mom mentioned that I ignored her when she came back from a trip when I was SS's age. I guess we can't really predict children, and how they will react. And...after the weeks I've had with the Duke gone I would say he deserves whatever is coming to him. Mwa ha ha ha!!!

Sleep...what's that?

2008-04-30T08:56:00.002-05:00

Most women I have known in my life say they do not sleep well when their significant other is out of town. I am right there with them. I get the whole bed, don't have to fight for covers, and no one is snoring in my ear...but can't doze off. It's too quiet. Eerily quiet. I am a light sleeper...always have been. This has been magnified by having children...I have the monitors turned up so loud I can hear them breathing.

This trip I have been thrust into crazy mode. I don't sleep. I listen for every sound outside and in. Dogs barking, son getting up to use restroom at 3 AM, babies sneezing, car doors closing, airplanes flying over....it makes my head spin just thinking about it. Every night the kids have gone to bed by 8:30, and slept well. But I have been tossing and turning until around 2.

Last night I decided to give myself a break and take some Tylenol PM. Have you ever had the stuff??? It's good stuff. My OB recommended it for the last few weeks of pregnancy when I could not sleep to save my life...and it DID save my life. It was still sitting on the shelf in the medicine cabinet and called to me yesterday. I took two (I usually take only one).

BIG MISTAKE!!!!

Tinkerbel was up screaming from 9-11 last night. I also (dumb move) let Drama attend a baseball game with his Godparents and he walked in the door at 11:15. Then around 11:30 got a text from the Duke saying he missed everyone and would be traveling most of today blah blah blah. I finally fell fast asleep...until Sunshine starting shrieking around 1AM. I rocked her to sleep and put her soundly in her crib...3 times. She would wait until I crawled into bed, then started up again. Around 2:15 she woke her sister up and I told her she was on her own until I got the baby back to sleep (I figured she would be easier). She went down like a breeze, and I went back in, gave SS a Motrin dose and some water to drink, then rubbed her back for 15 minutes. She finally fell back asleep. Then TB was up for her usual 6AM feeding.

Sheesh I am tired. It's almost like my kids knew that I took a sleep aid. How do they do that???

Let the screaming begin...

2008-04-28T09:57:00.006-05:00

It's already started. Sunshine has been up for only 10 minutes and they are already fighting. They fight over anything...toys, sippys, nothing. Tink is screaming because it appears that she wants a teddy graham that Sunshine is sitting next to. SS is screaming back "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the tops of her lungs and throwing them in the opposite direction. Does sibling rivalry really start this young? I have made many attempts to have 2 of most things. But it's just impossible. Besides many times SS will just take both and run off yelling "MINE" since TB is still only crawling and much slower. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she realizes that A: TB can catch her and B: TB is bigger than her (because it is obvious that she will be).

I am exhausted. The Duke is on Day 5 of his trip. He gets to sit on a bus for 7 hours today, do one concert, then have a leisurely dinner. Tomorrow he gets the day off to do whatever. I've heard they might visit a fabulous mercado to "shop". HE HATES SHOPPING!!!!!! How is this fair? I think I am going to buy a plane ticket for Cozymel and when I go to pick him up at the airport next Monday just drop the kids and leave. What do ya think? Would that be mean?

Now before you answer, let me give some background information. I went back to work when Drama was 6 months old. I worked in a position where I traveled 3-4 times a year...mostly to Canada. It was liberating to go places and see new things. Yes I missed my child, but I had a life, good hair, and always freshly painted toenails. Fast forward 8 years and here I am literally stuck in my own situation. The Duke just told me he was going to South America one day and I had nothing I could say to keep him here. I was invited with friends to go out of town for 3 days this summer (only 2 nights....not 11) and was given the third degree. Where are you going? What are you doing? What about work for those days? Uh darling...wherever you are out there. I don't care....I am going. Figure it out amongst yourselves.

Can you tell I am mildly irritated? I am tired, the girls were up crying every 30 mins last night until 2, and I have had a headache every night since the D left. And the screaming....oh...the screaming.....make it stop!

God save the Duchess

2008-04-24T20:24:00.004-05:00

The middle one...Sunshine (which by the way I really need to work on new names) can open doors now. Why God? Why this week?

She just let Tinkerbell into Drama's room, which is still a mess from last week though he has been asked everyday to fix it. And...there were crayons...and coins...and I am pulling my hair out.

Where do you get those door things to keep kids out??? And do they deliver? Jeez I don't want to go out in public with thing 1 and thing 2 right now. I want to crawl under a rock and hide...would that be child abandonment? Hmmmm???

On the other side of the world

2008-04-24T19:54:00.002-05:00

Right now, the Duke is flying somewhere over the equator. He is far far away. When he lands in South America tonight, we will be over 4200 miles apart. When you look at the globe, he is literally on the other side of the world. The cold winds come from the South Pole, it is autumn...turning into winter there. It seems strange to me...like he is in another world.

Getting ready for this trip has been extremely hard for us. About a month ago it hit him how long 12 days is, and he quickly regretted agreeing to go on this excursion. It wasn't required of him. He had only 24 hours to think about it and give an answer to the director. He says with another few hours to think on it, he would have answered no. The trip is poorly planned and until Saturday we didn't even know where he would be on any given day. He has received a vaccine for yellow fever and been warned to not take a shower loner than 2 minutes. No brushing your teeth with local water. Everything to drink must be brought to you in sealed bottle, which is then to be wiped down, and finished with a straw. Apparently the water could make them very sick. He has a special diarrhea kit, mosquito spray, and several rehydrating packets. So again...why is he there?

Some Baroque music festival. I hope it is worth it for him....and for me! He called from Miami during his layover and talked until they made him turn off his phone just in case we can't talk while he is away. I feel empty without him. I know that sounds strange, but he really is my best friend, my soul mate, my second self. I miss him already....and the breaks I get from the crazies...and the fact that he does the dishes every morning...and makes my morning coffee for me (sometimes brings it to me in bed). How will I cope tomorrow?

So far I have the coffee pot on auto. Hopefully I won't forget that you have to add water, and coffee...so much for auto. Sign me up for a magic coffee pot. Do they make those?

Quick bikini challenge update

2008-04-21T11:23:00.002-05:00

Had an appointment with the trainer today. I have lost 5 pounds since March 5th, including 2 pounds of fat. The bad news is that while my overall body fat % went down a point, I lost 3 pounds of muscle. She says I'm not eating enough; and she's not on board with Ms Michael's one snack a day garbage. She reminded me to up my protein intake, not skip meals, and eat every 2 hours....and keep up the good work. I can see a bikini of some sort in the not-so-distant future.

Day 13

2008-04-19T21:04:00.002-05:00

How am I doing? Well, I fell off the wagon last weekend. I hopped back on for the exercise portion this week, but I was too tired and irritated to make diet food...why??? ...period number 3. Yes, I am smack in the middle of my once-every-3 months cycle. Hooray. I think I make up for the other two months all in about 3 days. I am low-energy, low-patience, and low-willpower from chocolate.

So, I started last week off strong. I ate perfectly M-F and worked out M/T according to the book. Unfortunately I was too sore to complete Th/F workouts. Oh well. By the end of the week I was honestly seeing a difference in my stomach area. It was so motivating. Then for some reason this week I hit the workouts hardcore, but ate terrible things (like home made peanut butter cookies...MMMMM, and some frozen Cadbury eggs I was saving for August...sigh). I feel pudgy again and fluffy. My belief now is that if you can only handle one discipline, go with the diet. It made more of a difference in my body....in a HUGE way. I felt more in control last week, more focused. The food gave me energy to exist in my crazy corner of the world. This week has been full of energy slumps and sugar crashes.

Let's hope next week is better. I need to plan better. Though, I don't know how I will do all this with the Duke out of the country. Let me ponder that for awhile....and get back to ya.

Support for the girls

2008-04-15T13:58:00.005-05:00

So, at church last week, a friend whispered to me asking if I had found "the bra". LOL
Of course I did, you think I'm gonna let the girls hang out after nursing 3 children? Fat chance.

I actually did quite well. I was dropped at TJ Maxx without the children and was given 30 mins to find something. Have you ever tried to find a bra at TJ Maxx??? I mean a good one? I was looking for something to lift the deflated water balloons off of my waist. However, there was one strapless bra in a size anywhere close to what I should be wearing, and it had to be. It was the most uncomfortable thing, besides a nursing child with teeth, that has ever touched my boobs.

Moral of the story...don't shop for foundations at a discount store.

Speaking of discounts, however, I did find some FABULOUS knock-off shoes at a discount shoe store for the wedding. Have you heard of Carlos by C. Santana shoes??? OMG they rock!!!!

Check them out here.

Anyway, they retail for $98. I found mine for $48. They are basically the same shoe. In fact, several women on the ship commented on my awesome "Carlos" shoes. Ah, if they only knew. Maybe the real ones don't give you blisters. Yowsers!

Here is me in my wedding attire, and then....the shoes....

Day 1

2008-04-07T20:57:00.005-05:00

A friend of mine got me interested in a book by Jillian Michaels. She's the hardcore buff brunette trainer (Jillian that is, although Mrs. Swizzle could probably beat me in an arm wrestling match...and is brunette as well) on NBC's Biggest Loser Challenge show . The book is called "Making the Cut". It's a book with a 30 day plan (diet and exercise) for those who want to lose those last stubborn 10-20 pounds and get "ripped". (For those who want to lose more she suggests starting with her first book, "Winning by Losing".

In my sleep-deprived craziness, I decided to give it a try. Ever since I was a personal trainer (9 years ago....sheesh I am aging fast) I am fascinated by reading about new diet methods and plans and giving them a try. Honestly, most of them are crap. The ones that work are based on the same principal. Eat more whole foods, less sugar and junk, eat less calories than you burn....blah blah blah. I once tried the infamous South Beach diet and actually lost the 8 pounds in 2 weeks they promised. Of course the minute I added chocolate chip cookies back in...those 8 were back...plus some.

So now I have officially lost 40 pounds from the day I gave birth to Tinkerbel. YAY! I still want to lose between 10-15, but honestly if I stayed this size forever, I would be genuinely happy with it. I have worked hard for this size....so why I am stepping it up a notch???

Three words:
Summer beach trip.

I have not been able to travel the last 2 summers due to pregnancy/delivery/etc. So this summer we are going for it. 1 week in Dauphin Island, with some friends. I want to not be afraid of the bikini, I don't want my thighs to touch anymore and I want my butt lifted about 4 inches. So look out J Michaels. I am taking on your challenge.

Today I have stayed strictly on the diet but I added about 300 calories to what she gives the average Joe since I am still nursing. I did have a diet soda (which is a no-no) but other than that I have stayed true. And honestly, I feel good. I don't feel hungry like usual. This is a pleasant surprise. I also started the Day workout and OUCH! I was dying. I am not used to working out at that pace and I couldn't even perform some of the moves she dictates. Hopefully that will improve as I gain strength.
So here's to 30 days of no alcohol, no soda (except today), no sugar andno fast food.

