You know you're a child of the 80's when...

This evening we were trying out our new home sound system (with new HDTV!!!!....SWEET!). Our cable provider has a plethora of music channels including 2 of the 1980's genre. We tuned in and watched as Drama writhed as if in pain and plugged his ears. This is TERRIBLE mom! he screamed. Sheena E's "Strut" came on and Sunshine and I started dancing. (She doesn't care yet that the music is not of her time) . I looked at the screen and it said it was released in 1984.
I said "Hey (Drama), this song came out when I was 8....just like you".

He muttered in disgust and wandered upstairs. The next time he came down the Duke and I were in the 40th refrain of "We are the world....we are the children". Now instead of our lighters we can sway with our cell phones like the cool generation. We got annoyed after the 60th or so refrain and changed it quickly to classical like most 30-something repectable adults do.

It was nostalgic while it lasted and made me want to take that walk down memory lane. I know you want to come too...so read up. If you really are a child of the 80s....this will never get old.
I have to admit that I recieved this via e-mail forward, but I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard that I had to share it here as well. All but about two of these were true of me.

You know you grew up in the 80’s if….
1. you’ve ever ended a sentance with the word “sike”
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that “WOAH” comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock”
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. On Friday nights you stayed in to watch Full House, Step by Step, and Family Matters
8. You played MASH (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
9. You wore a lot of plastic jewlery
10. You knew the profound meaning of “wax on, wax off”
11.You wanted to be a goonie
12. You ever wore florescent clothing (some of us head to toe)
13. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
14. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
15. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
16. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
17. You still get the urge to say “NOT” after every sentence.
18. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
19. You ever owned a pair of jelly shoes
20. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”
21. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
22. YOu remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
23. You have ever played with a skip it
24. You remember boom boxes
25. You remember watching both gremlins movies
26. You thought that Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot
27. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
28. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”
29. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell” The ORIGINAL class.
30. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
31. You just sang those words to yourself
32. You still sing “we are the world”
33. You tight rolled your jeans
34. You owned a banana clip
35. You remember “Where’s the Beef?”
36. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?”
37. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

...still LMAO!!!!

True love is....

When you are nursing your poor poor sick baby girl and you don't freak out and unlatch her when you realize there is a HUGE glob of green snot connecting her nose to your boob.

Tuesday's triumph!

Another gray rainy day today, but I had a fantastic moment.

I slinkied myself into a pair of pre-Sunshine jeans! Size 8....Hallelujah! They don't look the same. My thighs look bigger and the booty saggier...but they are on...and buttoned...and it feels wonderful.

Yay me!

Gray day, ugly day

This morning as I was walking out the door on a cold regular dreary December day, I received word from a friend that our dear friend, J, has passed away. We knew it was coming since Friday, but that never softened the blow of actually hearing those words. The beaming face, the posh British accent and the bear hugs that many times made my Sunday mornings will be no longer.

J and I had been planning the wedding of Drama and her grand daughter since they were in preschool together. We always talked about the beautiful children they would have. The kids both just looked at us and rolled their eyes as we snickered behind their backs every time they were in the same room.

She had a very unique and special place in mine and the Duke's hearts. She was there the day we met. She was my biggest cheerleader in getting up the nerve to talk to him. She went on and on about how gorgeous he was and that I was the only single person who could do anything about it. J gave him a pink slip of paper to write down my phone number one Sunday. She honestly believed that she was the matchmaker of the century when we told her of our impending wedding...and we were happy to let her take the credit. She gushed over our baby Sunshine. Her cheeks, her blue eyes, her curly hair. Her husband W, told th Duke he believed her to be the most beautiful little girl he has ever seen in the most genuine way you can imagine. 2 years after her famous matchmaking, she knitted the most beautiful pink baby blanket for SS with little hearts all over it in remembrance of the pink sticky note.

I ran into her a few days before I delivered Tinkerbel. I was going in for pre-op paperwork and she was just sitting in the waiting room to be admitted for a biopsy. They thought it was leukemia. I sat there an hugged her, we talked about baby names (her daughter was also pregnant with a girl). She really wanted us to name our baby Claire (it was so British) and promised to come up to see us right after the baby was born. Unfortunately after TB was born, she was rushed to the NICU, and by the time she was out J was too weak and sick to come upstairs. I did hold her up outside her hospital room a week later. I could tell it made her week to see another one of our babies. But other than that... she never saw our littlest angel...nor held her.

I can't really find anymore words. I can't imagine church or choir without her. We offer our prayers and love to all her family and friends as we celebrate the life of a truly amazing woman....our matchmaker.

May God grant her eternal peace.

Deadly G-string surfaces again in Texas suburb

I'm sure you all remember my daughter's first incident with the above named suspect. Well, this time it was more funny than frightening AND captured on video for your viewing pleasure.

Friends and mommy time

I called for a much needed, and very timely, Girls night out last week. I called my friend Mrs Swizzle since she said she needed one, but didn't want to plan one. We had another friend join in as well and we were off to BJ's Brewery for some drinks and dessert...or so we thought. Being the women that we are, we didn't take into account that the Cowboys were playing a huge game and people would flock to any restaurant with a tv. The wait for a table was over an hour. We eventually ended up at Macaroni Grill. It was the right call. The place was empty and the Peach Bellini's were fabulous.

After chatting with the girls, it became clear to me that the funky mood I have had is contagious. All three of us have children. All three of us have one child in grade school and a 1 year old at home. The only difference is that I am insane enough to have two in diapers at home.So our dear friend D asked how we have alone time with our hubbies. What? What's that? I'm not sure I understand the question.
You see, with two babies at home (and a big kid too) the Duke and I are always playing what we call "damage control". "Hold her so I can....." and "Ok they are both asleep I am going to run to the store and...", "You put SS to bed and I will nurse TB" "Can you help Drama with his homework while I get the girls ready for bed?". I'm sure you can see the pattern here.

I miss our coffee in the mornings from before we had the babies. I would take D to school, come back, brew a pot of joe an we would sip and chat for about 30 minutes before the Duke went to teach classes. It wasn't much, but it was a special and cherished time of day. Drama went to bed around 8 back then, so we had from 8-10 or 11 to chat at night, cuddle, watch movies...or whatever we wanted. Now we are lucky to get a few minutes alone. Tinkerbel has been pushing her bed time later and later. It doesn't leave much time for anything since I collapse somewhere in the vicinity of 10. We don't feel comfortable hiring a babysitter while TB is in this screaming phase. Couple that with the fact that she won't take a bottle and we are pretty much stuck for now.

I didn't really start this post to complain. Our children have touched our lives in ways I never thought possible. I never wanted children for myself. I wanted a career in the medical or research field (still do!). I knew my brother was sent to Earth to populate it. He was great with children while I have always been mediocre at best. But God sent me three angels and I love them more than they will ever know. They bring me the kind of joy that warms you from the inside and makes your heart feel as if it could burst. He knew what he was doing, and hopefully will keep blessing me with the tools and the grace to raise them the right way.

