Looking in the window of life

I took a friend of mine to the OB yesterday to have a sonogram. She is on strict bedrest and I offered to drive her. Of course I wanted to help a friend, but some of it was pure selfishness.
Here's why.

I LOVE sonograms. Not just my own, any sonogram. Peering into the amazing human body (ok, especially my own) and watching a life grow week by week is about the most fascinating thing I have witnessed in my life.

Some of you may or may not know that I had weekly sonograms and NSTs with both of my girls from about 22 weeks. With Sunshine it was gestational diabetes, with Tinkerbel it was oligohydramnios (low fluid). Every week I laid there and watched in amazement as their features became more human-like and they would move: yawn, suck their thumb, hiccup, etc. It was like time stopped for 15 minutes. I never got tired of it.

I loved it so much that towards the end of my last pregnancy I decided I would like to be a sonogram tech when I grow up. It seems to be my calling. I feel a deep desire to learn the art.

And so I begged my friend DM to let me go and be a bystander. Nothing had changed. It still moved me when we saw the first glimpse. She looked at the placenta first. I must add that I have seen so many sonograms in the last two years, I can pretty much tell what structure is being measured. She checked presentation and found out the baby had moved from a breach to a vertex position.(YAY! She gets to try a regular delivery). We saw the face so clearly it was like we were looking at the real thing. His arm was resting on the forehead, completely oblivious to our intrusion and the fact that he will be rudely pushed into joining us in this bright cold world next Wednesday.

I find it fascinating, amazing, beautiful and I hope I can start my career sooner rather than later. Going yesterday made me even more excited. Now if I can just find a rich 2nd cousin to fund my certificate

Ugh

Tomorrow is the kick-off to the spring soccer season. I am dreading it more than usual this time. I have no patience for: the "my SUV is bigger than yours" attitude as they swipe in front of your precious-cargo-carrying vehicle just in time to nick your parking space. The ladies who wear full make-up for an 8AM game. The dads who yell at their kids like they just bobbled the snap in a playoff game. The constant chasing of Sunshine who desperately wants to be on the field with her brother. Providing healthy snacks while trying to be the coolest mom on the team at the request of above mentioned son. My ex-husband refusing to comb son's hair for yet another picture. Having to be in the same place at the same time with said ex....and having to make small talk...with a forced smile. Having to be out of bed before 9 on a Saturday. Smelling like dirty kids for the rest of the day. I could go on....but I won't. You get the picture.

I will say that I do get immense joy in knowing that 2 times a week my son is outside in fresh air and exercising, which is more than double what he gets in our "no child gets left behind, instead they get diabetes" public school system.

Here's your sign...

My son (darling 8 year old that he is), the 3rd dirtiest person I have ever had the pleasure of living with, walks in after school today and says...

"Mom, this kitchen is disgusting. Look at all stuff on the floor! It is so gross that I couldn't eat my breakfast this morning down here".

Wow. If the kids are noticing, it must be bad. Yuck!

Lent schment

So...

After 2 weeks....how am I doing?

I've been to 1 of 2 Lent Sunday mornings at church....not bad.
I went to the first Lenten Monday Night Lives and my children were absolutely evil...so I decided to not to go back. (not really my fault I guess)

I went from Ash Wednesday until this past Friday without sweets. YAY me!
On Friday night I started the cramping and the mood swings that signaled the start to the 3rd post-baby cycle. Then...it started. I was achy, whiney, and miserable. I cried to the Duke that I jut needed chocolate and everything would be ok. Apparently I was not so pleasant because he responded that God would probably be less mad at me if I had a piece of chocolate than if I beat my entire family.
So, I had a piece of chocolate. One piece, and it was enough. I was cheerful, yet still whiney and stayed in bed with a heating pad all night.
I have eaten some chocolate everyday since. Almost like I can't make it through a period without it. Is it a miracle drug? What is it with chocolate? Why doe it call to us in times of stress?
I think the cycle is about over, and I am officially back on the Lent wagon.

Let's see how it goes from here.

Valentines Day...the most romantic day of the year

Yeah right. Not if you have kids. Here is a synopsis of my day of amore.

Let me first set the day up for you. Darling Duke had the day off, with the exception of haircut and 4 student make-up lessons in the evening. We had plans to take the girls to the park and go to lunch together.