That looks scary!

Wish me luck!!!

We're back!

2008-04-03T17:21:00.002-05:00

We got home late Monday evening. The airplane ride was quite peaceful since both girls fell asleep. I got to watch "Enchanted" with no sound. Where do the airlines get off selling crappy earphones for $2 a set? Remember when they were free? I guess if I had my own Ipod (hint hint next Christmas...), I would have had my ear buds with. Oh well, I'd already seen the movie anyway.

So we were sitting on this completely packed flight when the captain announced over the PA that were grounded for 55 minutes due to a tornado in Texas. AS I tried to hold Tinkerbel still on my lap and my mom wrestled with Sunshine, I prayed that something good would come of this. I prayed for sanity, peace, and that the man sitting next to me didn't hate children as much as his facial expressions led me to believe. Then, the captain returned. He mentioned that due to all the storms we would need extra fuel in case we needed to circle above, and we could not carry a full passenger load with the extra fuel. 10 passengers were booted off. Guess who???

Yep, grumpy man sitting next to me. High five God! My children had their own seat to share and on take-off they both passed out. Is that wrong that I was so happy he was kicked off? He was flying standby anyway, and I'm sure his trip was much more enjoyable without kids kicking him from every angle.

So now I am back to reality. No more yachts in sunny Newport Beach harbor. No more fancy shoes and cocktails dresses, massages and pedis. I am back to jeans and T's, flats and laundry....endless loads of laundry.

I do have to insert here that the Duke impressed me in an amazing way.
He is anti-housework. I always joke around that I refuse to handicap my children the way MIL handicapped my husband. Sh did all the housework. She was STILL doing Duke's laundry when we met. That should have been a sign to run the other way! But I stayed and have been fighting a losing battle ever since.

BUT...

On Monday, I came home to a clean house! Not just picked up, but mopped, and vacuumed! He even washed the girls crib bedding (including bumpers) and put them back on. How wonderful it was to walk in to a clean house, and roses.

Geez, I need to get away more often. Next time without the crazies!
Where should we go???

Checking in

2008-03-29T13:16:00.002-05:00

Hi friends,

I'm in California for the week. I left Tuesday and won't be back until late Monday night. I took the girls with me too. Crazy hunh? It hasn't been too bad. I have just really come to appreciate baby-proofing.

My dear friend, T, hosted us in Bakersfield. P.s. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH T!!!!!!
I never worried about anything there because she has 2 children of very similar ages and everything that was in reach was ok for them to touch. Everywhere else we have been has been a different story. I am constantly running around pulling things out of Tinkerbel's mouth and pulling Sunshine out of cabinets.

Apparently my stress about my children tearing apart other people's homes has led a family member to call me "High maintenance".

Hmmmm....I don't think I agree with that assessment. I just like things the way they are at home, and I have been a little shaken up at not having luxuries like 2 high chairs, 2 cribs, 2 baby monitors. I don't need much else, but I do need sleep, and a bra for this wedding tomorrow.

HOw in the world and I going to find a strapless in 15 minutes. That's about how long I will have to find one.

Wish me luck!!!!

Good Friday

2008-03-21T09:19:00.004-05:00

I have very fond memories of Easter weekend as a child. I went to a private Christian school up through junior high, so we never had classes on Good Friday. Where I grew up it doesn't rain. (OK it does, but not much. 5 inches a year compared with our 32 inches here). But it always seemed to be rainy on Good Friday. It was such a great day. We would stay inside and start cooking and decorating the eggs as a symbol of new life and the Resurrection that would happen in three days.

Well, today is anything but rainy, cloudy, and cold. I feel a little cloudy since I feel terrible, but the sun and sky are as gorgeous as ever. When we woke up this morning I rolled over an poked the Duke saying "This is what the sky should look like on Easter, not rain and clouds"....sigh. The forecast calls for two cold fronts to pass through in the next 48 hours. And as soon as everyone is up and dressed. I am off to look for sweaters and tights to match the girls' outfits.

My thoughts right now are completely about my voice and solo tonight. How will it respond after all the coughing? I was still able to sing yesterday, but have not tried to vocalize yet this morning. I already have a hard time getting through the piece. The words and notes are piercing in a most dreadful way. I have a hard time singing the last line without choking up.

To leave you with a Good Friday thought, I am posting the words to the piece I am singing tonight. May you have a blessed Easter!

The Crucifixion
-Samuel Barber

At the cry of the first bird, they began to crucify Thee. O swan!
Never shall lament cease because of that.
It was like the parting of day from night.
Ah sore was the suffering borne by the body of Mary's Son.
But sorer still to Him was the grief which, for His sake,
came upon His mother.

The way things always seem to be

2008-03-20T08:43:00.002-05:00

First of all I would like to apologize to all 2 of my faithful readers. It turns out that the Duke was very sick with pneumonia. So my free time when splat! And I'm still catching up on cleaning and laundry. All this is going on during the midst of Holy Week in our church. We have church everyday from today through Sunday. Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, the Great Easter Vigil on Saturday night and then of course Easter Sunday.

This year I was asked by my choir director to sing a piece called "The Crucifixion" on Good Friday. Usually we don't have a formal choir at that service and I stay home because we are so involved in every other service. But of course I said yes, and have been working on this piece that is completely out of the realm of music I would normally choose to sing. I'm having a difficult time with it. Oh, and did I mention G Friday is tomorrow????

A friend and I had also been talking about singing a duet. There is a great piece I have always loved and wanted to sing. The accompaniment was written for basso continuo (frequently done in the Baroque period). The instruments are not specified and many different options exist. However, if you look at the score the bottom line (for the accompaniment) is just one note, occasionally surrounded by a few numbers. Playing continuo involves interpreting these figures into a whole part. It's all done by improvisation. The only person I know who can read figured bass is my husband. So I asked our director if we could sing the duet on the Saturday before Easter because the Duke will be able to attend church with me that night and play (our church organist does not read figures). Of course, he said yes. Then, he was fishing for something to do during Communion on Easter Sunday. You can see where this is going....yes we are repeating the duet on Sunday.

So this weekend is going to be full and busy. I also have all the Easter stuff that parents normally need to do: get haircuts, buy Easter shoes, and tights, and sweaters?

Which brings me to my point of this post. The last 4 Easters that I can remember (except for when I was pregnant with Sunshine) it has been chilly (or rainy) on Easter Sunday. Girls have been wearing large sweaters and jackets over their pretty dresses. Boys have cords on instead of cute short sets. It's just not right! We live in an area that has the most beautiful Springs! If you look at our forecast for the next 10 days it will be sunny and around 75 everyday...except Easter. High of 50, and rainy.

Why does this keep happening? Easter is supposed to be beautiful and sunny and springy and happy! I know it's just the weather. It does not lessen the miracle of the Resurrection. I would just like it to be sunny and 75 for once. So my girls can wear their dresses and Drama can wear his nice shorts and sandals.

If that weren't bad enough, I am starting to feel like I am getting what the Duke had (my mom has also had it, and Drama, so I guess I'm the lucky next in line). But see....I can't afford to get sick. I have to clean my house, shop for E baskets, find shoes, sing three times in front of a total of possibly 500 people, then pack to go out of town next Tuesday. I can't get sick. But it always seems that I do get sick when I have important things to do. I always seem to get sick when I have to sing. Wat would it sound like if I could actually sing when I am well? Would my voice even work without having to fight over phlegm and a swollen throat?

Why does this always happen? Am I cursed? Is it because I am so busy and stressed that my immune system collapses?

I am taking every homeopathic remedy I know of to gt well faster. But it's not working and my level of stress keeps rising as I worry about my solo tomorrow, Saturday, and the next day.

Just curious???

2008-03-08T09:06:00.002-06:00

Who ever made the rule that when the kids get sick, they get to rest? When the dad gets sick he gets to rest? But when the mom gets sick, no one gives a darn???

The Duke has been very sick the last two day with fever and body aches. By George, I think he's got it (the flu that is)! He has been camped out in the recliner or bed since Thursday afternoon. In the mean time I have picked up his slack as well like taking out the trash, cleaning up his dishes, etc. So I do feel sorry that he is so sick, but a part of me is resentful that if I end up with this miserable bug I will still be making lunches, doing laundry, feeding children, and paying bills.

Does that sound normal?

A beautiful Ministry

2008-03-07T08:17:00.003-06:00

This past Saturday I was contacted by our church organist via email. The subject of the email was "favor?". I just assumed it was for the Duke, asking him to play organ in her absence or some sort. I opened it and it was addressed to me. Hmmmmmm.....

Church organist's sister's MIL had passed away and the funeral was set for Monday. It turns out that S's MIL (Martha) was also a church organist before she became very ill with kidney disease. Music was at the heart and soul of this family. In fact, the day before, the BIL had asked if church organist could round up a few musicians to do the Brahms "Requiem" at the service. She laughed and asked him if he had about $8K, cause that is what it would take....oh and about 8 months. It takes about a choir of a hundred and a ginormous orchestra!

Since that wasn't an option she offered him a few soloists. One of them was me! I sing at church all the time, mostly in duets, or small chamber groups, but have never done something like this. I was singing at some one's Requiem. People were counting on me to give them beautiful music to grieve, remember, hope and then send their loved one off to the care of God. What a HUGE task. What if I messed up? And they remembered that for ever??? That AWFUL soloist, man she just ruined our mother's Memorial.

So what did I say?
Absolutely. I would be honored. And then I freaked out about it for the next 24 hours.

They asked me to sing "Pie Jesu" from the Faure Requiem. It is a very beautiful piece for soprano. We ran through it once on Sunday, and once again Monday morning and that was the only times I had ever really looked at it. Thank goodness for sight reading!!!! Also, I was getting sick. My throat was so sore I was drinking hot coffee, using throat spray and lozenges the whole time. It felt like razor blades when I sang.

*A side note here....I am blessed with singing in the most acoustically perfect space in Texas for a voice like mine. My church has no carpet, and is all brick. The sound carries well and comes back to you. This space I sang in on Monday was like singing into a pillow. It was hard to make the sound carry.*

The BIL and CO's sister, along with their family, came to meet us before the service. They were very appreciative to me for doing this on such short notice.
The service started and was quite beautiful until the Priest said "The Lord be with you" and like all good Episcopalians we screamed from the choir loft "And also with you". We got a glare from CO's husband, who is also an E. Priest. Duh, they were using Rite I. Who uses that anymore? I guess the correct answer would have been "And with thy spirit". Oh well.