Where I was going with the post was that it was nice to hear that I'm not the only one feeling a disconnect with my beloved spouse. I had a brainstorm to make time for the Duke a few weeks ago and things were great, but then I got tired again and stopped trying. I have felt so alone in the world of breastmilk stains, spit-up and diapers. But my friends showed me that I am normal. Or at least as normal as I can be...and that it is ok not to be perfect.

I missed most of my MOPS meetings this fall because of no sleep and a few baby colds, but I did make it to a very powerful talk called "the Power of a Positive Friend". Our need for companionship as women is so important for support, validation, trust and comfort. People that are like us that can hold us up and cry with us or for us. We love our men (mine is my best friend) but they can't possibly understand us. I am lucky to have many friends whom I love and cherish. Each of them bring something to my life that is so important to me. Music (friends I sing with), God's love and wisdom (friends from church and other Christian friends), sanity and knowledge (other friends with children), comfort (the friends who have known me the longest and love me despite my many failings)...and there are so many more.

Go ahead and tell your girlfriends today how much they mean to you and how much you love them. You may just make some one's day.

Holiday weekend recap

Long time no blog eh? Well, I can honestly say things have been crazy at Casa del Five. I feel like I am drowning in an endless sea of laundry and diapers. Now that Tinkerbell is on some baby food I have even less time for myself. I really thought that less nursing time would mean more time for me...it just mans more time feeding her as we learn a new routine.

Anyway....back to T-day. My grandma flew in from Cali for the holiday this year. It's always nice to see family and friends here in the Lone Star State, an especially around Thanksgiving. We went shopping on Wednesday. I had not been to a mall in ages. I bought a new nursing bra, spent about 20 minutes trying to nurse TB in the Motherhood dressing room, ate my "I'm trying to eat healthy" lunch full of veggies and lean beef while my family looked irritated having to wait for me after scarfing down their burgers quickly, and that was it. I didn't get to try on jeans or buy new panties like I really wanted to do. I kept saying "I need to go to Victoria's" and my family grumbled every time. Hey....come on. I really enjoy walking in there and saying "I would like this in a 34 D please" after all those years of sheepishly looking for training bras in the small boobies drawer. And besides...how am I going to keep those home fires burning wearing last year's Motherhood maternity thongs. Somethings gotta give. Shopping was a bust!

That night I started cooking some side items for the next day's feast. My contributions this year were gingersnap streusel sweet potatoes and a Reeses peanut butter cup cheesecake. I have never cooked anything for a holiday before. Unfortunately, I got a 2nd degree burn putting the cheesecake in the oven. I wasn't wearing a mit and my hand hit the heating element. You may be saying "ouch" about now, but I honestly didn't feel a thing for about 10 minutes. Now it looks pretty raunchy. It was a lot of work for only 2 things. I guess that's how gourmet goes. Here is a pic of the cheesecake. Yes, that really is my cheesecake and not something from the net. It was delicious, but the potatoes were my favorite!

Thursday was great. Unbelievable food, and great company. Pair all that with a cozy fire to sit by and champagne, and that is a great holiday.

With threatening weather looming late Thursday night, we decided to postpone our trip to see the Duke's family until Christmas. I was relieved. The thought of taking the two girls up there for less than 24 hours was awful. I had been dreading it since July when Tinkerbell was born. Then we woke up to sunny skies, above freezing temps and clear radar Friday morning....GRRRRR. This was all happening at 9 AM, but my darling husband didn't decide it was ok to go until around 11. So at 11 we showered, packed, loaded up the car, dropped off the pooches and doggy Disneyland (aka Nana and Papa's), ate some mean leftover sweet potatoes and around 1:30 headed up north to where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. The girls slept most of the way...what a relief!

Thanksgiving at my in-laws is just weird. The food is weird, and the people are not at all like my people. My people are loud, obnoxious, and will tell you if you have something in your teeth....to your face. Oh and you can drink around them. That helps. The other side is much different. I wouldn't say they are entirely all that quiet, but it is much quieter than in my home. They have strange senses of humor that I don't understand, nor find funny. One year while watching our wedding video my FIL said "Here's the part where the priest gets to get drunk" at the end of Communion. I about came unglued. How can you make fun of a tradition you don't understand??? The Duke's grandmother asked everyone to say something they are thankful for and the only one to mention anything was him. Isn't that was T-day is about? What message are we sending our children if we roll our eyes at the very heart and soul of the holiday. Oh wait, football was on and somehow THAT makes it ok. And did I mention the food is weird? They served T-day turkey....COLD! EWE!

The girls slept like garbage that night, as did I and we came home happily the next day...getting snowed on through Wichita Falls. I got home in time to rest up for the next day. After many years, I finally sang at church so my grandmother could hear me. She had never heard me before and she was actually impressed! She loved it so much and that made me so happy!

All in all the weekend wasn't so bad I guess, and I hate to complain but I'm just tired of traveling around the holidays. We ALWAYS do the traveling. They never come out here and honestly....I'm tired of it. I want a holiday in my jammies, and I think that after all I have done in the past two years....maybe somehow I deserve it???

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm a princess mom!

After a really stressful day with the girls, I was sitting on the living room floor just griping to the dear Duke about how I never get anything done, and how I feel so worn out all the time, my house is a mess, etc etc. I happened to glance up on the kitchen table and saw this:

You can't really tell by looking, but they are Disney Princess shoes in Sunshine's size....a 5. They were actually the smallest size they make and she picked them out on her own. She ran right up to them and grabbed them, so naturally Nana just HAD to buy them for her. If the shoe fits....

She was so exited to show her daddy the shoes when he got home that she took the box to him and made him put the shoes on her feet, and tie them.

On this particularly stressful day, all I could do when I saw these shoes sitting on the table (after she had gone to bed) was just smile. Then I started belly laughing. The Duke, curious as to what he was missing asked why I was laughing. I just said..."I have little princess...and it's so wonderful!" He started smiling as well. Then we both laughed at the pink princess shoes, both knowing that we have many years of pink princess shoes left to go...and it's a great feeling!

Did you know???

Facts about sleep deprivation from the National Sleep Research Project in Australia

• After five nights of partial sleep deprivation, three drinks will have the same effect on your body as six would when you've slept enough.
• Feeling tired can feel normal after a short time. Those deliberately deprived of sleep for research initially noticed greatly the effects on their alertness, mood and physical performance, but the awareness dropped off after the first few days.
• Exposure to noise at night can suppress immune function even if the sleeper doesn’t wake. Unfamiliar noise, and noise during the first and last two hours of sleep, has the greatest disruptive effect on the sleep cycle.
• The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses.
• A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours lost sleep for parents in the first year
• One of the best predictors of insomnia later in life is the development of bad habits from having sleep disturbed by young children.
• Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.
• The NRMA estimates fatigue is involved in one in 6 fatal road accidents.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving

Your Pilgrim Name Is

Damaris Abbott

What's" Your Pilgrim Name?

My kitchen window...and yours???

I've been tagged by MB over at Terrapin Station!!!

What does my kitchen window look like?
So, since she asked nicely....and because I know you all want to see my dirty windows....


