Sleep...what's that?

Most women I have known in my life say they do not sleep well when their significant other is out of town. I am right there with them. I get the whole bed, don't have to fight for covers, and no one is snoring in my ear...but can't doze off. It's too quiet. Eerily quiet. I am a light sleeper...always have been. This has been magnified by having children...I have the monitors turned up so loud I can hear them breathing.

This trip I have been thrust into crazy mode. I don't sleep. I listen for every sound outside and in. Dogs barking, son getting up to use restroom at 3 AM, babies sneezing, car doors closing, airplanes flying over....it makes my head spin just thinking about it. Every night the kids have gone to bed by 8:30, and slept well. But I have been tossing and turning until around 2.

Last night I decided to give myself a break and take some Tylenol PM. Have you ever had the stuff??? It's good stuff. My OB recommended it for the last few weeks of pregnancy when I could not sleep to save my life...and it DID save my life. It was still sitting on the shelf in the medicine cabinet and called to me yesterday. I took two (I usually take only one).

BIG MISTAKE!!!!

Tinkerbel was up screaming from 9-11 last night. I also (dumb move) let Drama attend a baseball game with his Godparents and he walked in the door at 11:15. Then around 11:30 got a text from the Duke saying he missed everyone and would be traveling most of today blah blah blah. I finally fell fast asleep...until Sunshine starting shrieking around 1AM. I rocked her to sleep and put her soundly in her crib...3 times. She would wait until I crawled into bed, then started up again. Around 2:15 she woke her sister up and I told her she was on her own until I got the baby back to sleep (I figured she would be easier). She went down like a breeze, and I went back in, gave SS a Motrin dose and some water to drink, then rubbed her back for 15 minutes. She finally fell back asleep. Then TB was up for her usual 6AM feeding.

Sheesh I am tired. It's almost like my kids knew that I took a sleep aid. How do they do that???

Let the screaming begin...

It's already started. Sunshine has been up for only 10 minutes and they are already fighting. They fight over anything...toys, sippys, nothing. Tink is screaming because it appears that she wants a teddy graham that Sunshine is sitting next to. SS is screaming back "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the tops of her lungs and throwing them in the opposite direction. Does sibling rivalry really start this young? I have made many attempts to have 2 of most things. But it's just impossible. Besides many times SS will just take both and run off yelling "MINE" since TB is still only crawling and much slower. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she realizes that A: TB can catch her and B: TB is bigger than her (because it is obvious that she will be).

I am exhausted. The Duke is on Day 5 of his trip. He gets to sit on a bus for 7 hours today, do one concert, then have a leisurely dinner. Tomorrow he gets the day off to do whatever. I've heard they might visit a fabulous mercado to "shop". HE HATES SHOPPING!!!!!! How is this fair? I think I am going to buy a plane ticket for Cozymel and when I go to pick him up at the airport next Monday just drop the kids and leave. What do ya think? Would that be mean?

Now before you answer, let me give some background information. I went back to work when Drama was 6 months old. I worked in a position where I traveled 3-4 times a year...mostly to Canada. It was liberating to go places and see new things. Yes I missed my child, but I had a life, good hair, and always freshly painted toenails. Fast forward 8 years and here I am literally stuck in my own situation. The Duke just told me he was going to South America one day and I had nothing I could say to keep him here. I was invited with friends to go out of town for 3 days this summer (only 2 nights....not 11) and was given the third degree. Where are you going? What are you doing? What about work for those days? Uh darling...wherever you are out there. I don't care....I am going. Figure it out amongst yourselves.

Can you tell I am mildly irritated? I am tired, the girls were up crying every 30 mins last night until 2, and I have had a headache every night since the D left. And the screaming....oh...the screaming.....make it stop!

God save the Duchess

The middle one...Sunshine (which by the way I really need to work on new names) can open doors now. Why God? Why this week?

She just let Tinkerbell into Drama's room, which is still a mess from last week though he has been asked everyday to fix it. And...there were crayons...and coins...and I am pulling my hair out.

Where do you get those door things to keep kids out??? And do they deliver? Jeez I don't want to go out in public with thing 1 and thing 2 right now. I want to crawl under a rock and hide...would that be child abandonment? Hmmmm???