After the extremely short Homily it was my turn. I started singing, but wasn't nervous like I usually am. Something was different. I had read over the English translation of the lyrics during the homily and looked at the picture of her in the bulletin. It was as if I were singing to her some sort of lullaby, like I would sing to my own kids. Everyone else in the church disappeared, and I just looked at her casket and sang her to peace. It was an incredibly moving and spiritual moment.

As I was leaving church choir on Wednesday night, CO handed me an envelope. Inside was a thank you note from the family, and $150. I never really expected to be paid. I had never been paid for singing before. It was only a 3 minute song. That's $50 a minute! I was glad to do it.
I guess now I am technically a semi-professional musician since I was paid. LOL
But what a great feeling, money aside, to be able to give to people in their grief and to Martha in her Heaven! May light perpetual shine upon her.

Here are the translated words of the piece:

Merciful Lord Jesus, grant them rest, rest everlasting.

Disrespect

2008-03-05T21:12:00.000-06:00

I heard some horrifying news today. My husband's church, and the cemetery that is part of it was trampled by members of the T. Democratic Party that were caucusing. His church is a landmark in our town, and is over 150 years old. Members of the church, and other locals have generations of their loved ones laid to rest here. It was a beautiful place.

Now, headstones have been broken, graves demolished, monuments and flowers soiled by tire tracks, boards, trees branches and mud.

Who could do this? I realize there wasn't much room to park, and apparently the caucus got out of hand. But there are several streets nearby with ample parking. A huge grass lot to the west of the church is quite large. Why did they park on sacred ground? Is casting your vote worth driving over a freshly dug grave with some one's child in it? Who does these things?

Anyway, this is not a political post. I try to stay our of political wars. I consider myself a moderate, but tend to vote R. I DO vote for who I think is the best candidate with respect to my views regardless of partisan ties. I am pro-life, pro-capital punishment, but also a big proponent for education and support for children who are under insured. I don't know that the Republican party would have been any more respectful. Has this election and the excitement behind it led to just utter disregard? I really hope not.

If I'm going to blow away....

2008-03-03T16:27:00.001-06:00

A friend sent me this email today. I have felt a lot like this, and I know some of my blogging friends have too, so I thought I would share....

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in
whom I trust."(Psalm 91:2)

It was a windy day in the Midwest. My children
and I were out on a day of errands. Most of the day had been spent in the
protection of buildings built close together. But, our last stop put us at a
store that was all by itself at the edge of town. As I parked the van, the
wind made it sway slowly from side to side. On the count of three, we put our
heads down and barged into the outdoors. Once outside, my daughter ignored my
outstretched hand and, instead, wrapped both her arms around the top of my
leg. "If I'm going to blow away," she said, shouting above the wind, "I
want to blow away with you!" The wind was more than she could withstand. It
had knocked her down twice that day already. She had resigned herself to the
fact that the wind may, indeed, totally sweep her off her feet at some
point. I hobbled all of us into the store. Once inside, I squatted to her
level. "Did you really think that the wind would blow you away?" I asked as I
tried to untangle her long, blonde hair for the 1,000 time that day. "Yes,
Mommy," she said bluntly. "But if you came with me, I wouldn't care." What
she did not know was that I was feeling as if life was about to blow me away.
The pressures and stresses were like the wind outside – turning what should have
been a sunny, wonderful day into a climate in which I could barely stand. For
months, I had felt like at any minute, I may be knocked down by the sheer force
of it. When she wrapped her arms around me with complete faith in my
ability to get us through the wind, she reminded me that I, too, had someone to
cling to in times like these. Most of all, she reminded me of the child-like
faith with which I can hold on.

Prayer From a Mother's Heart
Dear God, help my child to cling to you in times of joy and in times of trouble
throughout her life.

Looking in the window of life

2008-02-27T18:58:00.003-06:00

I took a friend of mine to the OB yesterday to have a sonogram. She is on strict bedrest and I offered to drive her. Of course I wanted to help a friend, but some of it was pure selfishness.
Here's why.

I LOVE sonograms. Not just my own, any sonogram. Peering into the amazing human body (ok, especially my own) and watching a life grow week by week is about the most fascinating thing I have witnessed in my life.

Some of you may or may not know that I had weekly sonograms and NSTs with both of my girls from about 22 weeks. With Sunshine it was gestational diabetes, with Tinkerbel it was oligohydramnios (low fluid). Every week I laid there and watched in amazement as their features became more human-like and they would move: yawn, suck their thumb, hiccup, etc. It was like time stopped for 15 minutes. I never got tired of it.

I loved it so much that towards the end of my last pregnancy I decided I would like to be a sonogram tech when I grow up. It seems to be my calling. I feel a deep desire to learn the art.

And so I begged my friend DM to let me go and be a bystander. Nothing had changed. It still moved me when we saw the first glimpse. She looked at the placenta first. I must add that I have seen so many sonograms in the last two years, I can pretty much tell what structure is being measured. She checked presentation and found out the baby had moved from a breach to a vertex position.(YAY! She gets to try a regular delivery). We saw the face so clearly it was like we were looking at the real thing. His arm was resting on the forehead, completely oblivious to our intrusion and the fact that he will be rudely pushed into joining us in this bright cold world next Wednesday.

I find it fascinating, amazing, beautiful and I hope I can start my career sooner rather than later. Going yesterday made me even more excited. Now if I can just find a rich 2nd cousin to fund my certificate

Ugh

2008-02-22T14:05:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is the kick-off to the spring soccer season. I am dreading it more than usual this time. I have no patience for: the "my SUV is bigger than yours" attitude as they swipe in front of your precious-cargo-carrying vehicle just in time to nick your parking space. The ladies who wear full make-up for an 8AM game. The dads who yell at their kids like they just bobbled the snap in a playoff game. The constant chasing of Sunshine who desperately wants to be on the field with her brother. Providing healthy snacks while trying to be the coolest mom on the team at the request of above mentioned son. My ex-husband refusing to comb son's hair for yet another picture. Having to be in the same place at the same time with said ex....and having to make small talk...with a forced smile. Having to be out of bed before 9 on a Saturday. Smelling like dirty kids for the rest of the day. I could go on....but I won't. You get the picture.

I will say that I do get immense joy in knowing that 2 times a week my son is outside in fresh air and exercising, which is more than double what he gets in our "no child gets left behind, instead they get diabetes" public school system.

Here's your sign...

2008-02-20T20:30:00.003-06:00

My son (darling 8 year old that he is), the 3rd dirtiest person I have ever had the pleasure of living with, walks in after school today and says...

"Mom, this kitchen is disgusting. Look at all stuff on the floor! It is so gross that I couldn't eat my breakfast this morning down here".

Wow. If the kids are noticing, it must be bad. Yuck!

Lent schment

2008-02-19T20:32:00.002-06:00

So...

After 2 weeks....how am I doing?

I've been to 1 of 2 Lent Sunday mornings at church....not bad.
I went to the first Lenten Monday Night Lives and my children were absolutely evil...so I decided to not to go back. (not really my fault I guess)

I went from Ash Wednesday until this past Friday without sweets. YAY me!
On Friday night I started the cramping and the mood swings that signaled the start to the 3rd post-baby cycle. Then...it started. I was achy, whiney, and miserable. I cried to the Duke that I jut needed chocolate and everything would be ok. Apparently I was not so pleasant because he responded that God would probably be less mad at me if I had a piece of chocolate than if I beat my entire family.
So, I had a piece of chocolate. One piece, and it was enough. I was cheerful, yet still whiney and stayed in bed with a heating pad all night.
I have eaten some chocolate everyday since. Almost like I can't make it through a period without it. Is it a miracle drug? What is it with chocolate? Why doe it call to us in times of stress?
I think the cycle is about over, and I am officially back on the Lent wagon.

Let's see how it goes from here.

Valentines Day...the most romantic day of the year

2008-02-15T09:48:00.007-06:00

Yeah right. Not if you have kids. Here is a synopsis of my day of amore.

Let me first set the day up for you. Darling Duke had the day off, with the exception of haircut and 4 student make-up lessons in the evening. We had plans to take the girls to the park and go to lunch together.

6:30 Am- TB wakes up for nursing....but she is WIDE AWAKE.
6:45- Give TB a toy in bed and hope she plays quietly.
7:00- Wake up Drama.
7:15- Realize I forgot to have him make his V-day mailbox
7:20- Furiously start putting together a mailbox complete with stickers and decorations worthy of the best 2nd grade Valentines.
7:45-Finish box...feed DK....
7:55- Run out the door in pjs and house shoes. Walk DK to corner, watch him cross street and wave bye quickly as I realize people are looking at me strangely.
8:15- Re-nurse TB. She falls asleep. Thank God!
10:15- Hear SS stirring. Look at clock....freak out that it is so late.
10:20- Check on TB, she is up and playing in her crib.
10:30- make coffee, feed girls
10:45- SS dumps bowl of syrup on her head.
Give SS a bath.
11:15- Call my dad about looking at the D's brakes. He wants to work on it now...b/c it will be much colder this weekend.
11:20- Realize my sweet baby Sunshine is 18 months old today and get a little teary while combing her hair.
11:45- shower
12:45- Receive disturbing phone call from a fellow 2nd grade mom who says her son learned the "F" word from my son when he heard him "whisper" to a friend. Am shocked that he even knows this word. And....mortified.
1:00- Leave for dad's house. The Duke follows me. Dad says it's brakes. He will rotate tire while we eat.
1:30- Quick extremely unromantic lunch at Quiznos. Hardly got to speak to the Duke as my two little hatchlings were screaming for the food off of my plate.
2:15- Dad not finished with car
2:30- The Duke drops SS and I off at DK's school for his class party.
3:00- Walk home. Finally put SS down for a nap....TB still has not had one. Duke leaves for haircut.
4:00- Duke walks in a new man. Totally cut off his semi-long hair. Wow...he looks hot! Happy V-day!
4:15- But wait....we have to leave to take him to get his car so he can teach.
Wake up SS (she was so not ready)...pack car with kids.
4:30- Decide to just stay at mom and dad's for awhile. TB sleeps for 15 minutes.
6:15- Feed children.
7:00- Go home. Finish homework with Drama. Wrap gifts for Darling Duke.
7:45- Duke gets home. With gifts for kids. And me...YAY! WE all open gifts and have fun family time.
8:15- Until SS gets cranky due to lack of sleep and I start to take her t0 bed.
8:16- But she wants daddy to put her down.
8:40- Duke leaves to pick up Chinese/Sushi order from new restaurant close by.
8:45- Realize Drama never ate. He was at his cousin's house. Make fast micro pizza. (I'm such a good mom...no?)
9:00- Send DK to bed. SS wont fall asleep. Neither will TB.
Duke brings food home.....and pours glasses of wine. We try to eat together.
But SS is STILL crying. I eat my appetizers while I wait for him to rock her to sleep..
They aren't very good.
9:10- Duke comes down. SS still crying. We are starving. We eat with SS crying through the monitor and TB pulling at our pantlegs under the table. THe food is awful. The sushi, the worst I have had. Thank goodness for wine.
9:30- SS stops crying. Duke rocks TB to sleep. I go take a bath.... and shave....Weeeeeeeee!
10:15- I pick up my first copy of Southern Living (not really my style but a gift from MIL for my Bday.....obviously trying to tell me something). TB is now asleep. I tell the Duke he has 15 min to come upstairs or I am going to sleep.
10:30- Duke promptly gets upstairs after putting down baby, feeding dogs and turning off lights downstairs.
10:35- Start smooching.....but the lights are on....and I am self conscious about my newly deflated balloon boobs (depsite the fact that I am still nursing).
10:36-Turn off lights, crack blinds to let in beautiful moonlight. Much better.
10:37- Start smooching.
10:38- SS starts making noises in the monitor. Duke says to turn it off....start smooching. I say it's hard to get in the mood with a baby monitor blaring in your ear. EWE! I said blaring. We both get image of friend named Blair and quickly stop.
10:40- regain composure.
10:41- Smooching and running my fingers through new hair I mention how much I love it that I can see his handsome face again. The Duke says "Ok (insert Duke's mother's name)".
AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!
We both get the heebeejeebies, get out of bed and shake in disgust.
10:42- me- "Did you just call me your mom?.....while making out with me?"
D- "Um, let's not talk about this ever again"
Me- "Should we even try to resume this?"
D- "Well it is V-day"
10:50-Finally get past all akwardness. I tell Duke he has 10 mins and I am going to sleep.
11:22-Ok, so I'm not a clock watcher....
11:23- D-"That was the wierdest experience"
Me- "yes, but nice"
D- "Well of course it was."
Me- "Happy Vday. I love you"
D- "I love you too."