Here it is:



















When it comes to decorating, I am going through a "less is more" phase. Maybe because less clutter means less stress.

Anyway in my window is:

1. 1 surprisingly hearty plant left over from the birth of our first daughter, Sunshine (notice the "it's a girl" thingies still in place). I am plagued by an black thumb. Every plant or flower I have ever owned has died a tragic death, including former window resident, Nigel...RIP. But not this plant. The sweet church lady who gave it to us told me to water when it looks droopy and that's all the maintenance it will ever need. So, lone droopy plant is still around. I'm not proud, just surprised.

2. Sun catcher. MIL gave this to me. I have no real attachment other than the fact that the sun comes in that window for a brief moment in the morning and it looks pretty and we have no other place to put it where the children won't hurt it.

3. Paper towels:. A must have for any house with children. 3 children = 30 times the mess!

4. Dial antibacterial soap. 3 children....need I explain?

5. Drama's chameleon. The Duke found this outside last week and captured it for the DK. He loves all things creepy and crawly right now. In fact, at one point last week most of my Tupperware was tied up housing spiders or "spider food". Now that he has this guy, he has let all of the other creatures go. He doesn't normally reside here, but thought he would like some bright light today. He lives in Drama's room...which like any other 8 year old boy's room is dark and dingy. I fear for my life in there.

6. Citrus Magic air freshener. Mom picked this up for me after my complaining that the cats leave horrific smells in the litter box, but it seems that spraying a bunch of air freshener around babies just isn't safe. Let me add that there in no magic in this stuff. Cat poop + citrus magic just smells citrus cat poop. Gross!

7. Random soothie paci...freshly sterilized. I sterilized a bunch of Sunshine's pacis. She doesn't take this kind, but I am hoping that one day Tinkerbell will take ANY paci, so I keep a few extras of different types around. The Duke says I should give up on that battle and just make a boob impression for her. Hmmmmm. Do they do that?

I tag the newly pregnant Dana (congrats!!!) , Lt. Dawn (who actually goes longer than me without updating her blog) , and best friend from high school and new mommy blogger, Tara.

How many music dorks does it take to find a swing song?

After my pity party post last week, I realized I was headed in a direction I did not like at all. So, I went up to the Duke that evening and said "Hey, I'm not happy....and here is why....I feel hurt because you....and p.s. I DESPERATELY need you for me to get through this". We talked it all though and. since then, I have made my husband a priority instead of penciling him into my life. I have been a different person since. What a change! We both are making the effort to hug, touch, smile, hold each other up in rough times, and share in the glorious circus of raising our girls. I am tired, but I don't care....I am happy. I highly recommend it! Besides, if for no other reason, make-up sex ROCKS! :)

So, last night Tinkerbel would not calm down. She ended up, as she does most nights in the swing. Side note: Parents-to-be....you HAVE to have a swing. It WILL save your life! Maybe not your sanity as notedbelow....but definitely your life!

Ok, back to last night.

TB was in the swing. We had the music and the lights going and she was looking around calmly and enjoying her swing. Being as that we are both musicians (even though I am not a professional), we have a huge problem with the music on pretty much any baby toy. We criticize, cringe, and vow to make baby toys more tolerable....one of these days. (Sigh) Our swing has about an 8-9 song repertoire that randomly shuffles each time the swing is turned on or the music reset button is pushed. It plays about 5 songs for 10 minutes, then shuts off.

So....we are laying there together, talking about our day... listening to this crappy swing music that is keeping our daughter from waking up the rest of the house....

Me: "Honey, remember when Sunshine used this swing?"

Duke: "Yes."

Me: "that one day, you were getting ready for church and made some comment about the awful version of Pachelbel's Canon in D?"

Duke: "Um, vaguely"

Me: "Well, TB has logged many swing miles lately, and I have to say I have not heard the Canon. Are you sure it was the Canon? Cause I have not heard it since. And....in all honesty....I think you were wrong about it being the Canon in the first place. The melody is all wrong."

Duke: "Maybe it was another toy".

Me: "Nope, I'm sure it was the swing"

Duke: "Hmmmm. Well I remember that it doesn't play it that often"

Meanwhile the swing is playing a John Denveresque tune that we have pretty much memorized.

We start singing together. "Da da da da da da....da....da.....da da do da do."

We look at each other and keep singing along.....

Duke: "Why do we know this? And why are we singing it?

Me: "Oh cool.....here comes that crappy bridge part"

Now we are humming with hand motions. In the middle of said crappy bridge, for some bizarre reason it changes keys and goes back to the Denver melody.

Duke: "Rough transition."

Me: "Yeah they didn't plan that one well.....ouch!"

TB swings on and this repetitive soft drum sequence starts. Bum... bum bum bum....bum bum bum.

Me: "Ah Twinkle twinkle little star"

Duke: "Or is it the litte drummer boy?"

Me: "LOL......(singing) up above the world so high"

Duke: "they ruined it with that stupid drum thing"

Me: "TB seems to like it"

Duke: "Yeah....I need to play her the REAL version"

Me: "Drama has a mean recording of the Swingle Singers doing Twinkle"

Duke: "I said the REAL version....you know Mozart??"

Me: "Well yeah! Duh?"

Song changes again to Brahms lullaby.

We hum the first verse......thn start the 2nd.

Me: "Why'd they rewrite the melody on the second verse? It totally blows.

Duke: "I could write better crappy swing music"

Me: "Yeah you should do that....who writes this garbage anyway?"

TB is now asleep in the swing and the music stops.....the Duke gets out of bed and hits the reset button.

Duke: "Oh I can't stand this song"

Me: "Me neither....I think this is the worst one."

Yet for some reason, w continue to hum along.... in parts.

This goes on for three ten minute cycles. I finally get up and say "I STILL have not heard the Canon"

Duke: "I told you they don't play it often"

So, I stand at the swing and turn the music button on and off so it shuffles the music with each switch flip. After several tries, the Duke says...
"Wait! That's it!"

Me: "No it's not. That doesn't sound like it at all.....but it does sound a lot like John Denver"

The Duke starts humming the Base line of the Canon with the swing music. I can hear it.

Me: "oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh.......woooooooooooow. "

Duke: "See BAD arrangement"

Me: "Yeah, you were right....that is bad. Didn't even recognize it.
It's more like Crappy Canon in F"

Duke: "Or B flat! Sounds like some awful wedding ...or possibly John Denver arrangement"

Me: "Yeah, let's turn this crap off....TB is asleep anyway. Which means I should be too!"

Disclaimer:
This post in no way affects or undermines the gratitude we feel towards the friends who let us borrow crappy music swing.....and other various baby items. They are some of the best friends two music dorks could ever have! We love you Mama King! :)

Eat your peas

Affirm yourself each day.

I can... I will... I am...

I can find time to shave this week.

I will get my house clean...one of these years.

I am a loving mom. Maybe not such a great one, but definitely loving.

Fab five

After yesterday's dreary post I find myself in a much more positive mood. So, to cheer things up a bit I've decided in honor of our party of 5 to come up with 5 fabulous reasons to be me today.