6:30 Am- TB wakes up for nursing....but she is WIDE AWAKE.
6:45- Give TB a toy in bed and hope she plays quietly.
7:00- Wake up Drama.
7:15- Realize I forgot to have him make his V-day mailbox
7:20- Furiously start putting together a mailbox complete with stickers and decorations worthy of the best 2nd grade Valentines.
7:45-Finish box...feed DK....
7:55- Run out the door in pjs and house shoes. Walk DK to corner, watch him cross street and wave bye quickly as I realize people are looking at me strangely.
8:15- Re-nurse TB. She falls asleep. Thank God!
10:15- Hear SS stirring. Look at clock....freak out that it is so late.
10:20- Check on TB, she is up and playing in her crib.
10:30- make coffee, feed girls
10:45- SS dumps bowl of syrup on her head.
Give SS a bath.
11:15- Call my dad about looking at the D's brakes. He wants to work on it now...b/c it will be much colder this weekend.
11:20- Realize my sweet baby Sunshine is 18 months old today and get a little teary while combing her hair.
11:45- shower
12:45- Receive disturbing phone call from a fellow 2nd grade mom who says her son learned the "F" word from my son when he heard him "whisper" to a friend. Am shocked that he even knows this word. And....mortified.
1:00- Leave for dad's house. The Duke follows me. Dad says it's brakes. He will rotate tire while we eat.
1:30- Quick extremely unromantic lunch at Quiznos. Hardly got to speak to the Duke as my two little hatchlings were screaming for the food off of my plate.
2:15- Dad not finished with car
2:30- The Duke drops SS and I off at DK's school for his class party.
3:00- Walk home. Finally put SS down for a nap....TB still has not had one. Duke leaves for haircut.
4:00- Duke walks in a new man. Totally cut off his semi-long hair. Wow...he looks hot! Happy V-day!
4:15- But wait....we have to leave to take him to get his car so he can teach.
Wake up SS (she was so not ready)...pack car with kids.
4:30- Decide to just stay at mom and dad's for awhile. TB sleeps for 15 minutes.
6:15- Feed children.
7:00- Go home. Finish homework with Drama. Wrap gifts for Darling Duke.
7:45- Duke gets home. With gifts for kids. And me...YAY! WE all open gifts and have fun family time.
8:15- Until SS gets cranky due to lack of sleep and I start to take her t0 bed.
8:16- But she wants daddy to put her down.
8:40- Duke leaves to pick up Chinese/Sushi order from new restaurant close by.
8:45- Realize Drama never ate. He was at his cousin's house. Make fast micro pizza. (I'm such a good mom...no?)
9:00- Send DK to bed. SS wont fall asleep. Neither will TB.
Duke brings food home.....and pours glasses of wine. We try to eat together.
But SS is STILL crying. I eat my appetizers while I wait for him to rock her to sleep..
They aren't very good.
9:10- Duke comes down. SS still crying. We are starving. We eat with SS crying through the monitor and TB pulling at our pantlegs under the table. THe food is awful. The sushi, the worst I have had. Thank goodness for wine.
9:30- SS stops crying. Duke rocks TB to sleep. I go take a bath.... and shave....Weeeeeeeee!
10:15- I pick up my first copy of Southern Living (not really my style but a gift from MIL for my Bday.....obviously trying to tell me something). TB is now asleep. I tell the Duke he has 15 min to come upstairs or I am going to sleep.
10:30- Duke promptly gets upstairs after putting down baby, feeding dogs and turning off lights downstairs.
10:35- Start smooching.....but the lights are on....and I am self conscious about my newly deflated balloon boobs (depsite the fact that I am still nursing).
10:36-Turn off lights, crack blinds to let in beautiful moonlight. Much better.
10:37- Start smooching.
10:38- SS starts making noises in the monitor. Duke says to turn it off....start smooching. I say it's hard to get in the mood with a baby monitor blaring in your ear. EWE! I said blaring. We both get image of friend named Blair and quickly stop.
10:40- regain composure.
10:41- Smooching and running my fingers through new hair I mention how much I love it that I can see his handsome face again. The Duke says "Ok (insert Duke's mother's name)".
AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!
We both get the heebeejeebies, get out of bed and shake in disgust.
10:42- me- "Did you just call me your mom?.....while making out with me?"
D- "Um, let's not talk about this ever again"
Me- "Should we even try to resume this?"
D- "Well it is V-day"
10:50-Finally get past all akwardness. I tell Duke he has 10 mins and I am going to sleep.
11:22-Ok, so I'm not a clock watcher....
11:23- D-"That was the wierdest experience"
Me- "yes, but nice"
D- "Well of course it was."
Me- "Happy Vday. I love you"
D- "I love you too."

So, how was your V-day? Did he sweep you off your feet? I must live vicariously through my randy friends....

Book Meme

I've been tagged by Mrs. Swizzle for a book meme.

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!)


Um, ok. I am at my home desk, which is covered in books. The top one on the stack (Instant Reflexology) only has 63 pages. The next one down...yes, it has more than 123.

"The Life and Times of Elizabeth I" by Neville Williams

Find Page 123 and Find the first 5 sentences.

Post the next 3 sentences.
Simier proved 'a most choice courtier, exquisitely skilled in love toys, pleasant conceits and court dalliance'. Such gallantry made Elizabeth feel a different woman, even if he were a proxy suitor, and she nicknamed him her 'Monkey'. She revelled in his attentions, and took a girlish delight in the escapade of his raid on her bedchamber to steal a nightcap that he could forward to Alencon as a love token.

Wow, I need to read that book! Queens get to have all the fun.

Tag 5 people.

I tag Dana, Dawn and Tara.

Godsend

Last Sunday after church the Duke told me about a discussion he had with one of his choir members, JM. JM came to him with teary eyes saying she felt it in her heart that God was calling her to reach out and help our family. She is off work every other Friday and asked if she could come over and sit with the children while I get some things done.