On the other side of the world

Right now, the Duke is flying somewhere over the equator. He is far far away. When he lands in South America tonight, we will be over 4200 miles apart. When you look at the globe, he is literally on the other side of the world. The cold winds come from the South Pole, it is autumn...turning into winter there. It seems strange to me...like he is in another world.

Getting ready for this trip has been extremely hard for us. About a month ago it hit him how long 12 days is, and he quickly regretted agreeing to go on this excursion. It wasn't required of him. He had only 24 hours to think about it and give an answer to the director. He says with another few hours to think on it, he would have answered no. The trip is poorly planned and until Saturday we didn't even know where he would be on any given day. He has received a vaccine for yellow fever and been warned to not take a shower loner than 2 minutes. No brushing your teeth with local water. Everything to drink must be brought to you in sealed bottle, which is then to be wiped down, and finished with a straw. Apparently the water could make them very sick. He has a special diarrhea kit, mosquito spray, and several rehydrating packets. So again...why is he there?

Some Baroque music festival. I hope it is worth it for him....and for me! He called from Miami during his layover and talked until they made him turn off his phone just in case we can't talk while he is away. I feel empty without him. I know that sounds strange, but he really is my best friend, my soul mate, my second self. I miss him already....and the breaks I get from the crazies...and the fact that he does the dishes every morning...and makes my morning coffee for me (sometimes brings it to me in bed). How will I cope tomorrow?

So far I have the coffee pot on auto. Hopefully I won't forget that you have to add water, and coffee...so much for auto. Sign me up for a magic coffee pot. Do they make those?

Quick bikini challenge update

Had an appointment with the trainer today. I have lost 5 pounds since March 5th, including 2 pounds of fat. The bad news is that while my overall body fat % went down a point, I lost 3 pounds of muscle. She says I'm not eating enough; and she's not on board with Ms Michael's one snack a day garbage. She reminded me to up my protein intake, not skip meals, and eat every 2 hours....and keep up the good work. I can see a bikini of some sort in the not-so-distant future.

Day 13

How am I doing? Well, I fell off the wagon last weekend. I hopped back on for the exercise portion this week, but I was too tired and irritated to make diet food...why??? ...period number 3. Yes, I am smack in the middle of my once-every-3 months cycle. Hooray. I think I make up for the other two months all in about 3 days. I am low-energy, low-patience, and low-willpower from chocolate.

So, I started last week off strong. I ate perfectly M-F and worked out M/T according to the book. Unfortunately I was too sore to complete Th/F workouts. Oh well. By the end of the week I was honestly seeing a difference in my stomach area. It was so motivating. Then for some reason this week I hit the workouts hardcore, but ate terrible things (like home made peanut butter cookies...MMMMM, and some frozen Cadbury eggs I was saving for August...sigh). I feel pudgy again and fluffy. My belief now is that if you can only handle one discipline, go with the diet. It made more of a difference in my body....in a HUGE way. I felt more in control last week, more focused. The food gave me energy to exist in my crazy corner of the world. This week has been full of energy slumps and sugar crashes.

Let's hope next week is better. I need to plan better. Though, I don't know how I will do all this with the Duke out of the country. Let me ponder that for awhile....and get back to ya.

Support for the girls

So, at church last week, a friend whispered to me asking if I had found "the bra". LOL
Of course I did, you think I'm gonna let the girls hang out after nursing 3 children? Fat chance.

I actually did quite well. I was dropped at TJ Maxx without the children and was given 30 mins to find something. Have you ever tried to find a bra at TJ Maxx??? I mean a good one? I was looking for something to lift the deflated water balloons off of my waist. However, there was one strapless bra in a size anywhere close to what I should be wearing, and it had to be. It was the most uncomfortable thing, besides a nursing child with teeth, that has ever touched my boobs.

Moral of the story...don't shop for foundations at a discount store.

Speaking of discounts, however, I did find some FABULOUS knock-off shoes at a discount shoe store for the wedding. Have you heard of Carlos by C. Santana shoes??? OMG they rock!!!!

Check them out here.



Anyway, they retail for $98. I found mine for $48. They are basically the same shoe. In fact, several women on the ship commented on my awesome "Carlos" shoes. Ah, if they only knew. Maybe the real ones don't give you blisters. Yowsers!