1. Tinkerbell let me sleep for a whole 5 1/2 hours last night. I even hit REM for the first time in weeks! It feels wonderful.
2. I had 1 1/2 hours of uninterrupted bliss today when I went and got a haircut.
3. I have officially lost all of my pregnancy weight (33 pounds thank you) from Tinkerbell and only have 7 lingering pounds from Sunshine's.
4. Fall is right around the corner....I can smell it. It is y favorite season, and today is a little taste of the beautiful days ahead.
5. My children. They love me no matter what I look (or smell) like and they make my heart smile.

So, what is fab about being you today?

Godsend

I have not posted in awhile. Truth is...I have no interest in posting. If you want the really ugly dirty truth, I have no interest in a lot of things anymore.

While I was pregnant with Tinkerbell I asked a fellow mom of three what it was like. She said it's like treading water and barely being able to keep your nose above so you can breathe. Well...I feel like I am about to go under. I am exhausted, I am sick, I am sad, I am overwhelmed. You may ask why I even bothered to title this post "Godsend" after hearing all this negative garbage. I am too.

You see, I am a social creature. I love being around people of all types. I am usually the one who calls my friends to initiate a get-together, to see what's up, or to tell them I just saw something on TV that I thought they would be interested in. I always wondered what would happen if I stopped calling people and taking the first step. In the last few weeks I have been too busy and tired to pick up that phone or write that email. After asking several friends to do many things....I just stopped. No one was interested. People have new babies, hectic jobs, PTA, or whatever that just keeps us all so busy. I needed something to get me out of the house and hear my pain, but there was no one to get out of the house with. No one to talk to. No friend that understood what I was going through. Why? I don't know. I have good friends, great friends. Don't I?

Tinkerbell is sucking the life out of me. I love her more than I could ever tell you. She is incredibly beautiful and even talking about this gives me a great deal of pain. I want to stop nursing. But I can't. She won't take a bottle or a paci and her latch leaves my nipples sore and cracked. Feeding her hurts. The thought of it sometimes makes me cry. I don't sleep much at all anymore. I lay awake wondering what to do about the whole thing. I feel completely tied down. My husband and I have not been on a date since May. Thinking about nursing until her first birthday is depressing me beyond belief. I didn't realize how sad and withdrawn I was until last week.

A friend of mine, D, casually asked me after choir how things were going. I started telling her this and that. How frustrated I was. How no one understood what I was going through. People say she's obviously getting enough to eat because she is so chubby. But it doesn't mean she is doing it correctly, or that it is working. D just hugged me and said she knew what I was feeling. And she did. She went through all the same things with her son. When I saw that she completely knew what I was going through I just started bawling...in front of most of my choir friends. That was really hard. I don't cry much in public. I am pretty detached and unemotional for the most part (or so my husband says). Even hugging someone is hard for me. But there in that moment I became completely vulnerable and just cried. I wasn't alone. Everyone else ran off to go get drinks at that point. When they asked D if she was in she said no, that she wanted to stay and make sure I was ok. Her and another friend T stayed with me for another 30 minutes. She gave me some information and contacts and told me exactly what to do. Then she called 3 times over the weekend to just see how I was doing.

She doesn't know that she saved my sanity, though I have tried to thank her over and over. God tugged at her heart strings at just the right moment and she touched me when I so desperately needed someone. It makes me realize that maybe we don't always know what our "friends" are going through. We suffer behind the closed doors of security, or at least I do because it is safe. The Duke is my best friend, but couldn't possibly help me, or know what I was feeling I am doing as best as I can today despite being sick and having two sick babies. But I am not as depressed, knowing that there is help for what I am going through, and validation that my feelings are normal and I am still a good mom. Thank God for that wonderful lesson in humility. I can't be perfect, and no one expects me to. And when I need a friend...I always have one looking down on me. He will always call me back....even if it isn't quite his voice on the other line.

Apparently, I've been tagged

Mrs. Swizzle from Brain Swizzle tagged me for the Fab 4 Meme (whatever that is). I'm new to this so please be gentle.

4 Jobs I’ve Held

Hostess with the mostess at Tippin's Pie Pantry (come on down ya'll)
Personal Trainer at 24 Hour Fitness
Sales Support/Account Manager for the Canadian division of a German Telecom parts manufacturer (I got to visit Canada a lot....it was sweet!!!)
Business Development Representative (my boss was an ass....I hated this job)

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over

Love Actually
Anchorman
Pride and Prejudice
Dangerous Beauty

4 TV Shows I Watch

Grey's Anatomy
The Office
CSI and CSI Miami
Side Order of Life

4 Places I’ve Lived

Bakersfield, CA
Ft Worth, TX
UK
Flower Mound, TX

4 Favorite Foods

Pasta
Fillet Mignon
Mexican food
Wedding cake (well, really any cake)

4 Websites I Visit Everyday
(I can't possibly really get online for long everyday....be serious)

Weather.com
Babycenter.com
Toysrus.com (started my Christmas shopping early this year)
Various blogs

4 Favorite Colors

Pink
Blue (like my babies' and hubby's eyes)
Green (like Drama's eyes)
Pale Yellow

Places I Would Love to Be Right Now

Tahiti
Italy
Vancouver, B.C.
Lake Tahoe, CA

4 Names I Love But Would/Could Not Use for my Children

Emily
Anna
William
Grace

Hmmmm, I don't have anyone to tag. The meager group of blog friends I know have already been tagged! I need to get out more!

How mature are we??

Sunshine was given this really cool caterpillar toy, Alphabet Pal, for her B-day. Godparents A & C gave it to her. Alphie has 26 legs...one for each letter of the alphabet. If you turn to music, it will play a song that begins with each letter. Very cool.

Well, the Duke and I were playing with the toy the other day and found that it also does phonics. You press "o" and it says "oooo". So we started trying to say words. Pressing c-a-t would make it phonetically sound out the word cat, and even sounded a lot like it. You can probably see where this is going. Well, it won't do it! Alphie won't say bad words. We tried several times thinking we were pressing the letters too quickly. The toy has a safety device to ensure children don't accidentally learn to cuss. If you try to type in a certain four letter word it says "he he he, that tickles".

You know you would have tried it too, so stop judging.

Ugly day

I see that I have not posted in awhile. I just really haven't felt like doing anything. Many days I sit in the rocking chair in my pjs and play with my children. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone, see anyone or go anywhere. My attitude and issue isn't really with anyone in particular, but aimed at the world in general. I'm angry at the world. I see people with family they don't even talk to. Siblings who argue (as adults) over which child a parent loved more. My parents talk to their family a few times a year, on birthdays or anniversary's....you know, the important stuff.
I hear all this crap from people who are so lucky. So lucky to have family. I would give anything in the world to pick up the phone and call my brother right now. To show him pictures of my new babies and show him how much his Godson has grown up.