So, how was your V-day? Did he sweep you off your feet? I must live vicariously through my randy friends....

Book Meme

2008-02-13T09:15:00.002-06:00

I've been tagged by Mrs. Swizzle for a book meme.

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!)

Um, ok. I am at my home desk, which is covered in books. The top one on the stack (Instant Reflexology) only has 63 pages. The next one down...yes, it has more than 123.

"The Life and Times of Elizabeth I" by Neville Williams

Find Page 123 and Find the first 5 sentences.

Post the next 3 sentences.
Simier proved 'a most choice courtier, exquisitely skilled in love toys, pleasant conceits and court dalliance'. Such gallantry made Elizabeth feel a different woman, even if he were a proxy suitor, and she nicknamed him her 'Monkey'. She revelled in his attentions, and took a girlish delight in the escapade of his raid on her bedchamber to steal a nightcap that he could forward to Alencon as a love token.

Wow, I need to read that book! Queens get to have all the fun.

Tag 5 people.

I tag Dana, Dawn and Tara.

Godsend

2008-02-09T08:46:00.000-06:00

Last Sunday after church the Duke told me about a discussion he had with one of his choir members, JM. JM came to him with teary eyes saying she felt it in her heart that God was calling her to reach out and help our family. She is off work every other Friday and asked if she could come over and sit with the children while I get some things done.

I have met JM before, but I wouldn't say I know her at all. I have had many offers by friends, church folk, and neighbors to come help before. Sit with the kids, take one or the other kid, do laundry, help with chores, etc. But I have never had the ability to say yes, and recognize that I do need help. Here in the midst of Lent I was thinking "Who am I to not let someone follow through on a call they believe is from God?" and with the help of our trusty friend, self-examination, I have accepted the fact that I can not do this on my own to my satisfaction and still have time to enjoy my children's youth.

I realized a few nights ago that I don't play with my children often enough. We have moments here and there. But most of the time I am trying to pacify and occupy them long enough to get something done around the house, to go workout, go to the store, fix dinner, etc. I definitely don't want to miss out ont hese great years, so I am going to have to suck it up and accept help when it is offered.

Accepting JM's offer was exceedingly difficult. She came over around 10 (I was still in my pjs which wa very uncomfortable for me). JM raised 4 children, so she understands being in your jammies all day. She walked in, sat down with the girls and immediately started breaking the ice wth our shy Sunshine. I knew she's be a hit with Tinkerbel, and she was. SS didn't take her eyes off me the whole time I stayed downstairs.

I hung around for awhile letting the babies warm up to her. I made myself some coffee, breakfast, and sat down and ate it while it was warm. Yum. I've missed that. During this time she had rocked TB to sleep, laid her down in her crib and was building blocks with SS. She seemed ok, so I went upstairs and washed my hair, shaved my legs, dried and curled my hair, put on make-up and got dressed. All without children running around the bathroom pulling things off the vantity. It was so wonderful.

After my shower I put SS down for her nap and JM folded a load of laundry. Then TB woke up and JM told me to just get out of the house, take a drive, do whatever. I only had an hour since she had to leave at 2:30. So I got in the car and did various errands. I ot to roll the windows down since there were no babies in the back and it was a glorious day.

It wasn't too bad. I still felt akward accepting help. She asked several times if she could clean a bathroom or two and just couldn't ask her to do such a thing. Not right now. Maybe I'll get there....someday. Baby steps.
In the mean time, God Bless JM!

The glory of these forty days

2008-02-07T11:24:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of Lent. We began a journey to Easter that begins with the imposition of ashes on our foreheads, and ends with the glorious celebration of Christ's resurrection.

Why is this important to my blog?

Lent is a time of penitence, an introspective period during which we take stock of our lives and our relationships to discover and change what we must to prepare for Easter. During these 40 days we each follow the example of Jesus by sacrificing our own will to the purpose of God.

We strive to give up extravagance, self-indulgence, and chip away all the excess stuff and just focus on our relationship with God. This includes fasting, meditation, self examination and alms giving.

The word “Lent” comes from the Anglo-Saxon word lencten, or spring, the time of year when the days begin to lengthen. Lent itself is always the same period of time, but its starting date is tied to the movable feast of Easter and can be as early as February 4 or as late as March 10.

Again....why is this important to me and my family?

Well, we (mostly I) have made some commitments for these next 40 days. Some are going to be hard, and some extremely hard.

I plan to....

-Give up sweets. My biggest self-indulgent, non-necessary behavior.
-Attend Sunday Mass (barring family illness, or my own, or just not being able to stand after a night of no sleep which to me is the same as being "sick")
-Attend the Monday Night Live Lenten program at the church (will be tough taking 3 kids by myself...but good spiritual food and fellowship)
-Walk the Stations of the Cross at least once
-Examine my behavior and life as a whole and meditate on how I can improve me for God and my family.

So...pray for me. I am actually looking forward to clarity! Right now I only see fog.

Compline

2008-02-03T13:37:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite things about being an Episcopalian is all the tradition and beautiful liturgies. Sometimes it's almost like going to a magical performance. Not to detract from the reverance of it all, but you would have to see what I am talking about to fully understand where I am coming from.

Compline is basically evening prayer. It is the last Office of the day....sort of a way to wind down before sleep. It is completely sung, many times by candlelight only. Last night we started a journey toward a monthly Compline service at our church. The Duke has agreed to lead the music and choose singers to complete the choir. We are both really excited about it. For me, mostly because we finally get to make beautiful music together and because I feel very strongly about offering this type of service to our community.

The music is not for everyone. Most of the repertoire comes out of Tudor England in the 16th century. William Byrd, T. Tallis and John Sheppard are among the composers you will hear at Compline. There are also a few readings (chanted not read) and prayers (again, sung) that complete the entire service which lasts about 30 minutes. It is ethereal, soulful, and incredibly beautiful.

The Duke still has a few things to tweak: dates to pick out on the church calendar, singers to find, details to nail down. We hope this will be a prayerful and spiritual experience for those who attend. It's a time you can come into church an just be in God's presence with no need to sit, stand, kneel, read or participate in any way. You can just be. I think we could all use more one on one time with God.

Last night's Compline was a great start. The Duke hoped the choir had been a little more involved with the music and less buried in their books...but it was a great start to something that will hopefully grow in the hearts of all people in our area regardless of religious affiliation (Compline is non-denominational). I look forward to working with my dear Duke. He has such an amazing talent for music, and we both share a great passion for Early Music in general. Plus it feels kind of dirty, in a good way, to be "sleeping with the director". LOL!

Ah the many perks of being a mom!

2008-01-31T23:10:00.000-06:00

Vomit.

I can't stand vomit. I think it has to be the worst part of being a mom. I would rather clean a thousand toilets than clean up one pile of puke. It's warm and squishy and stinky....ok, now I am gonna hurl.

Today when I walked in to get Sunshine out of bed, I realized she had thrown up all over. Some was dry, like it happened much earlier in the night. Some was fresh.....UGH. But it was all over. At least she had the sense to not sleep IN the mess. Her hair was clean.

All I could think while cleaning up the mess and trying not to create even more of a mess was poor girl. WHy didn't she cry? She needed mommy. She hardly made a peep last night. This was the first time she has ever thrown up besides the normal hurling of newborns. Surely she was scared by the whole process. Right?

She seems ok now, aside from little to no appetite today.

Yep. I hate barf. It's pretty darn disgusting. And it leaves dodgy stains on your laundry. Ewwww.

My Many Names

2008-01-30T10:48:00.000-06:00

I have to admit that I stole this from MB over at Terrapin Station:

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Muffin Tahoe
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Peppermint Stiletto
3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Pink Horse
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Elizabeth Bakersfield
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name): Bensa
6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Diet Soda
7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Wilton Frank
8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy):
Angel Bordeaux
9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your fifth grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Kavern Kingston
10. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Autumn Rose
11. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Peach Panties
12. HIPPIE NAME (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Luna Maple

Happy Bday to me...

2008-01-29T17:28:00.000-06:00

Ugh! Today I am 32. I am 32 today. Sheesh. Where has the time gone?

It seems like yesterday I was a bouncing 20-something with boobs and butt up to here.
Now I'm not. And no they are not either.

So I woke up today to get Drama off on a field trip for school. Being as that we live in Suburban Cowtown, they went to the Annual Stock show and Rodeo. D asked why I wasn't tagging along like I normally do for school trips. How do you explain that you don't want to spend the better part of your birthday smelling cow poop to an 8 year old? So I made some lousy excuse about the babies being out in the cold. How was I supposed to know it was going to be 70 degrees today? It sleeted on us just a few days ago.

After feeding the girls breakfast, and myself a MASSIVE cup of coffee I was off to the hair salon to get beautiful. Well that was the plan. Unfortunately, it was so windy that something blew over and knocked the power out at the salon somewhere in the middle of my "processing" time. So I left with sopping wet hair. I HATE that feeling. And, I don't have that "I just left the salon" look. Grrrrr.

At least the Duke helped out with the self esteem issue. He bought me an awesome outfit! It was very well put together and something I would totally wear: a khaki jacket, red blouse with lace detail and chocolate brown slacks in (are you ready for this???) a size 6!!! Very optimistic my dear Duke. Maybe next year at this time I will be back there.