I have met JM before, but I wouldn't say I know her at all. I have had many offers by friends, church folk, and neighbors to come help before. Sit with the kids, take one or the other kid, do laundry, help with chores, etc. But I have never had the ability to say yes, and recognize that I do need help. Here in the midst of Lent I was thinking "Who am I to not let someone follow through on a call they believe is from God?" and with the help of our trusty friend, self-examination, I have accepted the fact that I can not do this on my own to my satisfaction and still have time to enjoy my children's youth.

I realized a few nights ago that I don't play with my children often enough. We have moments here and there. But most of the time I am trying to pacify and occupy them long enough to get something done around the house, to go workout, go to the store, fix dinner, etc. I definitely don't want to miss out ont hese great years, so I am going to have to suck it up and accept help when it is offered.

Accepting JM's offer was exceedingly difficult. She came over around 10 (I was still in my pjs which wa very uncomfortable for me). JM raised 4 children, so she understands being in your jammies all day. She walked in, sat down with the girls and immediately started breaking the ice wth our shy Sunshine. I knew she's be a hit with Tinkerbel, and she was. SS didn't take her eyes off me the whole time I stayed downstairs.

I hung around for awhile letting the babies warm up to her. I made myself some coffee, breakfast, and sat down and ate it while it was warm. Yum. I've missed that. During this time she had rocked TB to sleep, laid her down in her crib and was building blocks with SS. She seemed ok, so I went upstairs and washed my hair, shaved my legs, dried and curled my hair, put on make-up and got dressed. All without children running around the bathroom pulling things off the vantity. It was so wonderful.

After my shower I put SS down for her nap and JM folded a load of laundry. Then TB woke up and JM told me to just get out of the house, take a drive, do whatever. I only had an hour since she had to leave at 2:30. So I got in the car and did various errands. I ot to roll the windows down since there were no babies in the back and it was a glorious day.

It wasn't too bad. I still felt akward accepting help. She asked several times if she could clean a bathroom or two and just couldn't ask her to do such a thing. Not right now. Maybe I'll get there....someday. Baby steps.
In the mean time, God Bless JM!

The glory of these forty days

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of Lent. We began a journey to Easter that begins with the imposition of ashes on our foreheads, and ends with the glorious celebration of Christ's resurrection.


Why is this important to my blog?

Lent is a time of penitence, an introspective period during which we take stock of our lives and our relationships to discover and change what we must to prepare for Easter. During these 40 days we each follow the example of Jesus by sacrificing our own will to the purpose of God.

We strive to give up extravagance, self-indulgence, and chip away all the excess stuff and just focus on our relationship with God. This includes fasting, meditation, self examination and alms giving.


The word “Lent” comes from the Anglo-Saxon word lencten, or spring, the time of year when the days begin to lengthen. Lent itself is always the same period of time, but its starting date is tied to the movable feast of Easter and can be as early as February 4 or as late as March 10.

Again....why is this important to me and my family?

Well, we (mostly I) have made some commitments for these next 40 days. Some are going to be hard, and some extremely hard.

I plan to....

-Give up sweets. My biggest self-indulgent, non-necessary behavior.
-Attend Sunday Mass (barring family illness, or my own, or just not being able to stand after a night of no sleep which to me is the same as being "sick")
-Attend the Monday Night Live Lenten program at the church (will be tough taking 3 kids by myself...but good spiritual food and fellowship)
-Walk the Stations of the Cross at least once
-Examine my behavior and life as a whole and meditate on how I can improve me for God and my family.

So...pray for me. I am actually looking forward to clarity! Right now I only see fog.

Compline

One of my favorite things about being an Episcopalian is all the tradition and beautiful liturgies. Sometimes it's almost like going to a magical performance. Not to detract from the reverance of it all, but you would have to see what I am talking about to fully understand where I am coming from.

Compline is basically evening prayer. It is the last Office of the day....sort of a way to wind down before sleep. It is completely sung, many times by candlelight only. Last night we started a journey toward a monthly Compline service at our church. The Duke has agreed to lead the music and choose singers to complete the choir. We are both really excited about it. For me, mostly because we finally get to make beautiful music together and because I feel very strongly about offering this type of service to our community.

The music is not for everyone. Most of the repertoire comes out of Tudor England in the 16th century. William Byrd, T. Tallis and John Sheppard are among the composers you will hear at Compline. There are also a few readings (chanted not read) and prayers (again, sung) that complete the entire service which lasts about 30 minutes. It is ethereal, soulful, and incredibly beautiful.

The Duke still has a few things to tweak: dates to pick out on the church calendar, singers to find, details to nail down. We hope this will be a prayerful and spiritual experience for those who attend. It's a time you can come into church an just be in God's presence with no need to sit, stand, kneel, read or participate in any way. You can just be. I think we could all use more one on one time with God.

Last night's Compline was a great start. The Duke hoped the choir had been a little more involved with the music and less buried in their books...but it was a great start to something that will hopefully grow in the hearts of all people in our area regardless of religious affiliation (Compline is non-denominational). I look forward to working with my dear Duke. He has such an amazing talent for music, and we both share a great passion for Early Music in general. Plus it feels kind of dirty, in a good way, to be "sleeping with the director". LOL!