Four years ago today, my baby brother passed away after a short battle with aplastic anemia. He actually died from a complication known as ARDS. It all happened so fast. One day he had strange bruising. The next day they found aplastic anemia. An aggressive treatment rendered his immune system incompetent and he acquired an infection. It was a bacteria we all have in our mouths. It normally causes no harm, but in his case it lead to pneumonia and a systemic infection. They tried to put him on a vent, but he fought to breathe on his own and he ended up with a pneumothorax. Induced into a medical coma, he was on a vent for two weeks. We had ups, and downs. I held his hand and told him about my life and the trivial things of the day thinking when he was better he would come out and we could laugh together about them.
But he never breathed on his own again.

I was at my parent's house when the call came. It was a Saturday. They needed to speak ASAP with his next of kin. My mom had run to Starbucks to get me and a friend some coffee. Something had happened that morning and he started bleeding uncontrollably. His oxygen sats were in the 50s for too long...way too low. They wanted permission to not intervene and let him go. I asked my mom to keep him on the vent until I got there to say goodbye, but it was too late. He went to meet Jesus while I was traveling down the freeway to the hospital. He was with my mom, and his wife. She laid her head on his chest and heard his heart beat slower and slower and finally not beat again. He was gone. He left behind two beautiful children, my Godchildren.

In the following weeks, many people called and asked me how my parents were, or how his wife and kids were. Clearly they had the biggest loss right? Did they ask me how I was? Possibly if I looked sad that particular day. One friend, Elastigirl, did tell me she knew what I was going through since she had lost her brother and offered a sincere hug. I have never forgotten that moment. I was numb for months and, in looking for comfort, found a website for the support of people who have lost siblings, recognizing that their grief often goes unoticed. The website said this:

"When you lose a parent, you lose your past.
When you lose a child, you lose your future.
When you lose a sibling, you lose your past, present and future for they are the only family members that we will know from early childhood until our last years. "

I'm so jealous of the Duke and his two siblings. They call each other from time to time, send pictures of their kids, and visit on holidays. Heck, I'll be honest. I'm jealous of anyone who has a brother or sister. Why did I lose my only brother? Some people don't even talk to their brothers. What is their problem?

Yep. Today is ugly. I don't want to remember, and yet how can I not?

Hormones, shoes and the evil hearth

That's it! I have officially lost my mind. I just did diaper duty on the girls and managed to put Sunshine's diaper on Tinkerbell and tried to put TB's on SS, but it didn't work. She's too big. I thought TB's diaper seemed a little large. What was I thinking? The diapers aren't even the same brand.

My hormones must be going crazy, or I am headed down the path of menopause. Night sweats, day sweats, and afternoon sweats. I sweat. We keep the house at a balmy 75 degrees and yet I can't cool off. The hormones have also caused serious emotional upheaval in the house of five. I cry at the drop of a hat these days, fall asleep sitting up, and throw things. I actually fled the aerobics room yesterday in tears after seeing my thighs getting jiggly with it during step class. I sat on a weight bench just bawling. What gives?

I realize I haven't posted in a week but I have an excuse. After the week we have had, I could totally give Mrs. Swizzle a run for her money in the "Mother of Year" race. Sleepless nights have left me exhausted. Add that to the hormones and it can get a little crazy.
Monday I fell asleep in the rocking chair with Tinkerbell. Not usually a problem unless you are watching another baby who is mobile and crawls under the rocking chair only to stand up and cut her head under the foot rest. She didn't even really cry, but she woke me up from a happy place.
Tuesday morning, Drama couldn't find his shoes.....AGAIN!!!! When he gets home from school he flings off his backpack and shoes which makes for a harried morning looking for things. I completely lost my cool. We were running late, I was tired and he was whining and dragging throughout his room and finally came out wearing his soccer cleats...the only shows he could find. I started throwing shoes. Not at him, but still I was throwing shoes, screaming that I am so sick and tired of people throwing things all over the house and then asking me to find them in their moment of need. Wow. Flipped out much?
Wednesday night we took a trip to Super Nana's house since the Duke was teaching until 9:30 and I just needed some help juggling the little creatures. It was bliss for about 10 minutes. I actually got to read great American Lit....the October issue of Fitness Mag. My sweet Sunshine started running (yes running, not walking quickly) into the room to see me and tripped over her own feet catapulting her forehead into the large brick hearth. I tried to get up in time to catch her, but I wasn't fast enough. Thump.....pause....pause.... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail! I started yelling for Nana to get some ice, stat! She wasn't coming fast enough, the cut started to swell. It was swelling faster than I had ever seen anything swell. It started turning different colors: white, blue, green, then purple. Poor thing. I started crying with her. She refused ice so we rocked for awhile. She finally settled and while I was still crying she started smiling at me and patting my face. It was so sweet. I felt so awful that my angel face was so beat up. Mom told me that God made babies pretty robust so they could walk away from something like that. We watched her for an hour and she seemed normal. I checked in on her all night. She's fine, but her poor poor face is not. The goose egg has a two inch gash in it and is a beautiful shade of blue today. So much for winning that portrait contest!

Texas tornadoes stike again

Last week when the Duke was out of town, I spent a large portion of my free (and not-so-free) time cleaning. Tinkerbell has been diagnosed with "household and/or seasonal allergies" so a clean and dusted house are now very important to me.
The Duke came home late Saturday and together with Drama (and a lot of help from Sunshine) completely ransacked the place.

Some items you will find on the floor in my house:

The Duke's suitcase.....yes...still there from last week
random orange toy sword
three baby gift bags...empty..in 3 different rooms
lone leopard print shoe
Dominos coupons.....mmmmm pizza
stray toddler denim shorts
breast pads (clean) strewn throughout 4 different rooms
Anakin Skywalker action figure
about 5 unused size 1 Huggies
dirty soccer shorts...somehow escaped the laundry brigade this morning
crayons
and the list goes on....

I swear it looks like a flock of seagulls flew in, crapped all over everything and went south for the winter. Can they take the tornadoes with them???

Eat your peas

"Celebrate your accomplishments large and small.

Every day!"

Hmm, let's see. Today I got Drama to school on time and my other two have been fed. That's about all I have accomplished today. Maybe I will get a shower in the next hour or so...

Home...more than where the heart is

One of my mommy friends, Amanda, invited me to join a MOPS group here in town. I had always heard about these groups, but never gave much thought to joining one. Besides, until last August, I have not had a pre-schooler in several years.
The morning was a rough one. I had to drive Drama to school instead of our usual walking routine because the cats and dogs of the world were falling down....on our house. I tried using an umbrella to avoid getting wet, but it was no use. I was drenched from head to toe. My hair started kinking up and frizzing and my glasses had smears across the lenses. My closet seemed to be laughing at me as I looked longingly inside for the perfect outfit. Being as that I was still crampy and the sound of the rain was lulling me back into sleep, I wanted to call A and cancel. I called her and meagerly asked what the dress code was. She said it was casual. A woman had even worn pj bottoms last year. My excuse was gone so I quickly pulled myself together, grabbed Tinkerbell and headed out the door.
I arrived to a nice surprise. The ladies were welcoming and friendly, happy and non-judging. New moms like me had their tiny ones with them and nursed their babies in the room wihtout anyone glaring. I was expecting a sorority and instead I found a bunch of moms (just like me) who dearly love their children, their spouses, and most importantly, God!
We had a nice breakfast and coffee and chatted about our children and other things. Then we watched a video about the theme for this year. The Home Factor. From "cocoon to launch" is a phrase we kept hearing. What I got out of it is that home is where the transformation happens so you can send your children out into the world as butterflies. How do I want my home to function? How can my environment nurture myself and my family as living creatures of God to the glory of his name?
When I think of my home right now I just think of the physical, messy, cluttered building I wake up in and go to sleep every night. But there is so much more to home. Home is where we build the values that make us who we are. Sounds like much more important job to be a "home maker" when you think of it this way instead of someone who sits around watching soaps and doing occasional laundry. Before I had been ashamed to say I am an at-home mom. But now I feel like a huge challenge awaits me with an enormous reward down the road. My children's futures depend on the home environment I provide for them right here....right now. I hope to launch 3 fantastically beautiful butterflies one of these days...when they are ready....whether or not I am.