Now if I could just get those kids in bed so I could soak in a warm tub of bath time bliss. Ahhhh...that would be a nice way to end my day.

My friends rock!!!

2008-01-27T20:38:00.000-06:00

Speaking of Bdays...

Last night we went out for my 30t, 31st and 32nd Bdays. I couldn't celebrate the last few in style since I was preggo and quite ill the last couple of years. My real B-day isn't until Tuesday, but hey...who is gonna go out on a Tuesday??

So, for my Bday I told my husband that I wanted all of my friends in one place all at the same time to have a good time. Not possible since many are out of town, but the ones who were in town (for the most part) showed up and gave me the best Bday I have ever had!!!!

It was amazing! Everyone looked so beautiful and radiant. There were 20 people sitting around the table with me....and they were all there to celebrate with me. What more could you ask for?

I didn't want gifts or cards or anything (note to the Duke: please write that on future Evites)....but people still amazed me with their generosity and kind hearts. I received some amazing gifts cards for food, music, clothes, make-up....the list goes on. I also got a beautiful frame arrangement, the perfect place for cherished photos of my babes, and some bath stuff that smells really yummy . Hmmmmm, either I stink, or the person who gave me that reads my blog and knows I get to take baths now.... ;) ].

At one point I just sat at the table and watched everyone talking to each other and thought...how lucky am I??? I have the three most beautiful children in the world, the sexiest and sweetest Duke, and wonderful family and friends. Life could not be any better!

I will admit I was a little embarrassed when I saw the flame of fire coming out of the back with what looked like a cake under it. Am I THAT old? The last time I had candles my mom went easy on me and did the numbers. I'm surprised Smokey didn't show up saying "Only Dutch can prevent forest fires".

Germ warfare

2008-01-24T10:33:00.000-06:00

Sorry no post in awhile folks. My house is under siege!

Tinkerbel has been sick with some green nose thing since December 1st. I don't know why she isn't getting better. She is on an antibiotic and yet nothing has changed. I am starting to wonder if maybe she has allergies.

Sunshine has a gross nose too, but it hasn't been as long. Too bad she still has to sleep with her paci. Kind of hard with the green goo. She has started night waking again because of it. Lord I hope this one gets better faster than TB!!!

Drama gave us quite a scare this weekend. We took him to the Dr last Thursday for an "asthma re-evaluation". He was coughing and wheezing, but nothing too serious. Friday his temp went up to 103. We thought, oh he has the flu and treated the fever and body aches with Tylenol.
Being that Drama is....well...drama, we chalked up the "chest pains" to his normal over the top remarks.

On Sunday I could tell that he was getting sicker. He just didn't seem to be feeling better. We started having to do several breathing treatments every hour just to keep him from coughing. So Monday morning I called the Dr. and we went in again. She said his lungs sounded ok, but since he looked so sick she ordered a few tests. They took a chest X-ray and tested for the flu. Flu test was negative. Chest Xray showed pneumonia in his left lobe.

Need I say this week has been busy? D couldn't sleep without barking all night until just last night. The baby for some reason was waking every hour to nurse (growth spurt???), and SS was also night waking.

I feel like a freaking zombie. Plus the post partum hormone shift has happened an my hair has been falling out in gobs, and is getting oily everyday. I used to be able to go 3 days without washing and just using a freshening hair powder at the roots. Now I have enough oil to make McD's french fries after 12 hours. Come on! I need the 3 days right now more than ever.

To make matters worse, my B-day is looming in the very near future. I am not happy about it. To me I look old...and tired. Tired and old. Smile lines and age spots are peaking through what used to be radiant pore-perfect skin during pregnancy. Bags under my eyes show the months with no sleep and my body just isn't responding to workouts the way I had hoped. The Duke has been awfully sweet and either pretending he doesn't notice, or really not noticing and even calling me "beautiful" at times. It really helps a poor Dutch who is exhausted beyond belief.
God gave me a good man. He can drive me absolutely crazy at times, but he always makes me feel like a million bucks!

Taking back our room

2008-01-18T11:01:00.000-06:00

So, as I mentioned in an earlier post from this year, we have been doing some reorganizing and moving around of things. One of the things we did was to move Tinkerbell's crib into the office. We made it really pretty with these soft curtains that filtered the window light, but Sunshine has since pulled them down, ruining the curtain rod. TB will stay here in the office until she can get down to one night time feeding, then we will move her into the room with her sister. (Then no one will ever sleep...right???)

There are things I couldn't do when TB was sleeping there. We don't have a door on our master bath. So, after she went to sleep, taking a hot bath was out of the question. Ah... soaking in our giant tub (now that I am FINALLY not pregnant and can sit in steamy waters) is amazing therapy for an over-tired, stressed mom. It melts my cares away and I drift off into a happy slumber...for 3 hours anyway.

I also love watching Lifetime TV before bed (Mon-Thurs anyway). I hadn't been able to in ages since it would keep TB awake. Usually I will watch "Will and Grace" at 10, then the Duke would come up and watch "Frasier" with me at 11. This puts me asleep around 12:30 which is WAY too late now. But since I have missed it for so long I have made myself stay awake the last week or so just for old times sake (something that will be remedied this week).

After having the babe in our room for 6 months, we forgot what it was like to be a married couple. We would have to sneak around and be very very quiet, so as not to disturb anyone, for any chance at intimacy. It's not like you can run downstairs and have a romp on the couch when there's an 8 year old wandering to and from the bathroom in the middle of the night. That lock on the door is there for a reason.

Ok, we still have a long road to getting back what we had pre-baby. Those carefree newlywed days where you could do whatever you wanted...whenever and wherever. But last week the Duke did take them time to light the candelabras that flank the sides of our bed (I think it may have been the 2nd time they were ever lit). It was probably more to keep me from watching the lights on the two separate (but equal) monitors that reside on each nightstand and not him trying to be romantic. I swear if we so much as kiss, one of those monitors is bound to start lighting up within 30 seconds.

At least it's a step in the right direction. Privacy and space are things I never knew I wanted or needed. How wonderful to be rediscovering MY (well our) room!!!

Step 2 (of out with the old)

2008-01-16T13:19:00.000-06:00

Well, I DID IT!

Yesterday I sold all but 5 pieces of my maternity clothes. They are gone, forever. It feels wierd. I am happy to be done, but sometimes I see newborn babies and wonder if I will change my mind 5 years from now.

The rest of the baby stuff is also being worked on. I have a few items to give back to a friend who let us borrow them, and a few more things that we'll either pass on down to new families, or garage sale them.

*sigh*

Such bittersweet days....

Out with the old...

2008-01-04T12:41:00.000-06:00

In with the new???

Actually I would prefer to not have anymore "new" thank you. We are at max capacity here at the Casa de Insanity. I have been going from room to room the past week cleaning out clothes and toys that have been outgrown in an attempt to find space for our children's fantastic Christmas booty. No, not the kind of booty you get from eating too many Xmas cookies, the loot, treasure, gifts, etc etc.

It really was insane this year. My family asked well in advance of Christmas what everyone needs. I said that ALL they needed was clothes and socks and TB needs jammies. Besides my SIL who bought the girls clothes, a friend who gave both girls pjs, TBs god mommy who bought her a gorgeous dress, and my mom who bought several pairs of socks....they all got TOYS. Heaps and heaps of toys and other junk from the obvious, to the random, obscure, and just ridiculous. While we are very thankful for these gifts bestowed on our precious offspring, we find ourselves cursing every time we trip over a toy in the middle of the night and it lights up and starts singing. EVERY SINGLE TOY FROM MIL MAKES NOISE. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom was a little kinder offering silent gifts.....well, unless you count Drama's MP3 player. Oh yeah....did I tell you about that? The Duke and don't even have one and our son is jamming around the city bopping to his favorite downloads. Does an 8 year old even need an MP3 player?

She bought the girls dolls, and matching rocking chairs. They are actually quite adorable. And the dolls are the blonde Bitty twins from the American Girl line (more on this subject later.)

Drama also got a casio keyboard from the Duke's grandma. Cool I thought....until I realized it was a circa 1979 mini synth with a missing battery compartment door. "Mom, why do the batteries keep falling out?" he keeps asking me. I just tell him b/c he is "rockin'" He's really into that sort of stuff right now. She also gave Sunshine our (1 year old) a make-up bag with a breakable mirror and about 10 fun size Nestle Crunch bars. Um....did I mention she is 1???

The Duke and I did our celebrating after the holidays. There was to much going on and we ran out of time on Christmas Eve. So, we ad Christmas the Thursday after. It was nice. I finally got that Amazing Grace perfume I have wanted FOREVER (thank you Sephora for opening in JCP). It is the only place I know you can get it. He also bought me a cashmere sweater and 2 medieval CDs that are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All luxuries that I didn't need, but happily received.

The biggest present of them all was the HDTV my folks gave us. Talk about indulgence. I don't know how we could ever watch regular TV again. We didn't even really want one, but dad decided we needed one, and it had to be now.

All in all, we are grateful that we were given anything this year. I honestly don't care about getting suff during Christmas, but more about the season's meaning and being with friends and family. That is what makes me happy. And as far as that goes, this CM kind of stunk for me. With my parents leaving my church, and hubby having his own church service to do music for, it was either go with my folks, or go alone. I missed CM Eve at my dear church. It was hard. I love my church's CME, and being without it made me feel sad and lonely. As the Duke squeezed in just before Communion at my parent's new worship place he mentioned how happy they looked to have their grand babies there. That made me evening worth it. Even though I didn't get my candlelight "Silent Night"...I was giving something even better than the gifts under our tree.

We are so thankful for the "gifts" we were given in 2007 and look forward to a new year of God's blessings.

You know you're a child of the 80's when...

2007-12-19T23:37:00.000-06:00

This evening we were trying out our new home sound system (with new HDTV!!!!....SWEET!). Our cable provider has a plethora of music channels including 2 of the 1980's genre. We tuned in and watched as Drama writhed as if in pain and plugged his ears. This is TERRIBLE mom! he screamed. Sheena E's "Strut" came on and Sunshine and I started dancing. (She doesn't care yet that the music is not of her time) . I looked at the screen and it said it was released in 1984.
I said "Hey (Drama), this song came out when I was 8....just like you".

He muttered in disgust and wandered upstairs. The next time he came down the Duke and I were in the 40th refrain of "We are the world....we are the children". Now instead of our lighters we can sway with our cell phones like the cool generation. We got annoyed after the 60th or so refrain and changed it quickly to classical like most 30-something repectable adults do.

It was nostalgic while it lasted and made me want to take that walk down memory lane. I know you want to come too...so read up. If you really are a child of the 80s....this will never get old.
I have to admit that I recieved this via e-mail forward, but I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard that I had to share it here as well. All but about two of these were true of me.

