How long can a baby cry???

Or should I say how long can a mommy go without sleep?

Tinkerbell has had colic since she was about 4 weeks. It wasn't too bad at first. She was fussy in the evenings. This lasted usually from 6:30 in the evening until 9:30. Then it would stop and she would sleep well (usually from 11-4:30 Am). I was stressed, but I was sleeping a little and I knew this was only temporary. This kept me a little sane. My other babies have had cranky times too. It's normal. Sometimes babies just need to cry.

However...the last few nights have been hell. She starts earlier and cries later. I can't console her. Rocking, bouncing, driving, swinging only seems to take the pain away temporarily and then it's back...with a vengeance! Last night, I about lost my mind. She started around 4:30 yesterday. I dropped the girls off with mom so I could take Drama to soccer. She was crying when we left for soccer, and when we returned. Starting at 9, she cried until 4 AM. Yes, there were 15 minute breaks here and there where she took little catnaps...but I basically had to be on my feet all night. It was horrible to see her in what seemed to be so much pain.

I love my baby so much, but this period of colic is really pushing me to levels I never knew existed and testing my parenting skills in ways that just aren't fair. Nothing is aimed towards the baby. It's not her fault. She is a beautiful and wonderful baby that is just extremely sensitive. I have so many ugly feelings that surface and surround me day by day now.

Guilt
My two other children do not get even half of the time they deserve from their mommy anymore. I tend to snap at DK and just deal with Sunshine enough to get her daily needs taken care of. But there is not enough play, not enough comfort, not enough mommy to go around these days. And I feel horrible for this. They deserve better from me. At least DK can understand to some point what is going on, but poor Sunshine...she just wants mommy. Which brings me to...

Jealousy
Mr. Five is taking on the role of playing and caring for a lot of Sunshine's needs. It's great, but I see her developing a special relationship with him that makes me feel like an outsider.
I'm also jealous of the sleep Mr. F is getting. No fair. When I am up for walking or feeding I hear him snoring and I just want to hit him. And that's not normal. Is it?

Anger
I'm angry at the situation. I'm angry at Mr. F for not helping around the house more when it is obvious I need it. I'm angry that I have lost my evenings. I don't do sing anymore or go out with friends much. I have no life. I'm angry I can't just sit back and enjoy my last newborn knowing I will never have another so sweet and little. I'm angry that I can't be a better mom to my other kids. Angry that I can't make it better for TB, that I can't comfort my baby...the one thing I should be able to do better than anyone.

Despair
Over my house. The laundry piles up. Sunshine (my little Texas Tornado) pulls everything off of counters and drops them on the floor. DK and Mr. Five are just as bad. They leave dishes out and clothes on the floor and despite my constant nagging will not pull their weight around here. I am too exhausted to deal with the grocery store so I find that I never have what I need in the house for feeding my family. I just can't get my darn house clean!

I know all of this will pass in time as her digestive system becomes more mature and things will be peachy one day. But right now it's affecting my sanity, my children, my marriage and it's so terribly hard. Out of desperation I finally called the Dr this morning and begged them to help me figure this out. I as in tears with the nurse. I have already tried giving up dairy, caffeine, and all cruciferous vegetables. They want to take a look at her this afternoon to make sure she is otherwise healthy since sister had a sinus infection not too long ago. I hope they find a way to make her feel better, for her, for me, for my family.