Lucky me

I get regular email newsletters from Babycenter about the stages my children are in. I get two a week now since the Dramakid has outgrown the center bulletins. Today the newsletter was called "Your 2-month-old: Week 2". Wow, is she really that old? Here is something it said inside:
"If your baby's sleeping through the night (five or six hours at a stretch), you're one of the lucky few. Most 10-week-old babies still wake up in the middle of the night. But even babies who aren't sleeping through the night at this stage should be sleeping and staying awake for longer intervals instead of cycling back and forth so much. Your baby will most likely have two to four long sleep periods and as many as ten hours of awake time in 24 hours."

So, am I considered lucky if TB sleeps for 8 hours, but Sunshine wakes up? They never coordinate these things.

The luck doesn't stop there...
Three people this week have told me I look thinner. One was my aerobics instructor. Yes I have been working out, but I am chalking this up to luck since I have eaten 2 bags of cookies on my own in the last week.

Still more luck...
My Aunt Flo has come to visit for the first time since November of 2005!!! Why me? I am breastfeeding...excusively. This baby likes the boob. She won't take a pacifier and will only take a bottle when she absolutely has to. Sometimes she will just refuse to eat when offered the bottle only. So what gives?
Here is a response on WebMD to a question about nursing in relation to menstuation:

"Though exclusive breastfeeding, where your baby meets all his nutritional and sucking needs at the breast, usually delays the return of your menstrual period and fertility, this is not always the case."

Oh really?????

It continues...

"There are many factors involved in maintaining lactational infertility, such as number of feeds per day, duration of feeds, total time spent breastfeeding each day,longest interval between feeds, etc.

LMAO! Well we've already determined that "lactational infertility" does not affect me...at all.

It is thought that even with unrestricted, round-the-clock nursing some moms are sensitive to slight hormonal shifts, possibly occurring due to increased length of time in between some feeds. This may be enough to allow your menstrual period to return. You might find that if your baby increases his nursing frequency, duration, etc., the time in between your periods may increase, or your baby's sucking may be enough to again suppress ovulation, and the return of your period."

Great. So here I am, crampy and mad at the world because I can't take anything good for periods, like Aleve cause I am nursing thus not even supposed to be menstruating.

Lucky? Maybe not so much!

Assault with a deadly G-string

Well I finally stopped the after baby bleeding fest last week and it opened the door for me to pull out the ole' G-strings again. YAY! I can burn the post-partum grannies in a "return to normal" ritual. Besides, I absolutely hate VPLs.
Today is laundry day at the Dream house so that means piles of laundry everywhere. I was in a rush to get a few things washed before Baroque Ken left for a 3 day trip down South for a concert. (Yes, three nights alone with three kids....I can hear the horror music playing in the background already). Anyway, needless to say, I was distracted in a whirlwind of housework until my beloved Sunshine ran into my room with one of my thongs over her head. I thought...how cute! I turned my head for a second and she was whining. The side part of the G-string(made out of lace) was caught in a snagged fingernail and the rest was down around her neck. She was pulling her hand away which made the part around her neck pretty tight. I freaked out and got her untangled immediately! She had red marks all around her neck but otherwise seemed ok.
How scary is that? She was right in front of me helping me fold my laundry. It could have been disastrous. I guess I need to put my clothes away while she is sleeping from now on and keep laundry piles out of her reach.
Who knew panties could be so dangerous?

Identity crisis

As much as I love pink, it was giving me a headache. Sorry guys.

What the ???

I have been trying to read up on reflux to help my poor little Tinkerbell feel better. Here was the advice for breastfeeding moms:

Avoid Certain Foods and Liquids
More so for older children and babies, there are certain foods that are known to make reflux worse. If you breastfeeding, as mentioned above avoid these foods in your own diet. The complete list, as put forth by PAGER is below:
List Source and Copyright: Pediatric Adolescent Gastroesophageal Reflux Association - PAGERwww.reflux.org

Vegetables (due to high acid or belching)
Broccoli
Green Peppers
Cabbage
Brussel Sprouts
Cauliflower
Tomato
Tomato Juice
Corn
Cucumber
Onions
Garlic
Turnips
Rhubarb
Kale

Fruits (due to high acid or lots of fiber and seeds)
Apple (especially peels)
Bananas (can cause constipation)
Citrus fruits
Figs
Coconut

Beverages
Milk (lactose intolerance can provoke reflux in some people)
Coffee (even decaffeinated)
Tea
Carbonated Beverages
Caffeinated Beverages

Starches
Beans (gas producing)
Oats (rolled oats OK)
Tofu (avoid large quantities)
Barley ( OK if perled barley is cooked 10-15 min)

Miscellaneous
Fatty or Fried Foods (fats take longer to digest)
Meat with connective tissue/gristle (take longer to digest)
Chili Powder
Vinegars
Chocolate
Molasses
Peppermint/Spearmint (Wintergreen is unrelated)
Honey
Caffeine
Foods with "air" such as fluffy baked goods, Meringues.
Swallowing air by sucking on hard candies or drinking from straws
Rye Seeds
Meat Extracts
Black Pepper (White pepper is OK)
Creamy Foods/Gravies (High fat content)
Gooey Pastries (High fat content)
Simple Sugar Foods
Excessive Fiber (increase very gradually as tolerated)
Pectin
High Energy Foods (digest slowly)
MCT Oil (medium chain triglycerides, digest slowly)
Guargum (thickener, digests slowly)

Can somebody just give me a list of what I CAN eat???

The new and improved party!

Ok, so Mrs. Five is not working for me. I love having a family of five....it rocks...for the most part...when I have been sleeping. But Mrs. Five reminds me of "Number 5 is ALIVE" from Short Circuit. So...I began searching last week for a new nickname. I didn't have any nicknames growing up.
It wasn't until I moved to England that a nickname was bestowed upon me. It was awful. The Brits called me Barbie. I was tall, blonde, and tan...something they didn't see too often in the Northern part of England. And...if that wasn't bad enough, the song "Barbie Girl" from Aqua was just getting popular and they frequently dedicated the song to me at clubs around town. Nice hunh? I really hated the name and it's connotations.
But, I really like the background and would love to be skinny again like Barbie...so here it is. Barbie's Dream party. Complete with my very own Ken, 3 kids and a Dream SUV. Now if I could just get some dream sleep.....