You know you grew up in the 80’s if….
1. you’ve ever ended a sentance with the word “sike”
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock”
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. On Friday nights you stayed in to watch Full House, Step by Step, and Family Matters
8. You played MASH (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
9. You wore a lot of plastic jewlery
10. You knew the profound meaning of “wax on, wax off”
11.You wanted to be a goonie
12. You ever wore florescent clothing (some of us head to toe)
13. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
14. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
15. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
16. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
17. You still get the urge to say “NOT” after every sentence.
18. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
19. You ever owned a pair of jelly shoes
20. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”
21. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
22. YOu remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
23. You have ever played with a skip it
24. You remember boom boxes
25. You remember watching both gremlins movies
26. You thought that Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot
27. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
28. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”
29. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell” The ORIGINAL class.
30. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
31. You just sang those words to yourself
32. You still sing “we are the world”
33. You tight rolled your jeans
34. You owned a banana clip
35. You remember “Where’s the Beef?”
36. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”
37. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

...still LMAO!!!!

True love is....

2007-12-11T14:22:00.001-06:00

When you are nursing your poor poor sick baby girl and you don't freak out and unlatch her when you realize there is a HUGE glob of green snot connecting her nose to your boob.

Tuesday's triumph!

2007-12-11T14:18:00.000-06:00

Another gray rainy day today, but I had a fantastic moment.

I slinkied myself into a pair of pre-Sunshine jeans! Size 8....Hallelujah! They don't look the same. My thighs look bigger and the booty saggier...but they are on...and buttoned...and it feels wonderful.

Yay me!

Gray day, ugly day

2007-12-10T13:23:00.000-06:00

This morning as I was walking out the door on a cold regular dreary December day, I received word from a friend that our dear friend, J, has passed away. We knew it was coming since Friday, but that never softened the blow of actually hearing those words. The beaming face, the posh British accent and the bear hugs that many times made my Sunday mornings will be no longer.

J and I had been planning the wedding of Drama and her grand daughter since they were in preschool together. We always talked about the beautiful children they would have. The kids both just looked at us and rolled their eyes as we snickered behind their backs every time they were in the same room.

She had a very unique and special place in mine and the Duke's hearts. She was there the day we met. She was my biggest cheerleader in getting up the nerve to talk to him. She went on and on about how gorgeous he was and that I was the only single person who could do anything about it. J gave him a pink slip of paper to write down my phone number one Sunday. She honestly believed that she was the matchmaker of the century when we told her of our impending wedding...and we were happy to let her take the credit. She gushed over our baby Sunshine. Her cheeks, her blue eyes, her curly hair. Her husband W, told th Duke he believed her to be the most beautiful little girl he has ever seen in the most genuine way you can imagine. 2 years after her famous matchmaking, she knitted the most beautiful pink baby blanket for SS with little hearts all over it in remembrance of the pink sticky note.

I ran into her a few days before I delivered Tinkerbel. I was going in for pre-op paperwork and she was just sitting in the waiting room to be admitted for a biopsy. They thought it was leukemia. I sat there an hugged her, we talked about baby names (her daughter was also pregnant with a girl). She really wanted us to name our baby Claire (it was so British) and promised to come up to see us right after the baby was born. Unfortunately after TB was born, she was rushed to the NICU, and by the time she was out J was too weak and sick to come upstairs. I did hold her up outside her hospital room a week later. I could tell it made her week to see another one of our babies. But other than that... she never saw our littlest angel...nor held her.

I can't really find anymore words. I can't imagine church or choir without her. We offer our prayers and love to all her family and friends as we celebrate the life of a truly amazing woman....our matchmaker.

May God grant her eternal peace.

Deadly G-string surfaces again in Texas suburb

2007-12-06T14:04:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you all remember my daughter's first incident with the above named suspect. Well, this time it was more funny than frightening AND captured on video for your viewing pleasure.

Friends and mommy time

2007-12-04T09:01:00.000-06:00

I called for a much needed, and very timely, Girls night out last week. I called my friend Mrs Swizzle since she said she needed one, but didn't want to plan one. We had another friend join in as well and we were off to BJ's Brewery for some drinks and dessert...or so we thought. Being the women that we are, we didn't take into account that the Cowboys were playing a huge game and people would flock to any restaurant with a tv. The wait for a table was over an hour. We eventually ended up at Macaroni Grill. It was the right call. The place was empty and the Peach Bellini's were fabulous.

After chatting with the girls, it became clear to me that the funky mood I have had is contagious. All three of us have children. All three of us have one child in grade school and a 1 year old at home. The only difference is that I am insane enough to have two in diapers at home.So our dear friend D asked how we have alone time with our hubbies. What? What's that? I'm not sure I understand the question.
You see, with two babies at home (and a big kid too) the Duke and I are always playing what we call "damage control". "Hold her so I can....." and "Ok they are both asleep I am going to run to the store and...", "You put SS to bed and I will nurse TB" "Can you help Drama with his homework while I get the girls ready for bed?". I'm sure you can see the pattern here.

I miss our coffee in the mornings from before we had the babies. I would take D to school, come back, brew a pot of joe an we would sip and chat for about 30 minutes before the Duke went to teach classes. It wasn't much, but it was a special and cherished time of day. Drama went to bed around 8 back then, so we had from 8-10 or 11 to chat at night, cuddle, watch movies...or whatever we wanted. Now we are lucky to get a few minutes alone. Tinkerbel has been pushing her bed time later and later. It doesn't leave much time for anything since I collapse somewhere in the vicinity of 10. We don't feel comfortable hiring a babysitter while TB is in this screaming phase. Couple that with the fact that she won't take a bottle and we are pretty much stuck for now.

I didn't really start this post to complain. Our children have touched our lives in ways I never thought possible. I never wanted children for myself. I wanted a career in the medical or research field (still do!). I knew my brother was sent to Earth to populate it. He was great with children while I have always been mediocre at best. But God sent me three angels and I love them more than they will ever know. They bring me the kind of joy that warms you from the inside and makes your heart feel as if it could burst. He knew what he was doing, and hopefully will keep blessing me with the tools and the grace to raise them the right way.

Where I was going with the post was that it was nice to hear that I'm not the only one feeling a disconnect with my beloved spouse. I had a brainstorm to make time for the Duke a few weeks ago and things were great, but then I got tired again and stopped trying. I have felt so alone in the world of breastmilk stains, spit-up and diapers. But my friends showed me that I am normal. Or at least as normal as I can be...and that it is ok not to be perfect.

I missed most of my MOPS meetings this fall because of no sleep and a few baby colds, but I did make it to a very powerful talk called "the Power of a Positive Friend". Our need for companionship as women is so important for support, validation, trust and comfort. People that are like us that can hold us up and cry with us or for us. We love our men (mine is my best friend) but they can't possibly understand us. I am lucky to have many friends whom I love and cherish. Each of them bring something to my life that is so important to me. Music (friends I sing with), God's love and wisdom (friends from church and other Christian friends), sanity and knowledge (other friends with children), comfort (the friends who have known me the longest and love me despite my many failings)...and there are so many more.

Go ahead and tell your girlfriends today how much they mean to you and how much you love them. You may just make some one's day.

Holiday weekend recap

2007-11-28T17:08:00.000-06:00

Long time no blog eh? Well, I can honestly say things have been crazy at Casa del Five. I feel like I am drowning in an endless sea of laundry and diapers. Now that Tinkerbell is on some baby food I have even less time for myself. I really thought that less nursing time would mean more time for me...it just mans more time feeding her as we learn a new routine.

Anyway....back to T-day. My grandma flew in from Cali for the holiday this year. It's always nice to see family and friends here in the Lone Star State, an especially around Thanksgiving. We went shopping on Wednesday. I had not been to a mall in ages. I bought a new nursing bra, spent about 20 minutes trying to nurse TB in the Motherhood dressing room, ate my "I'm trying to eat healthy" lunch full of veggies and lean beef while my family looked irritated having to wait for me after scarfing down their burgers quickly, and that was it. I didn't get to try on jeans or buy new panties like I really wanted to do. I kept saying "I need to go to Victoria's" and my family grumbled every time. Hey....come on. I really enjoy walking in there and saying "I would like this in a 34 D please" after all those years of sheepishly looking for training bras in the small boobies drawer. And besides...how am I going to keep those home fires burning wearing last year's Motherhood maternity thongs. Somethings gotta give. Shopping was a bust!

That night I started cooking some side items for the next day's feast. My contributions this year were gingersnap streusel sweet potatoes and a Reeses peanut butter cup cheesecake. I have never cooked anything for a holiday before. Unfortunately, I got a 2nd degree burn putting the cheesecake in the oven. I wasn't wearing a mit and my hand hit the heating element. You may be saying "ouch" about now, but I honestly didn't feel a thing for about 10 minutes. Now it looks pretty raunchy. It was a lot of work for only 2 things. I guess that's how gourmet goes. Here is a pic of the cheesecake. Yes, that really is my cheesecake and not something from the net. It was delicious, but the potatoes were my favorite!

Thursday was great. Unbelievable food, and great company. Pair all that with a cozy fire to sit by and champagne, and that is a great holiday.

With threatening weather looming late Thursday night, we decided to postpone our trip to see the Duke's family until Christmas. I was relieved. The thought of taking the two girls up there for less than 24 hours was awful. I had been dreading it since July when Tinkerbell was born. Then we woke up to sunny skies, above freezing temps and clear radar Friday morning....GRRRRR. This was all happening at 9 AM, but my darling husband didn't decide it was ok to go until around 11. So at 11 we showered, packed, loaded up the car, dropped off the pooches and doggy Disneyland (aka Nana and Papa's), ate some mean leftover sweet potatoes and around 1:30 headed up north to where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. The girls slept most of the way...what a relief!

Thanksgiving at my in-laws is just weird. The food is weird, and the people are not at all like my people. My people are loud, obnoxious, and will tell you if you have something in your teeth....to your face. Oh and you can drink around them. That helps. The other side is much different. I wouldn't say they are entirely all that quiet, but it is much quieter than in my home. They have strange senses of humor that I don't understand, nor find funny. One year while watching our wedding video my FIL said "Here's the part where the priest gets to get drunk" at the end of Communion. I about came unglued. How can you make fun of a tradition you don't understand??? The Duke's grandmother asked everyone to say something they are thankful for and the only one to mention anything was him. Isn't that was T-day is about? What message are we sending our children if we roll our eyes at the very heart and soul of the holiday. Oh wait, football was on and somehow THAT makes it ok. And did I mention the food is weird? They served T-day turkey....COLD! EWE!

The girls slept like garbage that night, as did I and we came home happily the next day...getting snowed on through Wichita Falls. I got home in time to rest up for the next day. After many years, I finally sang at church so my grandmother could hear me. She had never heard me before and she was actually impressed! She loved it so much and that made me so happy!