Here is me in my wedding attire, and then....the shoes....

Day 1

A friend of mine got me interested in a book by Jillian Michaels. She's the hardcore buff brunette trainer (Jillian that is, although Mrs. Swizzle could probably beat me in an arm wrestling match...and is brunette as well) on NBC's Biggest Loser Challenge show . The book is called "Making the Cut". It's a book with a 30 day plan (diet and exercise) for those who want to lose those last stubborn 10-20 pounds and get "ripped". (For those who want to lose more she suggests starting with her first book, "Winning by Losing".



In my sleep-deprived craziness, I decided to give it a try. Ever since I was a personal trainer (9 years ago....sheesh I am aging fast) I am fascinated by reading about new diet methods and plans and giving them a try. Honestly, most of them are crap. The ones that work are based on the same principal. Eat more whole foods, less sugar and junk, eat less calories than you burn....blah blah blah. I once tried the infamous South Beach diet and actually lost the 8 pounds in 2 weeks they promised. Of course the minute I added chocolate chip cookies back in...those 8 were back...plus some.

So now I have officially lost 40 pounds from the day I gave birth to Tinkerbel. YAY! I still want to lose between 10-15, but honestly if I stayed this size forever, I would be genuinely happy with it. I have worked hard for this size....so why I am stepping it up a notch???


Three words:
Summer beach trip.


I have not been able to travel the last 2 summers due to pregnancy/delivery/etc. So this summer we are going for it. 1 week in Dauphin Island, with some friends. I want to not be afraid of the bikini, I don't want my thighs to touch anymore and I want my butt lifted about 4 inches. So look out J Michaels. I am taking on your challenge.


Today I have stayed strictly on the diet but I added about 300 calories to what she gives the average Joe since I am still nursing. I did have a diet soda (which is a no-no) but other than that I have stayed true. And honestly, I feel good. I don't feel hungry like usual. This is a pleasant surprise. I also started the Day workout and OUCH! I was dying. I am not used to working out at that pace and I couldn't even perform some of the moves she dictates. Hopefully that will improve as I gain strength.
So here's to 30 days of no alcohol, no soda (except today), no sugar andno fast food.

That looks scary!

Wish me luck!!!

We're back!

We got home late Monday evening. The airplane ride was quite peaceful since both girls fell asleep. I got to watch "Enchanted" with no sound. Where do the airlines get off selling crappy earphones for $2 a set? Remember when they were free? I guess if I had my own Ipod (hint hint next Christmas...), I would have had my ear buds with. Oh well, I'd already seen the movie anyway.

So we were sitting on this completely packed flight when the captain announced over the PA that were grounded for 55 minutes due to a tornado in Texas. AS I tried to hold Tinkerbel still on my lap and my mom wrestled with Sunshine, I prayed that something good would come of this. I prayed for sanity, peace, and that the man sitting next to me didn't hate children as much as his facial expressions led me to believe. Then, the captain returned. He mentioned that due to all the storms we would need extra fuel in case we needed to circle above, and we could not carry a full passenger load with the extra fuel. 10 passengers were booted off. Guess who???

Yep, grumpy man sitting next to me. High five God! My children had their own seat to share and on take-off they both passed out. Is that wrong that I was so happy he was kicked off? He was flying standby anyway, and I'm sure his trip was much more enjoyable without kids kicking him from every angle.

So now I am back to reality. No more yachts in sunny Newport Beach harbor. No more fancy shoes and cocktails dresses, massages and pedis. I am back to jeans and T's, flats and laundry....endless loads of laundry.

I do have to insert here that the Duke impressed me in an amazing way.
He is anti-housework. I always joke around that I refuse to handicap my children the way MIL handicapped my husband. Sh did all the housework. She was STILL doing Duke's laundry when we met. That should have been a sign to run the other way! But I stayed and have been fighting a losing battle ever since.

BUT...

On Monday, I came home to a clean house! Not just picked up, but mopped, and vacuumed! He even washed the girls crib bedding (including bumpers) and put them back on. How wonderful it was to walk in to a clean house, and roses.

Geez, I need to get away more often. Next time without the crazies!
Where should we go???