Let me eat cake!

This is kind of fun! Anyone who knows me knows that I have a special passion for wedding cake. Well, actually almost any cake.

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

Eat your peas

This week's seed for the soul for new moms card says:

"Breathe! Deeply. Often"

In light of recent events, I don't believe I could have pulled out a more perfect card for the week. I need to take time to breathe and let go of some things, like laundry, every once-in-awhile. Today I took time to play with both girls before their naps. I got a lot of smiles. It felt better than cleaning a whole house only to have it trashed by the tornadoes. And the best part, was I could do it sitting down, in my pjs.

Miracle drug

Our visit to the Dr yesterday was enlightening. Tinkerbell has a clear nose and ears, but there is an infection in her left eye due to a clogged tear duct. Sunshine had a clogged tear duct as a newborn, though it was never infected. Hers resolved on it's own without treatment. I hope TB's clogged duct heals on it's own as well. I have known she has one since her 2 week visit, but it has never caused a problem until now. Her eye was draining green goo at the visit....yuck! Probably because she was crying so much the night before. So now we have antibiotic drops for both eyes and she's on her way to those sparkly baby blues again.
Since there was no apparent reason for her screaming into the night, such as an ear infection, the Dr. mentioned that she might be a "closet reflux case". Most babies with reflux spit up and spew all the time. They cry after nearly every feed because their tummies hurt so much. TB rarely spits up, but with the crying her Dr. wanted to start her on some Axid (a name brand medicine similar to Zantac). She gets a 1 mL dose twice a day. I took no chances and gave her the first dose in the office and crossed my fingers. The stuff tastes awful and numbs your mouth. Half of it came back out at me and all over the exam room table. Hope they didn't mind cleaning up my mess.
Last night as 6:30 rolled around I started getting nervous as usual, but TB was sleeping. She slept until about 7, woke up, looked around for awhile, then whined a bit. She was hungry. I fed, burped and changed her and handed her to my mom so I could play with Sunshine. Tinkerbell was cooing and playing too, she was smiling back at my mom. Mom said she didn't know who this baby was. I told her that TB's personality is normally like that during the day...she just sees her at night when she is crying.
What a difference it made! The girl hardly made a peep all night. She got a little fussy before bedtime, but we rocked for five minutes and she was out cold. She went to sleep around 9:30 and woke up at 4:30 AM to eat again. That is the longest she has ever slept at one time. She nursed a bit, and went back to sleep again until 7:30. Now she is sitting behind me in her Boppy playing quietly and cooing. Wow. This is what sleep feels like. I am not going to say, nor believe, this medicine has solved all our problems, however, after one night of decent sleep my hopes are high for a few more nights like this! Keep your fingers crossed for us.

How long can a baby cry???

Or should I say how long can a mommy go without sleep?

Tinkerbell has had colic since she was about 4 weeks. It wasn't too bad at first. She was fussy in the evenings. This lasted usually from 6:30 in the evening until 9:30. Then it would stop and she would sleep well (usually from 11-4:30 Am). I was stressed, but I was sleeping a little and I knew this was only temporary. This kept me a little sane. My other babies have had cranky times too. It's normal. Sometimes babies just need to cry.

However...the last few nights have been hell. She starts earlier and cries later. I can't console her. Rocking, bouncing, driving, swinging only seems to take the pain away temporarily and then it's back...with a vengeance! Last night, I about lost my mind. She started around 4:30 yesterday. I dropped the girls off with mom so I could take Drama to soccer. She was crying when we left for soccer, and when we returned. Starting at 9, she cried until 4 AM. Yes, there were 15 minute breaks here and there where she took little catnaps...but I basically had to be on my feet all night. It was horrible to see her in what seemed to be so much pain.

I love my baby so much, but this period of colic is really pushing me to levels I never knew existed and testing my parenting skills in ways that just aren't fair. Nothing is aimed towards the baby. It's not her fault. She is a beautiful and wonderful baby that is just extremely sensitive. I have so many ugly feelings that surface and surround me day by day now.

Guilt
My two other children do not get even half of the time they deserve from their mommy anymore. I tend to snap at DK and just deal with Sunshine enough to get her daily needs taken care of. But there is not enough play, not enough comfort, not enough mommy to go around these days. And I feel horrible for this. They deserve better from me. At least DK can understand to some point what is going on, but poor Sunshine...she just wants mommy. Which brings me to...

Jealousy
Mr. Five is taking on the role of playing and caring for a lot of Sunshine's needs. It's great, but I see her developing a special relationship with him that makes me feel like an outsider.
I'm also jealous of the sleep Mr. F is getting. No fair. When I am up for walking or feeding I hear him snoring and I just want to hit him. And that's not normal. Is it?

Anger
I'm angry at the situation. I'm angry at Mr. F for not helping around the house more when it is obvious I need it. I'm angry that I have lost my evenings. I don't do sing anymore or go out with friends much. I have no life. I'm angry I can't just sit back and enjoy my last newborn knowing I will never have another so sweet and little. I'm angry that I can't be a better mom to my other kids. Angry that I can't make it better for TB, that I can't comfort my baby...the one thing I should be able to do better than anyone.

Despair
Over my house. The laundry piles up. Sunshine (my little Texas Tornado) pulls everything off of counters and drops them on the floor. DK and Mr. Five are just as bad. They leave dishes out and clothes on the floor and despite my constant nagging will not pull their weight around here. I am too exhausted to deal with the grocery store so I find that I never have what I need in the house for feeding my family. I just can't get my darn house clean!

I know all of this will pass in time as her digestive system becomes more mature and things will be peachy one day. But right now it's affecting my sanity, my children, my marriage and it's so terribly hard. Out of desperation I finally called the Dr this morning and begged them to help me figure this out. I as in tears with the nurse. I have already tried giving up dairy, caffeine, and all cruciferous vegetables. They want to take a look at her this afternoon to make sure she is otherwise healthy since sister had a sinus infection not too long ago. I hope they find a way to make her feel better, for her, for me, for my family.

Once upon a tampon

It occurred to me the other day, while I was shopping for my first non-maternity pants in ages, that I don't really remember the non-pregnant me. I can't identify with the pictures I see of a much skinnier, younger, more rested me. And for a good reason!

In the last 3 years I have:

-been pregnant 5 times

-had a tubal, a miscarriage, and a chemical pregnancy

-had 2 full term pregnancies

-had 2 C-sections



In the past 2 years I have:

-been pregnant for 20 months

-had morning sickness for 7 months

-been breastfeeding for 6 months

-been pregnant AND breastfeeding for 2 months

-Never had to buy "female products"

When you are pregnant (and for 6 weeks after baby) you are only allowed to use sanitary napkins. Here is where my story begins.