All in all the weekend wasn't so bad I guess, and I hate to complain but I'm just tired of traveling around the holidays. We ALWAYS do the traveling. They never come out here and honestly....I'm tired of it. I want a holiday in my jammies, and I think that after all I have done in the past two years....maybe somehow I deserve it???

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm a princess mom!

2007-11-28T14:22:00.001-06:00

After a really stressful day with the girls, I was sitting on the living room floor just griping to the dear Duke about how I never get anything done, and how I feel so worn out all the time, my house is a mess, etc etc. I happened to glance up on the kitchen table and saw this:

You can't really tell by looking, but they are Disney Princess shoes in Sunshine's size....a 5. They were actually the smallest size they make and she picked them out on her own. She ran right up to them and grabbed them, so naturally Nana just HAD to buy them for her. If the shoe fits....

She was so exited to show her daddy the shoes when he got home that she took the box to him and made him put the shoes on her feet, and tie them.

On this particularly stressful day, all I could do when I saw these shoes sitting on the table (after she had gone to bed) was just smile. Then I started belly laughing. The Duke, curious as to what he was missing asked why I was laughing. I just said..."I have little princess...and it's so wonderful!" He started smiling as well. Then we both laughed at the pink princess shoes, both knowing that we have many years of pink princess shoes left to go...and it's a great feeling!

Did you know???

2007-11-14T09:01:00.000-06:00

Facts about sleep deprivation from the National Sleep Research Project in Australia

After five nights of partial sleep deprivation, three drinks will have the same effect on your body as six would when you've slept enough.
Feeling tired can feel normal after a short time. Those deliberately deprived of sleep for research initially noticed greatly the effects on their alertness, mood and physical performance, but the awareness dropped off after the first few days.
Exposure to noise at night can suppress immune function even if the sleeper doesn’t wake. Unfamiliar noise, and noise during the first and last two hours of sleep, has the greatest disruptive effect on the sleep cycle.
The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses.
A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours lost sleep for parents in the first year
One of the best predictors of insomnia later in life is the development of bad habits from having sleep disturbed by young children.
Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.
The NRMA estimates fatigue is involved in one in 6 fatal road accidents.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving

2007-11-07T16:11:00.001-06:00

Your Pilgrim Name Is

Damaris Abbott

What's" Your Pilgrim Name?

My kitchen window...and yours???

2007-11-07T15:25:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged by MB over at Terrapin Station!!!

What does my kitchen window look like?
So, since she asked nicely....and because I know you all want to see my dirty windows....

Here it is:

When it comes to decorating, I am going through a "less is more" phase. Maybe because less clutter means less stress.

Anyway in my window is:

1. 1 surprisingly hearty plant left over from the birth of our first daughter, Sunshine (notice the "it's a girl" thingies still in place). I am plagued by an black thumb. Every plant or flower I have ever owned has died a tragic death, including former window resident, Nigel...RIP. But not this plant. The sweet church lady who gave it to us told me to water when it looks droopy and that's all the maintenance it will ever need. So, lone droopy plant is still around. I'm not proud, just surprised.

2. Sun catcher. MIL gave this to me. I have no real attachment other than the fact that the sun comes in that window for a brief moment in the morning and it looks pretty and we have no other place to put it where the children won't hurt it.

3. Paper towels:. A must have for any house with children. 3 children = 30 times the mess!

4. Dial antibacterial soap. 3 children....need I explain?

5. Drama's chameleon. The Duke found this outside last week and captured it for the DK. He loves all things creepy and crawly right now. In fact, at one point last week most of my Tupperware was tied up housing spiders or "spider food". Now that he has this guy, he has let all of the other creatures go. He doesn't normally reside here, but thought he would like some bright light today. He lives in Drama's room...which like any other 8 year old boy's room is dark and dingy. I fear for my life in there.

6. Citrus Magic air freshener. Mom picked this up for me after my complaining that the cats leave horrific smells in the litter box, but it seems that spraying a bunch of air freshener around babies just isn't safe. Let me add that there in no magic in this stuff. Cat poop + citrus magic just smells citrus cat poop. Gross!

7. Random soothie paci...freshly sterilized. I sterilized a bunch of Sunshine's pacis. She doesn't take this kind, but I am hoping that one day Tinkerbell will take ANY paci, so I keep a few extras of different types around. The Duke says I should give up on that battle and just make a boob impression for her. Hmmmmm. Do they do that?

I tag the newly pregnant Dana (congrats!!!) , Lt. Dawn (who actually goes longer than me without updating her blog) , and best friend from high school and new mommy blogger, Tara.

How many music dorks does it take to find a swing song?

2007-10-18T13:36:00.000-05:00

After my pity party post last week, I realized I was headed in a direction I did not like at all. So, I went up to the Duke that evening and said "Hey, I'm not happy....and here is why....I feel hurt because you....and p.s. I DESPERATELY need you for me to get through this". We talked it all though and. since then, I have made my husband a priority instead of penciling him into my life. I have been a different person since. What a change! We both are making the effort to hug, touch, smile, hold each other up in rough times, and share in the glorious circus of raising our girls. I am tired, but I don't care....I am happy. I highly recommend it! Besides, if for no other reason, make-up sex ROCKS! :)

So, last night Tinkerbel would not calm down. She ended up, as she does most nights in the swing. Side note: Parents-to-be....you HAVE to have a swing. It WILL save your life! Maybe not your sanity as notedbelow....but definitely your life!

Ok, back to last night.

TB was in the swing. We had the music and the lights going and she was looking around calmly and enjoying her swing. Being as that we are both musicians (even though I am not a professional), we have a huge problem with the music on pretty much any baby toy. We criticize, cringe, and vow to make baby toys more tolerable....one of these days. (Sigh) Our swing has about an 8-9 song repertoire that randomly shuffles each time the swing is turned on or the music reset button is pushed. It plays about 5 songs for 10 minutes, then shuts off.

So....we are laying there together, talking about our day... listening to this crappy swing music that is keeping our daughter from waking up the rest of the house....

Me: "Honey, remember when Sunshine used this swing?"

Duke: "Yes."

Me: "that one day, you were getting ready for church and made some comment about the awful version of Pachelbel's Canon in D?"

Duke: "Um, vaguely"

Me: "Well, TB has logged many swing miles lately, and I have to say I have not heard the Canon. Are you sure it was the Canon? Cause I have not heard it since. And....in all honesty....I think you were wrong about it being the Canon in the first place. The melody is all wrong."

Duke: "Maybe it was another toy".

Me: "Nope, I'm sure it was the swing"

Duke: "Hmmmm. Well I remember that it doesn't play it that often"

Meanwhile the swing is playing a John Denveresque tune that we have pretty much memorized.

We start singing together. "Da da da da da da....da....da.....da da do da do."

We look at each other and keep singing along.....

Duke: "Why do we know this? And why are we singing it?

Me: "Oh cool.....here comes that crappy bridge part"

Now we are humming with hand motions. In the middle of said crappy bridge, for some bizarre reason it changes keys and goes back to the Denver melody.

Duke: "Rough transition."

Me: "Yeah they didn't plan that one well.....ouch!"

TB swings on and this repetitive soft drum sequence starts. Bum... bum bum bum....bum bum bum.

Me: "Ah Twinkle twinkle little star"

Duke: "Or is it the litte drummer boy?"

Me: "LOL......(singing) up above the world so high"

Duke: "they ruined it with that stupid drum thing"

Me: "TB seems to like it"

Duke: "Yeah....I need to play her the REAL version"

Me: "Drama has a mean recording of the Swingle Singers doing Twinkle"

Duke: "I said the REAL version....you know Mozart??"

Me: "Well yeah! Duh?"

Song changes again to Brahms lullaby.

We hum the first verse......thn start the 2nd.

Me: "Why'd they rewrite the melody on the second verse? It totally blows.

Duke: "I could write better crappy swing music"

Me: "Yeah you should do that....who writes this garbage anyway?"

TB is now asleep in the swing and the music stops.....the Duke gets out of bed and hits the reset button.

Duke: "Oh I can't stand this song"

Me: "Me neither....I think this is the worst one."

Yet for some reason, w continue to hum along.... in parts.

This goes on for three ten minute cycles. I finally get up and say "I STILL have not heard the Canon"

Duke: "I told you they don't play it often"

So, I stand at the swing and turn the music button on and off so it shuffles the music with each switch flip. After several tries, the Duke says...
"Wait! That's it!"

Me: "No it's not. That doesn't sound like it at all.....but it does sound a lot like John Denver"

The Duke starts humming the Base line of the Canon with the swing music. I can hear it.

Me: "oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh.......woooooooooooow. "

Duke: "See BAD arrangement"

Me: "Yeah, you were right....that is bad. Didn't even recognize it.
It's more like Crappy Canon in F"

Duke: "Or B flat! Sounds like some awful wedding ...or possibly John Denver arrangement"

Me: "Yeah, let's turn this crap off....TB is asleep anyway. Which means I should be too!"

Disclaimer:
This post in no way affects or undermines the gratitude we feel towards the friends who let us borrow crappy music swing.....and other various baby items. They are some of the best friends two music dorks could ever have! We love you Mama King! :)

Eat your peas

2007-10-12T12:50:00.000-05:00

Affirm yourself each day.

I can... I will... I am...

I can find time to shave this week.

I will get my house clean...one of these years.

I am a loving mom. Maybe not such a great one, but definitely loving.

Fab five

2007-10-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

After yesterday's dreary post I find myself in a much more positive mood. So, to cheer things up a bit I've decided in honor of our party of 5 to come up with 5 fabulous reasons to be me today.

1. Tinkerbell let me sleep for a whole 5 1/2 hours last night. I even hit REM for the first time in weeks! It feels wonderful.
2. I had 1 1/2 hours of uninterrupted bliss today when I went and got a haircut.
3. I have officially lost all of my pregnancy weight (33 pounds thank you) from Tinkerbell and only have 7 lingering pounds from Sunshine's.
4. Fall is right around the corner....I can smell it. It is y favorite season, and today is a little taste of the beautiful days ahead.
5. My children. They love me no matter what I look (or smell) like and they make my heart smile.

So, what is fab about being you today?

Godsend

2007-10-08T18:46:00.001-05:00

I have not posted in awhile. Truth is...I have no interest in posting. If you want the really ugly dirty truth, I have no interest in a lot of things anymore.

While I was pregnant with Tinkerbell I asked a fellow mom of three what it was like. She said it's like treading water and barely being able to keep your nose above so you can breathe. Well...I feel like I am about to go under. I am exhausted, I am sick, I am sad, I am overwhelmed. You may ask why I even bothered to title this post "Godsend" after hearing all this negative garbage. I am too.

