Sleep...what's that?

Most women I have known in my life say they do not sleep well when their significant other is out of town. I am right there with them. I get the whole bed, don't have to fight for covers, and no one is snoring in my ear...but can't doze off. It's too quiet. Eerily quiet. I am a light sleeper...always have been. This has been magnified by having children...I have the monitors turned up so loud I can hear them breathing.

This trip I have been thrust into crazy mode. I don't sleep. I listen for every sound outside and in. Dogs barking, son getting up to use restroom at 3 AM, babies sneezing, car doors closing, airplanes flying over....it makes my head spin just thinking about it. Every night the kids have gone to bed by 8:30, and slept well. But I have been tossing and turning until around 2.

Last night I decided to give myself a break and take some Tylenol PM. Have you ever had the stuff??? It's good stuff. My OB recommended it for the last few weeks of pregnancy when I could not sleep to save my life...and it DID save my life. It was still sitting on the shelf in the medicine cabinet and called to me yesterday. I took two (I usually take only one).

BIG MISTAKE!!!!

Tinkerbel was up screaming from 9-11 last night. I also (dumb move) let Drama attend a baseball game with his Godparents and he walked in the door at 11:15. Then around 11:30 got a text from the Duke saying he missed everyone and would be traveling most of today blah blah blah. I finally fell fast asleep...until Sunshine starting shrieking around 1AM. I rocked her to sleep and put her soundly in her crib...3 times. She would wait until I crawled into bed, then started up again. Around 2:15 she woke her sister up and I told her she was on her own until I got the baby back to sleep (I figured she would be easier). She went down like a breeze, and I went back in, gave SS a Motrin dose and some water to drink, then rubbed her back for 15 minutes. She finally fell back asleep. Then TB was up for her usual 6AM feeding.

Sheesh I am tired. It's almost like my kids knew that I took a sleep aid. How do they do that???

Let the screaming begin...

It's already started. Sunshine has been up for only 10 minutes and they are already fighting. They fight over anything...toys, sippys, nothing. Tink is screaming because it appears that she wants a teddy graham that Sunshine is sitting next to. SS is screaming back "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the tops of her lungs and throwing them in the opposite direction. Does sibling rivalry really start this young? I have made many attempts to have 2 of most things. But it's just impossible. Besides many times SS will just take both and run off yelling "MINE" since TB is still only crawling and much slower. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she realizes that A: TB can catch her and B: TB is bigger than her (because it is obvious that she will be).

I am exhausted. The Duke is on Day 5 of his trip. He gets to sit on a bus for 7 hours today, do one concert, then have a leisurely dinner. Tomorrow he gets the day off to do whatever. I've heard they might visit a fabulous mercado to "shop". HE HATES SHOPPING!!!!!! How is this fair? I think I am going to buy a plane ticket for Cozymel and when I go to pick him up at the airport next Monday just drop the kids and leave. What do ya think? Would that be mean?

Now before you answer, let me give some background information. I went back to work when Drama was 6 months old. I worked in a position where I traveled 3-4 times a year...mostly to Canada. It was liberating to go places and see new things. Yes I missed my child, but I had a life, good hair, and always freshly painted toenails. Fast forward 8 years and here I am literally stuck in my own situation. The Duke just told me he was going to South America one day and I had nothing I could say to keep him here. I was invited with friends to go out of town for 3 days this summer (only 2 nights....not 11) and was given the third degree. Where are you going? What are you doing? What about work for those days? Uh darling...wherever you are out there. I don't care....I am going. Figure it out amongst yourselves.

Can you tell I am mildly irritated? I am tired, the girls were up crying every 30 mins last night until 2, and I have had a headache every night since the D left. And the screaming....oh...the screaming.....make it stop!

God save the Duchess

The middle one...Sunshine (which by the way I really need to work on new names) can open doors now. Why God? Why this week?

She just let Tinkerbell into Drama's room, which is still a mess from last week though he has been asked everyday to fix it. And...there were crayons...and coins...and I am pulling my hair out.

Where do you get those door things to keep kids out??? And do they deliver? Jeez I don't want to go out in public with thing 1 and thing 2 right now. I want to crawl under a rock and hide...would that be child abandonment? Hmmmm???

On the other side of the world

Right now, the Duke is flying somewhere over the equator. He is far far away. When he lands in South America tonight, we will be over 4200 miles apart. When you look at the globe, he is literally on the other side of the world. The cold winds come from the South Pole, it is autumn...turning into winter there. It seems strange to me...like he is in another world.

Getting ready for this trip has been extremely hard for us. About a month ago it hit him how long 12 days is, and he quickly regretted agreeing to go on this excursion. It wasn't required of him. He had only 24 hours to think about it and give an answer to the director. He says with another few hours to think on it, he would have answered no. The trip is poorly planned and until Saturday we didn't even know where he would be on any given day. He has received a vaccine for yellow fever and been warned to not take a shower loner than 2 minutes. No brushing your teeth with local water. Everything to drink must be brought to you in sealed bottle, which is then to be wiped down, and finished with a straw. Apparently the water could make them very sick. He has a special diarrhea kit, mosquito spray, and several rehydrating packets. So again...why is he there?

Some Baroque music festival. I hope it is worth it for him....and for me! He called from Miami during his layover and talked until they made him turn off his phone just in case we can't talk while he is away. I feel empty without him. I know that sounds strange, but he really is my best friend, my soul mate, my second self. I miss him already....and the breaks I get from the crazies...and the fact that he does the dishes every morning...and makes my morning coffee for me (sometimes brings it to me in bed). How will I cope tomorrow?

So far I have the coffee pot on auto. Hopefully I won't forget that you have to add water, and coffee...so much for auto. Sign me up for a magic coffee pot. Do they make those?

Quick bikini challenge update

Had an appointment with the trainer today. I have lost 5 pounds since March 5th, including 2 pounds of fat. The bad news is that while my overall body fat % went down a point, I lost 3 pounds of muscle. She says I'm not eating enough; and she's not on board with Ms Michael's one snack a day garbage. She reminded me to up my protein intake, not skip meals, and eat every 2 hours....and keep up the good work. I can see a bikini of some sort in the not-so-distant future.