I hit that magic 6 week mark two weeks ago and was still bleeding. Yuck. I know. Sorry. So, I went to the magic cabinet for a tampon (cause I could start wearing them instead of pads). I couldn't find any. So I looked in my bathroom drawers and other cabinets. None. Finally I started getting desperate and looked through all of my old purses and travel bags. Nothing. Eek! Where in the world did I put those things?

It dawned on me that I was probably out. I hadn't been able to wear them in nearly two years. It took me 1 1/2 weeks to get to the store to buy some. I went to the local Target store and seriously did not remember where the pad and tampon aisle was. (I bought pads in bulk at Costco when E was born and still had a bunch this time around). When I finally found it, I was stumped. What brand did I use? Were they cardboard? Plastic? What absorbency are you supposed to use? They even had new stuff that looked really cool. Have you seen the ones with pearls???? Sweet!

I was on the phone with my SIL and was just laughing so hard because I couldn't remember, or decide, what to buy. People walking by must have thought I was pretty immature to be on the phone in the tampon aisle laughing hysterically. We all know you are supposed to quietly stroll down the aisle, get your gear and get out before someone notices you're there.

The whole experience was the beginning of a new me. A not pregnant me. Someone I still can't identify with, but someday, with time (and a little more sleep) I will learn to like....maybe even love.

In the mad scheme of things

Today started off great! Tinkerbell let me sleep from 12AM-5:55AM and I really needed it because today was the start of the dreaded soccer season. The Drama Kid had been playing on the same team for several seasons and all of a sudden this summer, more than half of the kids decided to quit...including the coaches kid. So, we were left team less. The 3 kids remaining were joined with another disbanded" team to form a new team. This did not sit well with me because that meant 5 new soccer moms I had to schmooze with. I don't schmooze well. Let's just say I don't speak the soccer mom language.Anyway, Mr. Five had to work this evening (as per usual) and my mom was set to watch the girls at 5:00. In a mad dash, DK was dressed, the diaper bag stuffed, 3 kids strapped into the people mover (I drive an insanely large vehicle) and we were off.

As we pulled out of our neighborhood, we noticed there was a bustle of activity going on at DK's school. There were 3 policeman blocking various lanes, an ambulance, a green SUV, Care Flight grounded at the scene, and a mob of people. As we drew closer it was apparent the mob of people were huddled over a body. The Care Flight stretcher was right there...but no one was on it. You could see blood pooled in the parking lot. DK's parking lot....the school he attends....starting Monday. I felt sick.

By the time I arrived at the folks house you could see the news copters circling around like vultures. The 5 o'clock news was about to start but we had to leave for practice. One of the soccer moms got a call with an update of the situation. It wasn't pretty. Apparently that green SUV was pulling a 15 year old boy on a skateboard attempting a stunt. The skateboarder lost his balance and somehow the rope was entangled under the vehicle, thus pulling the boy under with it. The SUV ran over him and the words that I heard were "massive head trauma". Oh, that would explain the red pool in the parking lot. He died from his injuries.A 16 year old was driving...his best friend.

I have a little boy. He will be 15 in just 7 years. He likes to have fun. He doesn't usually think before he does something that seems fun, he just does it...especially if friends are playing along. These boys probably thought they were doing something harmless. They were in a parking lot....how fast could they even have been going? On a skateboard? That parking lot is so tiny!
As I watched soccer practice I pictured each one of those boys a few years older, unsupervised, just trying to have fun. Stupid fun, but fun none-the-less. I also thought of some of the dumb things I did as a teenager and wondered "how do I protect my boy?". I can't be with him every minute. I can't sit on his shoulder and say "No way man, don't do that....you could get killed".
I pray for the knowledge to teach my son to make good decisions. Is that even possible?
I pray for the boy's family, the driver of the car, and his friends...for moms of boys and girls everywhere and their precious children.

Eat your peas

I am in a surprisingly upbeat and positive mood. I slept last night, had two dreams, made it to the gym this morning, AND...(drumroll) both of my girls went down for naps at the same time allowing me time to organize my medicine/vitamin cabinet, do several loads of laundry and dust. Since I am feeling so well, I want to share with you, my rockstar-mom friends, the weekly seed for the soul.
Last year, when pregnant with Sunshine, a friend gave me a packet of "seeds for the soul" for new moms. When moving our office into SS's old bedroom I found them and set them on the desk. I just opened them for the first time today, and here is what it said:

"Your future with new baby looks as bright as you are. Shine on!"

Mrs. Personality

I saw these cool charts on MB's, Elastigirl's and Mrs. Swizzle's blogs. Being naturally scientific....I was intrigued.

So....here I am in a nutshell.

New Beginnings (and Battles)

I hate them. Starting something new requires momentum, and I've never been one with much to spare. It's like walking into a party and being the first one there. You have to make an effort with the hostess and guests to get the conversation going. I can do it...but I don't LIKE to do it. I like to be fashionably late, make my entrance, and then find the cake! (mostly applies to weddings and birthdays). Now that we have 3 children I will probably never be on time to anything...EVER.

Today I started my new post-partum diet and workout plan. Thus I begin the "battle of the bulge". It's not really a diet (remember to keep the dairy farm going, I must feed my boobs), but a healthier take on food. Before I started, I had to take my pre-measurements. OUCH! I have 3 sizes to go before I should even bother to open my closet. The working out is just grueling. I never knew I could sweat so much. It's gross. I feel gross. These cute little women with high butts and tight legs are prancing around the room and I'm squishy (and sweaty) and out of breath after a few minutes of stretching. My (2 time) post baby body leaves much to be desired. My stomach hangs over my C-section scar, my thighs touch and the rest of me jiggles. If our OB's were really on our side they would ok exercising 6 weeks before they approve sex. Or at least tell our husbands that!

Another new beginning is that our middle child, Sunshine, just turned one yesterday and I am embarking on a crazy journey into toddler hood with her. She's a dream, the Sunshine of the family. She greets us with smiles and heaps of kisses, and she gives out those kisses to anyone she likes, whether they want it or not. If she hears music of any kind she dances as if no one's watching (but then checks to make sure you are). However, we are also entering into the world of tantrums and the "battle of wills". I can honestly say I am not looking forward to this one.

And, as August draws near its close we embark on our Back to School journey. Our oldest child, Drama Kid, starts 2nd grade. The BTS grind isn't necessarily about going to school or shopping for clothes, but getting on a regular bed time routine and schedule. You see his father, the Ex, sees bedtime as an optional portion of my sons schedule. It's annoying. One night I heard of him staying up until 4AM. They were on the lake fishing and lost the keys to their car. They finally went home, via Taco Bell, and DK still brags about it. I am not looking forward to the nightly "bedtime battle".

All this wouldn't be so bad if the baby of the family, Tinkerbell, didn't have colic. She screams nightly from 6:30-9:30. You can literally watch the clock and she will start within minutes of the minute hand passing the 6. It's exhausting. It takes a lot of the fun out of being a new mommy. One good thing I will say is that it helps her sleep "through the night" (about 11:30-5AM).

As I sit here and type (while TB is screaming her head off), I keep saying to myself "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change..."