You see, I am a social creature. I love being around people of all types. I am usually the one who calls my friends to initiate a get-together, to see what's up, or to tell them I just saw something on TV that I thought they would be interested in. I always wondered what would happen if I stopped calling people and taking the first step. In the last few weeks I have been too busy and tired to pick up that phone or write that email. After asking several friends to do many things....I just stopped. No one was interested. People have new babies, hectic jobs, PTA, or whatever that just keeps us all so busy. I needed something to get me out of the house and hear my pain, but there was no one to get out of the house with. No one to talk to. No friend that understood what I was going through. Why? I don't know. I have good friends, great friends. Don't I?

Tinkerbell is sucking the life out of me. I love her more than I could ever tell you. She is incredibly beautiful and even talking about this gives me a great deal of pain. I want to stop nursing. But I can't. She won't take a bottle or a paci and her latch leaves my nipples sore and cracked. Feeding her hurts. The thought of it sometimes makes me cry. I don't sleep much at all anymore. I lay awake wondering what to do about the whole thing. I feel completely tied down. My husband and I have not been on a date since May. Thinking about nursing until her first birthday is depressing me beyond belief. I didn't realize how sad and withdrawn I was until last week.

A friend of mine, D, casually asked me after choir how things were going. I started telling her this and that. How frustrated I was. How no one understood what I was going through. People say she's obviously getting enough to eat because she is so chubby. But it doesn't mean she is doing it correctly, or that it is working. D just hugged me and said she knew what I was feeling. And she did. She went through all the same things with her son. When I saw that she completely knew what I was going through I just started bawling...in front of most of my choir friends. That was really hard. I don't cry much in public. I am pretty detached and unemotional for the most part (or so my husband says). Even hugging someone is hard for me. But there in that moment I became completely vulnerable and just cried. I wasn't alone. Everyone else ran off to go get drinks at that point. When they asked D if she was in she said no, that she wanted to stay and make sure I was ok. Her and another friend T stayed with me for another 30 minutes. She gave me some information and contacts and told me exactly what to do. Then she called 3 times over the weekend to just see how I was doing.

She doesn't know that she saved my sanity, though I have tried to thank her over and over. God tugged at her heart strings at just the right moment and she touched me when I so desperately needed someone. It makes me realize that maybe we don't always know what our "friends" are going through. We suffer behind the closed doors of security, or at least I do because it is safe. The Duke is my best friend, but couldn't possibly help me, or know what I was feeling I am doing as best as I can today despite being sick and having two sick babies. But I am not as depressed, knowing that there is help for what I am going through, and validation that my feelings are normal and I am still a good mom. Thank God for that wonderful lesson in humility. I can't be perfect, and no one expects me to. And when I need a friend...I always have one looking down on me. He will always call me back....even if it isn't quite his voice on the other line.

Apparently, I've been tagged

2007-10-01T10:34:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Swizzle from Brain Swizzle tagged me for the Fab 4 Meme (whatever that is). I'm new to this so please be gentle.

4 Jobs I’ve Held

Hostess with the mostess at Tippin's Pie Pantry (come on down ya'll)
Personal Trainer at 24 Hour Fitness
Sales Support/Account Manager for the Canadian division of a German Telecom parts manufacturer (I got to visit Canada a lot....it was sweet!!!)
Business Development Representative (my boss was an ass....I hated this job)

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over

Love Actually
Anchorman
Pride and Prejudice
Dangerous Beauty

4 TV Shows I Watch

Grey's Anatomy
The Office
CSI and CSI Miami
Side Order of Life

4 Places I’ve Lived

Bakersfield, CA
Ft Worth, TX
UK
Flower Mound, TX

4 Favorite Foods

Pasta
Fillet Mignon
Mexican food
Wedding cake (well, really any cake)

4 Websites I Visit Everyday
(I can't possibly really get online for long everyday....be serious)

Weather.com
Babycenter.com
Toysrus.com (started my Christmas shopping early this year)
Various blogs

4 Favorite Colors

Pink
Blue (like my babies' and hubby's eyes)
Green (like Drama's eyes)
Pale Yellow

Places I Would Love to Be Right Now

Tahiti
Italy
Vancouver, B.C.
Lake Tahoe, CA

4 Names I Love But Would/Could Not Use for my Children

Emily
Anna
William
Grace

Hmmmm, I don't have anyone to tag. The meager group of blog friends I know have already been tagged! I need to get out more!

How mature are we??

2007-09-28T10:56:00.001-05:00

Sunshine was given this really cool caterpillar toy, Alphabet Pal, for her B-day. Godparents A & C gave it to her. Alphie has 26 legs...one for each letter of the alphabet. If you turn to music, it will play a song that begins with each letter. Very cool.

Well, the Duke and I were playing with the toy the other day and found that it also does phonics. You press "o" and it says "oooo". So we started trying to say words. Pressing c-a-t would make it phonetically sound out the word cat, and even sounded a lot like it. You can probably see where this is going. Well, it won't do it! Alphie won't say bad words. We tried several times thinking we were pressing the letters too quickly. The toy has a safety device to ensure children don't accidentally learn to cuss. If you try to type in a certain four letter word it says "he he he, that tickles".

You know you would have tried it too, so stop judging.

Ugly day

2007-09-27T13:13:00.000-05:00

I see that I have not posted in awhile. I just really haven't felt like doing anything. Many days I sit in the rocking chair in my pjs and play with my children. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone, see anyone or go anywhere. My attitude and issue isn't really with anyone in particular, but aimed at the world in general. I'm angry at the world. I see people with family they don't even talk to. Siblings who argue (as adults) over which child a parent loved more. My parents talk to their family a few times a year, on birthdays or anniversary's....you know, the important stuff.
I hear all this crap from people who are so lucky. So lucky to have family. I would give anything in the world to pick up the phone and call my brother right now. To show him pictures of my new babies and show him how much his Godson has grown up.

Four years ago today, my baby brother passed away after a short battle with aplastic anemia. He actually died from a complication known as ARDS. It all happened so fast. One day he had strange bruising. The next day they found aplastic anemia. An aggressive treatment rendered his immune system incompetent and he acquired an infection. It was a bacteria we all have in our mouths. It normally causes no harm, but in his case it lead to pneumonia and a systemic infection. They tried to put him on a vent, but he fought to breathe on his own and he ended up with a pneumothorax. Induced into a medical coma, he was on a vent for two weeks. We had ups, and downs. I held his hand and told him about my life and the trivial things of the day thinking when he was better he would come out and we could laugh together about them.
But he never breathed on his own again.

I was at my parent's house when the call came. It was a Saturday. They needed to speak ASAP with his next of kin. My mom had run to Starbucks to get me and a friend some coffee. Something had happened that morning and he started bleeding uncontrollably. His oxygen sats were in the 50s for too long...way too low. They wanted permission to not intervene and let him go. I asked my mom to keep him on the vent until I got there to say goodbye, but it was too late. He went to meet Jesus while I was traveling down the freeway to the hospital. He was with my mom, and his wife. She laid her head on his chest and heard his heart beat slower and slower and finally not beat again. He was gone. He left behind two beautiful children, my Godchildren.

In the following weeks, many people called and asked me how my parents were, or how his wife and kids were. Clearly they had the biggest loss right? Did they ask me how I was? Possibly if I looked sad that particular day. One friend, Elastigirl, did tell me she knew what I was going through since she had lost her brother and offered a sincere hug. I have never forgotten that moment. I was numb for months and, in looking for comfort, found a website for the support of people who have lost siblings, recognizing that their grief often goes unoticed. The website said this:

"When you lose a parent, you lose your past.
When you lose a child, you lose your future.
When you lose a sibling, you lose your past, present and future for they are the only family members that we will know from early childhood until our last years. "

I'm so jealous of the Duke and his two siblings. They call each other from time to time, send pictures of their kids, and visit on holidays. Heck, I'll be honest. I'm jealous of anyone who has a brother or sister. Why did I lose my only brother? Some people don't even talk to their brothers. What is their problem?

Yep. Today is ugly. I don't want to remember, and yet how can I not?

Hormones, shoes and the evil hearth

2007-09-21T09:37:00.000-05:00

That's it! I have officially lost my mind. I just did diaper duty on the girls and managed to put Sunshine's diaper on Tinkerbell and tried to put TB's on SS, but it didn't work. She's too big. I thought TB's diaper seemed a little large. What was I thinking? The diapers aren't even the same brand.

My hormones must be going crazy, or I am headed down the path of menopause. Night sweats, day sweats, and afternoon sweats. I sweat. We keep the house at a balmy 75 degrees and yet I can't cool off. The hormones have also caused serious emotional upheaval in the house of five. I cry at the drop of a hat these days, fall asleep sitting up, and throw things. I actually fled the aerobics room yesterday in tears after seeing my thighs getting jiggly with it during step class. I sat on a weight bench just bawling. What gives?

I realize I haven't posted in a week but I have an excuse. After the week we have had, I could totally give Mrs. Swizzle a run for her money in the "Mother of Year" race. Sleepless nights have left me exhausted. Add that to the hormones and it can get a little crazy.
Monday I fell asleep in the rocking chair with Tinkerbell. Not usually a problem unless you are watching another baby who is mobile and crawls under the rocking chair only to stand up and cut her head under the foot rest. She didn't even really cry, but she woke me up from a happy place.
Tuesday morning, Drama couldn't find his shoes.....AGAIN!!!! When he gets home from school he flings off his backpack and shoes which makes for a harried morning looking for things. I completely lost my cool. We were running late, I was tired and he was whining and dragging throughout his room and finally came out wearing his soccer cleats...the only shows he could find. I started throwing shoes. Not at him, but still I was throwing shoes, screaming that I am so sick and tired of people throwing things all over the house and then asking me to find them in their moment of need. Wow. Flipped out much?
Wednesday night we took a trip to Super Nana's house since the Duke was teaching until 9:30 and I just needed some help juggling the little creatures. It was bliss for about 10 minutes. I actually got to read great American Lit....the October issue of Fitness Mag. My sweet Sunshine started running (yes running, not walking quickly) into the room to see me and tripped over her own feet catapulting her forehead into the large brick hearth. I tried to get up in time to catch her, but I wasn't fast enough. Thump.....pause....pause.... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail! I started yelling for Nana to get some ice, stat! She wasn't coming fast enough, the cut started to swell. It was swelling faster than I had ever seen anything swell. It started turning different colors: white, blue, green, then purple. Poor thing. I started crying with her. She refused ice so we rocked for awhile. She finally settled and while I was still crying she started smiling at me and patting my face. It was so sweet. I felt so awful that my angel face was so beat up. Mom told me that God made babies pretty robust so they could walk away from something like that. We watched her for an hour and she seemed normal. I checked in on her all night. She's fine, but her poor poor face is not. The goose egg has a two inch gash in it and is a beautiful shade of blue today. So much for winning that portrait contest!